cost of a child

Some couples put themselves under undue financial stress because they set the unfeasibly high target of providing $2,000 or so a month in outlays for each of their children.

They believe that over $500,000 is needed to raise each child from birth to age 21, or $1 million for two children, a sum that is surely out of reach for the average household.

No wonder a recent survey by insurer Singlife found that more than 40 per cent of people in Singapore believe having a child will delay their retirement age by 14 to 15 years.

As a result, about 50 per cent of those without children even said that they would avoid becoming parents, while 80 per cent of those with at least one child said they would not plan to have more.

Even if you go by legal benchmarks of child maintenance for divorcing spouses, the award of $2,000 or more a month for each child is usually made only if the parent earns more than $15,000 a month.

Even so, awards are made to ensure that the children are least disrupted from their accustomed lifestyles and this means that parents who earn, say $6,000, are seldom asked to set aside a third of their income just for their children’s expenses.

While college-going children are expected to need more support from their parents, allocating more than $50 a day for a school-going child is certainly a luxury deemed extravagant for the average parent.

Parents should not neglect their needs

Some parents might like to boast that they do not put a dollar tag on their love for their children, but spending beyond their means can certainly land them in dire financial straits.

In perhaps the starkest reminder of over-indulgence, a retired and divorced couple ended up in the High Court in 2024 to fight over the reduction of $600 in monthly maintenance because spending over $600,000 for their children’s overseas education left them cash-strapped.

To make matters worse, their son and daughter were not in touch with their parents, leaving the judge to rebuke them for vanishing when they were needed most.

In another case, a retired couple had to sell their only investment property, which they had bought to earn rental income for their retirement, because they were also cash-strapped after paying for their son’s overseas education.

Overseas education has long been viewed by many parents as a luxury, especially when our own universities are already ranked among the best in the world.

It is reasonable for even the best parents to make plans based on their affordability, such as saving enough to pay for their children’s studies in tertiary institutions here only.

After all, the children have to do their part too – if they aspire to study overseas, they should work harder to earn scholarships to pay for it themselves.

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What parents should do

Even as parents save and provide for their children, they should take note of their own needs, such as by saving more for themselves and cutting down on non-essential family spending.

For instance, it is not necessary to take the family on an overseas holiday every year if it means reducing your own savings or, worse, using your credit cards to fund it.

If you have not done your sums to provide for a good retirement, you can very well run out of money just a few years after you stop working.

At the very least, pay closer attention to how the Central Provident Fund can help, because those who set aside $426,000 as their retirement sum when they hit 55 now can receive about $3,300 a month after 65.

If you and your spouse have such retirement plans, both of you can enjoy a very decent retirement income of more than $6,000 a month.

The lesson here is this: It is always better to be the one with the money because you can still choose to splurge on your children or grandchildren if you have planned well for your retirement.

Tan Ooi Boon is the Invest Editor of The Straits Times

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good parenting

SINGAPORE – As new parents welcome babies born in the Year of the Snake, they may wonder how to raise good kids without resorting to tiger parenting.

This strict approach that prioritises academic success, traditionally associated with Asian cultures, is parodied to perfection in the 2024 hit Chinese movie, Successor.

A wealthy couple trade their mansion for a rundown apartment, so their son learns the value of thrift and hard work. Undercover specialists impart educational nuggets at every touchpoint of his life outside school, whether he is grocery shopping or interacting with neighbours.

Even the boy’s disabled “grandmother”, who lives with them, is a master teacher in disguise. Eventually, their carefully curated set-up is busted when he becomes a teenager and realises that all is not what it seems.

The film’s laugh-out-loud take on tiger parents may be satire, but it still resonates in today’s highly competitive Asian societies.

Almost 45 per cent of Singapore parents still resort to physical punishment such as spanking or hitting to discipline their child, a 2021 study by the Singapore Children’s Society and Yale-NUS College found.

In recent years, newer parenting philosophies like gentle parenting – which emphasises empathy and respect for the child – have become popular among younger parents.

Gentle parenting has also come under fire for potentially shielding kids from real-world adversities and setting unrealistic expectations for parents, who may feel guilty when they fail to display high levels of patience and emotional regulation.

The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all approach and every stage of child development has different needs, says Ms Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director of private counselling consultancy The Relationship Room.

