In and of themselves, the stories were not linked – but deducing as much would be missing the point. By now, one can say with a certain level of unambiguity: There is a correlation between the two.
In January, findings from two studies saw young people continuing to grapple with the lingering impact of the Covid-19 pandemic, worries over grades, employability upon leaving school, and so on. Worryingly, the most common area of concern across all respondents was burnout.
In February, Parliament was told that Singapore’s resident total fertility rate dropped below 1 for the first time in its history.
And news out of South Korea around the same time also mirrored the stark realities both societies will face. There, the fertility rate dropped to a record low of 0.7 in the second quarter of 2023; another report highlighted the alarming trend of suicides among Korean youth.
A stressful environment
There is both a linearity and circularity to the issues at hand. To be in a constant state of mental flux all through adolescence and into adulthood will likely imprint a pessimistic view of life and the future.
In such a scenario, marriage and rearing children are the last things on young people’s minds. A common refrain is: “How can I bring children into this messed-up world?”
But people also choose to marry and have kids for many reasons, be they cultural, personal or even economic – regardless of mental well-being. Yet those who begin a family without addressing mental health concerns could, in turn, saddle the next generation with similar issues.
For when dealing with the exigencies of work and running a household, families – breadwinners, notably – can lapse into a fraught crisis mode. This can make for very stressful situations, which in turn creates a poor environment for children.
Leaving children to their own devices is not a new phenomenon. The term “latch-key kid” was coined decades ago and identified a neglected group of young people who had to fend for themselves while their parents were at work.
While there are similarities, there is a divergence today in how children typically would react to their situation. Unfettered access to social media and the Internet would likely perpetuate an already isolated existence.
Identifying these pitfalls is a good start in helping parents deal with supporting their children’s mental and emotional development.
There are no shortcuts here: You have to be there for them. And you also have to bear in mind you are their parent, not their friend. So, parent them.
This golden age of labels, sound bites, hashtags and buzzwords has suffused the bylanes of parenthood with terms like helicopter parenting, overparenting, tiger mums and dragon dads and so on.
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While the tiger mum is reviled for her tough, binaristic methods, she is admired for her effectiveness in producing tangible results. The helicopter parent, on the other hand, is lampooned for being overbearing, meddlesome and a way-too-active participant in the child’s lives.
One presumes the perfect parenting elixir lies somewhere in between the above two avatars and the hands-off, laissez-faire route. And the key here is to be present, but that doesn’t necessarily mean having to be around physically.
The need for structure
It can mean ensuring a structure is in place for your child to thrive in, such as a well-rounded after-school programme that includes sports, music or art, or even designing a home routine that can combine fun with homework.
Having a daily structure helps children no end as it improves mental bandwidth by removing decision-making. This sense of being under control can be empowering as a mental safety net, with the child secure in the knowledge there is some guidance in her life.
And one of the areas where structure is a boon in children’s lives is sports. Now, sports can be dismissed as frivolous in school. How many times have we been told there’s no future in them, and to focus on grades?
Yet sports are a fantastic way to thrive within a structure: the rigour, discipline and mental fortitude required to excel in them give easy spillover benefits to one’s studies and life. Because when all you do is practice and gym sessions, homework can be a welcome distraction.
It is also where the parent has to be the primary driver in the child’s success. Sport is one of those pursuits where if you miss out on those early, formative years, the chances of making it big are virtually nil.
Singapore’s latest sporting star comes in the unlikely form of Shannon Tan, who claimed the Magical Kenya Ladies Open on her Ladies European Tour debut. Her parents quit their jobs and moved with her to Australia when she decided she wanted to be a pro.
No half-measures, just a family pulling out all the stops to ensure one of them hits heights of achievement her talent deserved.
Footballer Aymann Aris, 13, who recently moved to Portugal to try and make something of his talent, spoke about the “family project” where his father quit his job to follow him to SC Salgueiros.
From Richard Williams to Jorge Messi and Ted Beckham, sports are full of celebrity parents: They are not props. They are integral parts to their children’s success.
On both the men’s and women’s tennis tours, pick out the players who move with an entourage that also includes their parents and then compare their success with the players that fly solo. The difference is startling.
So, besides routine and structure, here’s another thing sports mums and dads do well: honest, daily conversations and clear communication.
Prescriptive chats are done by coaches in gyms and on the playing field; or in classes by teachers. Children don’t need another “you do what I tell you to do” environment at home.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have frank, boundary-setting, goal-focused discussions with your kids. It needs to be done – and that is what really involved parents do well.
Mental health is a looming crisis, if it isn’t already one. One of the key ways to mitigate this is to talk to your children – and to reassure them that no matter what, no matter how tough the day is, they will come home to a loving family where there will always be a parent, a guardian or a responsible adult to guide them.
Ask what they did in school, who they hung out with, what they ate during recess, what they remembered about their lessons. Be nosey – they might think it annoying, but in time, they’ll know you did it because you cared.
Also, as a parent, wouldn’t you want to know what your child did for eight, 10 hours a day? As we spend a sliver of our day with our children, it is nice to get a mental picture of how their day went.
Is all this then overparenting? Is it being a noisy human helicopter? Well, if it is… we’ll take the label. After all, the results speak for themselves.
A wise soul once said: “You won’t regret the things you did, but you will regret the things you didn’t do.”
You have a short window of time and opportunity within which you can shape your children’s lives and future.
If you can, be overly present.
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