Ms Lydia, who started an initiative to provide free breakfast to underprivileged children in her Ang Mo Kio neighbourhood, felt that people should not be defined or labelled by what they lack.
This is because everyone is “under-resourced” in some way, such as in terms of time, money or love, the 36-year-old sole breadwinner in her family said.
Her words gave me pause.
How often do we zoom in on what a person lacks (such as their faults and failings), rather than what they have (their strengths and virtues)?
I was also touched by her compassion, generosity and initiative.
Ms Lydia is giving so much of her time, money and other resources – despite her humble means.
A former school canteen stall vendor, she started the Breakfast Buddy initiative in February as she had seen first-hand how some students went without food themselves so that their younger siblings had money to buy it.
Ms Halinah Yatim (left) and Ms Lydia Susiyanti Sukarbi with primary school students at the Breakfast Buddy initiative on May 28. ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY
Some 25 years after I started work as a journalist, people like Ms Lydia renew my hope in humankind.
She reminded me of the importance of looking beyond labels, and that there is a person – and a life – behind every statistic, every story.
For real, there are really good people around
I used to wonder: Why do some people do the good that they do, and what is in it for them? Are they for real?
In a world where many relationships seem transactional and self-serving, it is easy to become jaded and sceptical.
In the course of covering the social affairs beat over many years, where I report on issues affecting families, youth, elderly and vulnerable groups, I have met many sincere, kind and generous people who have shown me the best of what people can be.
These are the volunteers who open their hearts – and sometimes even their homes – to care for abused children, homeless adults and other groups on the margins.
These are the caregivers who give so much of themselves, without expecting any return or even respite, to look after a loved one stricken by an illness or disability.
These are the people who strive, either in their professional or personal capacity, to help the last, the least and the lost.
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These are people like Ms Lydia, Mr Asher Low, who started a charity to support youth with mental health conditions, and Mrs Jennifer Heng, who founded a non-profit for mums-to-be in distress.
Mr Low, 38, said his own teenage struggles, which included wrestling with feelings of worthlessness, depression and body image problems, spurred him to start Limitless in 2016.
He was bullied in school for his small build, and he knows there are youth suffering from anxiety, depression or other mental health woes who would not seek help for various reasons. And so he resolved to reach out to them.
Mr Asher Low’s teenage struggles, which included wrestling with depression, spurred him to start a charity to support youth with mental health conditions. PHOTO: ST FILE
To start Limitless, the father of two children went without a salary for three years. His family survived on his wife’s salary and their savings.
Then, there is Mrs Heng, 49, who has been counselling pregnant women in distress for over 20 years. She had two abortions as a teenager and knows first-hand the trauma of facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.
Mrs Heng started Safe Place in 2018, which offers these women a temporary place to stay and counselling, among other forms of help.
Both Mr Low and Mrs Heng have suffered, struggled and emerged stronger from their trials, and they are using their experience to support others who are now in their shoes.
As someone once told me, turning their pain into purpose also gives their suffering meaning.
And that purpose and meaning, coupled with the good that they are doing, is a reward that cannot be measured in dollars and cents.
Everybody hurts
Looking back, I have to say that journalism broadened my world view, gave me a deeper insight into the human condition, and helped me see things from the other person’s perspective.
And over the years, the vulnerability, humanity and trust shown by the people who bared their lives to me somehow changed me.
Trite as it may sound, I realised that everyone – regardless of their background or position in life – hurts in some way or another.
Often their wounds are invisible, but they affect their choices, the way they relate with others and their lives.
Mrs Jennifer Heng, who knows first-hand the trauma of facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy, started Safe Place in 2018. It offers pregnant women in distress a temporary place to stay and counselling. PHOTO: LIANHE ZAOBAO
So I’m trying to be less quick to judge.
I’m trying harder to listen, and listening to understand.
Change is possible
For a few years until 2020, I helmed the Generation Grit series in The Straits Times, in which we featured millennials who had overcome major adversity in their lives.
I saw first-hand how change is possible, even for those in the most dire of situations.
The Generation Grit profiles included a man who became paralysed from his chest down at the age of 21 after an accident. He graduated as valedictorian of his batch in university, and became a teacher.
Then there was a young woman whose childhood was marked by poverty.
Her mother took her children and fled her abusive husband, a gambler who was hounded by loan sharks. Despite all her trials, the young woman achieved her childhood dream of becoming a doctor.
So who or what helped these millennials to turn their lives around or defy the odds?
Some said their loved ones, teachers or social workers supported them through their most difficult times. Others cited their religious faith.
Yet others told me they were determined to rise above their trying circumstances because they wanted to give their loved ones a better life.
In June, I interviewed Mr Rizwan Habib, 43, who started stealing as a child to feed his late mother’s drug habit, and dropped out of school at Primary 2.
He went through seven jail terms and spent a large part of his life, or almost 21 years, behind bars for drug and gang-related offences.
While in jail, he taught himself to read the newspapers with a dictionary by his side. He also took his PSLE and O and A levels at the prison school, and recently graduated with a social work degree which he started on after his release.
Mr Rizwan, who is now a social worker helping ex-offenders and their families, said the fear of growing old and dying in prison spurred him to turn his life around.
Mr Rizwan Habib went through seven jail terms and spent a large part of his life, or almost 21 years, behind bars for drug and gang-related offences. He is now a social worker helping ex-offenders and their families. ST PHOTO: JASON QUAH
What individuals like Mr Rizwan and the Generation Grit millennials have shown me is that the impossible can be made possible.
Sometimes, all they need is someone who believes in them.
One of the most remarkable things about my job is the sheer diversity of the people I get to meet – and the incredible privilege of hearing them speak of their pain and sorrow, trials and triumphs.
Through thousands of interviews over the years, I have come to value the virtues of humility and keeping an open mind.
The more I peel back the news and the people behind the news, the more I realise how little I truly understand.
Many of my old assumptions – and certainties – about people, about life, even about myself, disappear.
As the line from the Joni Mitchell hit Both Sides Now goes, “I really don’t know life at all”.
I have come to realise that often, the deepest conversations and the most insightful interviews stem from not what people are saying. They emerge from what people are not telling you.
As the saying goes, the silence is most telling.
And if I can drill through that silence, I often mine gems.
In July 2000, I started work as a journalist – hoping to make a difference.
What I didn’t expect, a quarter of a century on, is how much of a difference journalism would make to my life.
Theresa Tan is the senior social affairs correspondent at The Straits Times. She covers issues that affect families, youth and vulnerable groups.
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