For instance, infants thrive on nurturing and consistent routines, while school-going kids need a balance of encouragement to develop skills and boundaries to understand responsibility.

To be an effective parent, understand your child’s strengths, weaknesses and how he or she responds to guidance, she suggests. Be sure to regularly check in emotionally with your child and adjust your strategy. Help your child process his or her emotions and guide the child to articulate his or her feelings.

“Provide a safe environment for growth while setting firm yet compassionate boundaries. Compassionate boundaries combine clear expectations with empathy, ensuring the child feels heard while limits are upheld,” adds Ms Pong.

Ms June Yong, lead of Programmes-X at local Christian charity Focus on the Family Singapore, says there are ways to adapt gentle parenting methods to each family’s needs.

“If you are parenting a strong-willed child, it may help to dial up your assertiveness while maintaining an empathetic approach. Take time to listen to your child and understand what matters to him or her,” she says.

“Conversely, if you are parenting an easy-going child while you are more of a disciplinarian, you may need to dial down on your rigidity and be more warm and affectionate. Otherwise, your child may struggle to connect with you.”

In disciplining children, parents often neglect to control their own emotions and use harsh words or actions, which may backfire when their kid does not learn the desired lesson, she adds.

They may also focus on changing their child’s external behaviour, such as forcing him or her to say “sorry” for hitting a sibling. Instead, parents should try to help the child understand how he or she hurt his or her sibling’s feelings (other-awareness) and the trigger that provoked the action (self-awareness), she adds.

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Here, parents with older children who have weathered the various stages share the parenting practices that have worked for them.

Set family values

Having common values can help children understand the family’s dos and don’ts, as well as what is expected of them, some couples believe.

Coach and counsellor Effendy Ibrahim and his wife Suliha Yusoff, both 52, have five family values they and their four children abide by: excellence, prudence, giving, sustenance and love.

Mr Effendy Ibrahim and Madam Suliha Yusoff believe having common values can help their children understand the family’s dos and don’ts. ST PHOTO: KEVIN LIM 

“We tell our kids: ‘This is the way we do things around here and you can hold us to account, but we’ll hold you to account for these as well’,” says Mr Effendy, founder of AYD Coaching & Counselling and a former senior executive in the tech industry. Ms Suliha, a former mathematics teacher, is now a stay-at-home mum and part-time tutor.

Excellence, for instance, means setting standards for themselves and not comparing themselves with others.

In academic terms, this means that he and his wife do not ask their children, aged 18 to 25 in 2025 and still in school, how their friends did. Instead, they find out if the kids did their best.

“It’s all about the effort they put in, not about the outcome,” says Mr Effendy, who is a volunteer with Bapa Sepanjang Hayat (Dads for Life), a fathering movement of the Malay-Muslim community under the non-profit Centre for Fathering.

Sustenance, on the other hand, means committing to something that they started and showing resilience to see it through.

Entrepreneur Yvon Bock, 46, says her four children aged 14 to 20 abide by three family rules. They are filial piety, respectfulness – such as not interrupting when elders speak – and “family comes first”, which means celebrating family events and festivals together.

Be firm but flexible

Mr Effendy allowed his children to play with the Nintendo Game Boy when they were younger, but their gadgets came with a “pact”, an acronym for the rules he set for their screen time use.

“P” was the permission they had to get; “A” was the attitude they had towards keeping the home clean, which earned them screen time; “C” was taking care of their gadgets; and “T” for time limits and regular eye breaks.

“We put the rules in place, but we are otherwise supportive of them so they don’t feel like they are constrained,” he says.

Similarly, all four boys have a midnight curfew, even though his older three are adults. He grants exemptions, such as when one has school-related projects or a charity event.

“This is not about us being inconsistent. It’s about us applying exemptions and exceptions when we feel it’s warranted, because sometimes they can get the impression that ‘Oh, it’s not fair, you let my brother do this,’” he says.

The same principle of flexibility applies to raising children with contrasting personalities.

Entrepreneur Yvon Bock (centre) says it is important to adapt your parenting style to the child’s personality. She is here with her husband, Mr Leon Bock (second from right) and their four children (from left) Kimberly, 14, Russell, 20, Lucas, 16, and Brandon, 18. PHOTO: COURTESY OF YVON BOCK

Ms Bock, founder and chief executive of baby bottle brand Hegen, had “a rude shock when everything we knew did not work, and we had to relearn everything” once her children became teenagers.

“We had to adjust for one of our sons as he felt we were too controlling. We then learnt that what he needed was more of a coaching or cheerleading style of parenting – celebrate his every success and guide him when he encounters challenges instead of solving the problems for him,” she adds.

Teach independence from a young age

When Caleb Lim was about five years old, he could make a simple breakfast for himself. At age seven, he learnt to wash his shoes and, by 11, he was ironing his school uniform.

Today, the 18-year-old, who studies sports science at Republic Polytechnic, still cleans his own toilet in the family’s three-bedroom apartment in western Singapore.

Ms Selina Ang taught her only child, Caleb Lim, to be independent from a young age. At five years old, he could make a simple breakfast for himself. ST PHOTO: NG SOR LUAN

His parents chose not to have a domestic helper to teach him the value of shared responsibility and contributing to the household.

“It’s about fostering an environment where hard work, thrift, and gratitude are paramount,” says his mother Selina Ang, 49, an associate director in marketing communications and corporate sustainability at a professional services company. She is married to a civil servant.

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Discipline with love, not anger

Discipline is a controversial topic among Asian parents. Mr Effendy says he used to cane his sons on the palm for lying, a major infraction in his household, when they were in kindergarten.

“The act itself is not an act of anger, it’s a reminder that this cannot happen again. It’s also about talking to them afterwards – where does lying bring you? We invest a lot of time talking to our boys,” he says.

When they were in primary school, they had to do push-ups and remain in a quiet corner as punishment. Once they were in secondary school, he replaced that with “a lot of conversations and dialogues”.

Having a set of family values also helps him explain to them why certain types of behaviour are not acceptable.

He adds that his open communication style reaped dividends, when one of his sons was scammed of $2,000 online and immediately reported it to his parents instead of trying to hide it from them.

Encourage thrift and prudence

Parents can encourage thrift and prudence in their children from a young age. PHOTO: PIXABAY

Ms Ang and her husband also chose to take Caleb on holidays and mission trips around the region instead of splashing out on shopping and sightseeing trips.

When they travelled to Sweden for his floorball training and competitions during the last three years, he contributed what he could to their expenses.

“He’s come to appreciate life better,” she says.

Instead of buying their children everything they want, Ms Bock’s family has a Dada Banking System or DBS for short, in which she and her husband Leon Bock, 48, Hegen’s co-founder and chief operating officer, match their kids’ savings to encourage them.

“When we travel, we always remind them that travelling is a privilege and the kids will always be in economy class, even though Leon and I might be travelling in a different class,” says Ms Bock.

Her autobiography, Extraordinary, topped The Straits Times’ bestseller list for non-fiction books for the week of Nov 9, 2024.

Get to know them as individuals

Every four months, Mr Effendy and his wife go out on a date with one of their children. The kids choose the venue and the couple use the opportunity to get to know them better as individuals.

“That helps us in learning about them and, when it comes to hard topics, we know who’s better positioned to speak calmly and get the message through,” he says.

“We also have a private WhatsApp group with each of them for anything they want to share and discuss with only us.”

‘Worldproof’ your child

It is a parent’s instinct to protect, but Ms Ang is “worldproofing” Caleb, so he will be less entitled and more resilient.

When he was younger, she would celebrate his birthday once every few years instead of annually. She also taught him that for every toy he bought, he would have to give up another one from his stash.

“He understands that the world doesn’t revolve around him. He knows that unconditional love doesn’t mean we tolerate every behaviour or indulge every whim. The only guarantee in life is parental love; everything else is a privilege to be earned,” she says.

Stephanie Yeo is senior correspondent at The Straits Times’ Life section.

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buy private

SINGAPORE - When my 936 sq ft Housing Board four-roomer in Boon Tiong Road reached the minimum occupation period (MOP) in December 2024, a PropertyGuru check showed that ambitious neighbours in my block were listing their flats for between $1.26 million and $1.28 million.

This was after four flats in my block had transacted at between $1 million and $1.21 million in the past year. Someone paid a little over $1 million for a unit located between the first and third floors, with 90 years and four months left on the lease, in October 2024.

I am grateful to have bought my home, which is fully paid up and has unblocked views of the Central Business District and the pre-war/post-war SIT flats in the Tiong Bahru conservation area, for under $1 million five years ago. But I don’t feel like I’ve hit the jackpot.

In fact, I am wondering if another round of property cooling measures is just around the corner, waiting like the Christmas Grinch.

Making the leap to a 1,000 sq ft new private home in Singapore is next to impossible with just $1 million, unless I take on debt and tap my Central Provident Fund (CPF) savings. Or I could settle for a 25-year-old resale condo unit in the suburbs at a median price of $1.32 million.

Missed opportunity

As I pondered the next step in the quest for my forever home, memories of a missed opportunity came flooding back.

There was a time I could have bought the home of singer Marie Osmond in Utah where I worked. Aptly named “The Entertainer’s Dream”, the 9,000 sq ft mansion has six bedrooms, five bathrooms and a basketball court, and was first put up for sale in 2007 at US$1.2 million. But at the height of the subprime mortgage crisis, the asking price dropped to US$845,000.

Ms Osmond was selling the property as part of a divorce agreement with her second husband, Brian Blosil. The couple announced their divorce in March 2007.

I worked for The Daily Herald in Utah then and had scored this exclusive. Ironically, it came a few years after a story I wrote about George Osmond – head of the Osmond clan – prompted the 87-year-old patriarch to visit our newsroom in a wheelchair to get a copy of the paper.

Little did any of us know that, just a few years later, his daughter’s home would be put on the market.

In hindsight, I should have made an offer. Today, 9,000 sq ft homes in that exclusive enclave list for at least US$1.89 million (S$2.58 million), according to Realtor.com.

But at the time, I chickened out. Having covered the subprime crisis in the Utah property market, I was loath to get into debt.

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Eighteen years on, as I face another fork in my home-hunting journey, I realise that $2.58 million buys you far tinier properties in Singapore. A 1,000-1,200 sq ft leasehold resale condo unit in the city fringe with at least 89 years left on the lease currently fetches a median price of $2.37 million, according to OrangeTee Group.

While this isn’t a fair or realistic comparison, given that the investment returns or rental yields, and capital appreciation or price growth, of properties in Utah and Singapore are different, I suffer from the grass-is-greener syndrome – an inability to feel content with life as it is, and being always on a quest for something better. 

It doesn’t help that many HDB dwellers, especially those in blocks known to spawn million-dollar flat sales, are bombarded with fliers from real estate agents tempting them to sell their units once these have reached the five-year MOP, and bragging about the million-dollar record-setting deals they have scored.

During the pandemic, HDB dwellers were taught how to use their sale proceeds plus a loan to buy not one, but two, private condos. The idea behind the so-called “sell one, buy two” strategy is for a couple to sell their current property and have each spouse take a separate mortgage for a separate property. As neither spouse is likely to have more than one property, no Additional Buyer’s Stamp Duty would apply.

For me, the clock is also ticking. If I want to upgrade to a new condo, I will have to do it before I hit 55, the age when additional restrictions on CPF withdrawals kick in.

When eligible Singaporeans reach 55, their CPF Retirement Account is created with savings from their Special and Ordinary accounts to meet their applicable retirement sum. They will also be automatically included in the CPF Life scheme, which provides members with a monthly payout for life if they meet the criteria. Any funds left in their Ordinary Account can then be used for mortgage repayments.

The way I see it...

But at the end of the day, how much property do I really need?

Even if I can sell my flat for a little over a million dollars, that’s not enough to cover the costs of a new 1,000-1,200 sq ft condo in the suburbs – a submarket popular with HDB upgraders – as median prices have jumped above the $2.4 million mark.

And is it really an upgrade when I have to incur hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, stump up more cash and CPF funds, and see a hefty portion of my monthly salary go towards mortgage payments plus monthly maintenance and sinking fund fees – all to quieten the fear of missing out?

Is there a need to keep chasing that dream home in a coveted location when there is no guarantee that property will forever remain a safe store of value? This is especially as the impact of climate change is already being felt in Singapore, and rising sea levels and extreme weather events such as floods and droughts are growing in frequency and intensity.

A climate report published by The Straits Times on Dec 27, 2024, found that Singapore experienced 122 extra days of dangerous heat in 2024, one of the hottest years for the country in recent times. Without climate change, which exacerbates extreme weather events such as heatwaves, Singapore would experience only four such days.

Notably, greenhouse gas emissions from Singapore’s land use sector are expected to rise between now and 2030, even though total emissions from this sector remain low. But what’s worrying is data from a climate report that Singapore submitted to the United Nations in November 2024 which showed that planting new trees cannot replace carbon loss from forest clearance in the short term, ST reported.

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And with more land slated for housing, more deforestation will likely be on the cards.

In the final analysis, no matter how much more land for housing is pumped out, or how many more rounds of cooling measures are implemented, it won’t make any difference as long as Singaporeans continue their love affair with property, in their quest for potential profit.

For me, it’s harder to give up – for the sake of upgrading to private housing – public housing perks such as rebates for my utility and conservancy bills, and the Climate Friendly Households programme, where each HDB household can claim $300 in vouchers to buy energy- and water-efficient appliances and fittings from April 15, 2024 to Dec 31, 2027.

Is it worthwhile having to cough up thousands of dollars a quarter for a condo’s maintenance, when I already have an MP who cares about her residents’ needs, and an efficient town council maintaining the public housing estates in Tiong Bahru at affordable conservancy fees?

Even if I could score a six-figure profit if I were to trade in my HDB flat at this point, and buy a private property in the suburbs or city fringe areas, where median psf prices for condos have seen triple-digit percentage growth in the past 15 years, I think I will pass.

Because I have enough. For now.

Grace Leong is senior correspondent at The Straits Times, covering property, white-collar crime, bankruptcies and liquidation.

hk szx

Isn’t it frustrating when a visiting pundit saunters into your city, passes instant judgment on it and declares that it’s slipping?

I say this as someone who, during my years in Hong Kong, gritted my teeth every time a journalist breezed through for a few days, churning out that same tired refrain: “Doomed, just another Chinese city, end of one country, two systems.”

Yet on a recent short vacation in the city that I still regard as my second home, I found myself judging and assessing, trying to gauge how its food and beverage (F&B) scene is really doing.

Retail in Hong Kong is clearly suffering – mainland visitors are tightening their purse strings, and locals haven’t been in a free-spending mood even as the city begins to emerge from the pall of the past few years following the 2019 political crisis and extreme pandemic-era isolation.

But my real question is whether restaurants are truly in freefall. If the F&B scene is on life support, that speaks to something bigger about a city’s pulse.

Dining out isn’t just about food – it’s about foot traffic, nightlife and the buzz that keeps an urban centre alive. If fewer people are going out, Hong Kong risks losing the intangible spark that sets it apart from other metropolises.

So, as I soaked up the cool 16-degree days, tackled hiking trails, gobbled claypot rice with extra lup cheong (Chinese sausage), and savoured sublime siu mei (roast meats), I was conducting my own five-day survey.

On paper, the situation is dire. Figures released in November 2024 showed restaurant receipts for the first three quarters of the year fell 0.3 per cent in value and 2.9 per cent in volume, compared to the same period in 2023.

That’s despite tourism numbers soaring from pandemic lows, suggesting something is off – the city should be closer to pre-coronavirus normality by now.

I learnt that neighbours were gobbling up Hong Kong’s cheese.

Mr Simon Wong Ka-wo, president of the Hong Kong Federation of Restaurants and Related Trades, tells me it’s not only on weekends that close to a million Hong Kongers head to Shenzhen or other Greater Bay Area cities for cheaper meals, massages and groceries.

Large numbers are also doing so on weeknights. Once those consumer habits set in, a few restaurant vouchers won’t bring them back.

This has me thinking about Singapore. Could we be looking at a similar trend?

Since moving back to Singapore last year, I’ve heard countless stories of friends spending weekends in Johor Bahru – a scenario that existed in pre-pandemic years but now plays out on a far grander scale.

Maybe it’s the pinch of inflation, that favourable 3-1 exchange rate for the Singapore dollar to the ringgit, or the fact that Johor Bahru – with its swanky malls like Mid Valley Southkey and hipster cafes along Jalan Dhoby – just has more to offer these days.

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Either way, the lure across the border is real. I even know of upper-crust folks making the weeknight drive up for groceries and dinner – some at high-end spots, others at humble warungs.

With the RTS link connecting Woodlands to Bukit Chagar across the border set to be operational in 2027, this cross-border pull will only grow.

So, what’s the solution for Singapore operators? How do you survive as a restaurateur when faced with cheaper alternatives just across the border? Is there a way to keep the lights on without rolling over?

The service

First, a Professor Obvious observation: service matters. The Hong Kong stalwarts I’ve frequented for years – Joy Hing Roasted Meat in Wan Chai, Kwan Kee Claypot Rice,and the cramped “Congteakafe” in Sai Ying Pun – continue to thrive by delivering exceptional, authentic experiences.

They offer that uniquely Hong Kong experience: you’re brusquely ushered to a table, often sharing because space is so tight.

You order char siu rice and tong nai chaa (iced milk tea) and get your food within minutes. Brusque, sure, but businesslike rather than rude – efficiency with a touch of civility beneath the no-nonsense facade.

The Hong Kong government also launched a tourist-facing “smile more” campaign last year, but nobody’s really asking for that.

Just be genuine. Keep the legendary Hong Kong efficiency, and we’re good – no forced grins required.

Mr Wong confirms this: patrons are indeed reporting better service at many places. Owners, having long neglected niceties, are now pulling out all the stops to revive their flagging fortunes. A slightly eased manpower crunch – thanks to labour from the mainland – has helped.

A uniquely Hong Kong experience: you’re brusquely ushered to a table, often sharing because space is so tight. PHOTO: AFP

There could be further improvement, Mr Wong contends (ever the industry lobbyist), if more labour were allowed in. But like in Singapore and everywhere else, the government has to manage the flow of foreign workers.

Ultimately, you can keep some of your customers from seeking cheaper pastures – whether it’s Shenzhen or JB – if you deliver more than just a meal.

Good service, a strong brand and a unique experience can turn dining into more than a commodity. People might cross the border for a deal, but they’ll stay loyal to a place that makes them feel part of its story.

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The hustle

Next, the art of hustling. After a day of hiking in Sai Kung – a peninsula famed for its beaches and trails – a friend and I sought a post-hike, pre-dinner drink. We ended up at a bustling Western restaurant in Sai Kung’s town centre while other eateries along the strip were nearly empty. The difference? An indefatigable maitre d’ engaging everyone who walked by, politely coaxing them to check out the menu. In the 30 minutes we were there, her success rate was 100 per cent, and extra seats were needed to accommodate the patrons she had lured in – including us.

When we praised her knack for doing this, she modestly replied: “They’re here for the food and drinks, not me.” That’s the Hong Kong hustle I remember: spirited energy that never quits. Her relentless enthusiasm was a breath of fresh air, embodying the upbeatness I sensed across the city – a feeling that this might be the year Hong Kong turns the corner, overcoming the moroseness and defeatism of recent years.

When Shenzhen is just a short train ride away and you can’t compete on cost, you hustle.

The same applies to Singapore as Johor Bahru becomes more accessible through improved infrastructure and seamless travel. If you can’t match the other side’s prices, charm diners with a unique sense of place. That’s the Hong Kong many of us cherish – and it’s the mindset Singapore’s restaurateurs need to thrive.

Connectivity cuts both ways

Third, increased connectivity is both a challenge and a strength that Hong Kong can use to its advantage. Mr Wong, on whom I tested my observations in a phone interview following my trip, emphasised that Hong Kong’s best opportunity lies in tapping into the vast 86 million-strong population of the Greater Bay Area.

For Shenzhen, the benefits are clear. Hong Kong residents frequently travel north for short and extended stays, thanks to seamless cross-border travel. No passport is needed – just a Hong Kong ID and a “return home” permit allow entry to the mainland. It’s likely that the authorities in Singapore and Malaysia aim to replicate this ease, in some manner, with the upcoming RTS link.

During my trip, I took a swift 45-minute train ride from Admiralty in the heart of Hong Kong’s business district to the Lo Wu border crossing in Shenzhen. Immigration was a breeze, and I couldn’t help but smile at the affordable biangbiang mian and other tasty treats in the bustling Shenzhen mall I visited – all at a significant discount compared to Hong Kong. The experience revealed to me the irresistible allure of seamless connectivity, drawing Hong Kong diners to Shenzhen for both sumptuous and wallet-friendly delights.

However, Mr Wong emphasises that this connectivity also brings significant opportunities for Hong Kong. Just as Hong Kong, a city of 7.5 million people, saw a 48 per cent increase in mainland visits, totaling 93 million trips (excluding air travel) in 2024, inbound travel from the mainland surged by 27 per cent to 34 million trips.

Instead of viewing cross-border travel solely as competition, he urges restaurateurs to capitalise on the growing number of mainland tourists visiting Hong Kong. In December, the mainland authorities reinstated multi-entry visas for Shenzhen residents, allowing unlimited seven-day stays each year – a policy revoked in 2015 due to concerns over overcrowding and parallel trading. The Hong Kong authorities now hope such access will be extended to residents of other major Chinese hubs, further boosting visitor numbers.

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According to Mr Wong, the key for Hong Kong’s restaurant and struggling retail sectors is to embrace the “volume game” that comes with more unrestricted travel for mainland residents. While Hong Kong can’t compete on cost, it can leverage its strengths to rejuvenate its vibrant nightlife. By attracting enough mainland travellers, Hong Kong can revive its lively evening scene, encouraging more local patrons to stay and enjoy what the city uniquely offers.

Ultimately, it’s not about fearing competition – it’s about evolving to meet it head-on by adapting to changing market trends. While Singapore’s restaurant industry isn’t facing the same level of pressure as Hong Kong’s, adopting a similar proactive mindset is crucial – and the good thing is it already seems to be taking shape. As STFood online editor Eunice Quek highlighted last September, many Singaporean restaurant groups have begun shifting from fine dining to more casual, affordable options. They’re launching new offerings for budget-conscious diners, demonstrating their agility in adapting to evolving market dynamics.

Hong Kong’s nightlife is slowly returning to life, but crowds at popular spots like Peel Street are nowhere close to levels before the city’s political and pandemic crisis from 2019-2022. ST PHOTO: BHAVAN JAIPRAGAS

For Hong Kong, my takeaway from this admittedly unscientific and informal study of the city’s food and beverage scene is clear: the Fragrant Harbour is neither down and out nor easily replaceable by Shenzhen – at least not yet. Hong Kong retains its inimitable charm – a blend of grit, spirit and uniqueness that defies easy categorisation.

The situation is far less bleak than it may appear from the outside. I share Mr Wong’s cautious optimism that “there is beginning to be some light at the end of the tunnel for the restaurant sector”. With resilience and the city’s indomitable spirit, brighter days undoubtedly lie ahead. Singapore, take note.

Bhavan Jaipragas is deputy Opinion editor and a columnist at The Straits Times.

support your child in learning

SINGAPORE – As the final countdown to the Primary School Leaving Examination begins – the written papers are from Sept 26 to Oct 2 – you may be planning to take leave from work.

You want to be a supportive parent, but your presence at home during the exam crunch can add to your kid’s stress levels.

“Many parents say they do not pressure their child, but their actions, such as taking PSLE leave, are suggesting certain expectations of their 12-year-old. I would be careful about doing that,” says adjunct Associate Professor Daniel Fung, chief executive of the Institute of Mental Health.

Some parents even take a year off work in their kids’ PSLE year to coach or supervise them.

“Is it your child’s exam or yours? Is it necessary?” he asks. “By and large, parents should be consistently available for their children. Take leave to spend time together and not just during exam seasons.”

It is not only parents with Primary 6 kids preparing for the PSLE who tend to shake up their family routine.

For children in other academic levels, some working parents would also time their leave around the end-of-year examinations, typically in October, and curtail leisure activities for the family.

After all, the final exams account for the highest assessment weighting, so a lot is at stake.

Keep calm and go exercise

However, Dr Jade Kua, 45, founder of Jade Life And Wellness Coaching Academy, encourages her children to continue with their sports endeavours, listen to music and just play.

“This may seem counterintuitive, but I believe that the key to studying well is to study less outside of school and tuition hours. The teachers in schools do a marvellous job and many students have additional help from tutors,” says Dr Kua, whose academy runs workshops for youth, parents, leaders, organisations and professional life coaches.

Her children – Mark Xavier Teo, 13, Marion Isabelle Teo, 12, and Marcel Ian Teo, eight – have always been sporty. She has three adult stepchildren as well.

“Aside from a reasonable amount of revision at home, there is little additional benefit from staring at the same information. However, spending time cycling in the park or swimming yields huge benefits.”

Studies have shown that exercising regularly helps improve one’s mental sharpness and concentration while lowering exam stress.

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When a student gets burnout

Dr Kua, who balances being an emergency medical specialist with her professional life coaching clinic and academy, says parents have taken their children to see her for what turns out to be study burnout.

“Some students complain about being unable to sleep well or having difficulty concentrating in class. They and their parents are mystified because they used to be such ‘good students’. Now, their grades are slipping despite their increased study time,” she says.

In such cases, she would explain to their parents that, as with job burnout, children experiencing study burnout tend to be in denial that they are not coping well. Instead of resting, they study even harder, but this does not resolve the primary issue.

Some older students may even take substances to keep their pace up, pushing themselves further to prove that they are fine.

“During my coaching sessions with them, I noticed that, in this state, they now compromised values, such as respect and integrity, which they previously held dear. This resulted in arguments with their parents and telling lies to get by,” says Dr Kua, who provides low bono or pro bono sessions for needy students and parents referred by charities.

“Just like job burnout, study burnout may require external intervention, so I work with the students to involve their parents, teachers or peers in their action and accountability plans. Having that community around the student is important.”

Learning extends beyond exams

Yet, exam stress is not always bad, as a good amount can push children to perform and learn better, Prof Fung points out.

“Sometimes, they feel disappointed and discouraged, but most would recharge and recover. The stress goes away,” he says.

“The problem is when they have stress that goes over one’s acceptable limits for endurance over a long time. There is a lot of pressure on themselves and that could potentially become traumatic.”

Some parents live vicariously through their kids and tell them to fare better than they did in their younger days.

Other children can feel the unspoken stress of their family’s expectations on them. For example, when every family member takes a certain academic pathway, the child may be quietly pressured to follow through.

Ultimately, it boils down to the parents’ encouragement and communication with their kids.

“Help your children understand that learning extends beyond exams and provide a loving environment for them,” he says.

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Dr Kua, who is also the Mental Health Film Festival Singapore chairperson, adds: “My children understand that education is lifelong. Given that context, graded assessments serve as clues, not judgments.

“While they won’t be punished for a poor grade, they’re expected to adapt their strategy based on the clues and work towards their goals.”

For instance, when her eight-year-old son received a poor grade, it could be because he forgot the date or revised the wrong topic. Therefore, his learning strategy might involve being more organised.

“We respect that graded assessments are part of a formal scholastic procedure. So if one of the reflections is that my child spent more time on his phone than revising, then his device will be turned in,” she says.

“But the emphasis of the learning experience is that he did not spend his time wisely, not that he was being punished for doing poorly.”

Encourage and motivate

To motivate their children to study, Prof Fung suggests that parents come up with a reward system – but it is not necessarily the monetary incentives that may cross your mind.

“If you want to encourage positive behaviours, you need rewards. But what works for your children? You should know best,” he says.

For kids who are self-motivated, achieving good results is one form of incentive.

For those who are not as driven, parents should understand what their children value.

“Get them to start with the tasks that they don’t like, such as revision, then allow them to do the things they enjoy,” he adds.

For example, if they cherish time on their devices, that can be a reward.

If they complete two hours of revision, for instance, they can play games for 30 minutes on their mobile phone. But make sure these are games that have a clear end-point or you might have a tough time getting them to hand over the devices when their time is up, Prof Fung says.

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There is more to exams than just the end result

At the same time, teach your kids, especially those in upper primary, to take greater responsibility for their study plan.

Guide them to organise better, such as working out a timetable, and prepare a conducive environment for them to learn better.

Dr Kua adds: “Every child is unique, so aside from common core family values, my parenting style for each child is different. One may respond better to close guidance, while a sibling prefers to study independently.

“Children’s needs change as they develop, so mindful parenting involves being patient and flexible.”

Recipes to boost your child’s learning power

Whip up a banana treat to help your child stay alert during exam preparation. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: PIXABAY

Bananas and nuts are rich in B vitamins which help the body convert food into energy. They are also good sources of potassium, which promotes circulation of blood to the brain, and give your child a power boost to stay alert and focused on tasks.

Try these easy and healthy recipes from dietitian Anthea Zee from the Nutrition and Dietetics Department at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital.

Nutty banana drink

Ingredients

1 ripe banana

2 Tbs nut butter

½ cup plain yogurt

1 cup milk (can add more based on preferred consistency)

Method

1. Add all ingredients to a blender and blend till smooth.

Tip: Add other fruit that your child enjoys. Freeze banana or fruit before blending to achieve an ice-cream texture.

Banana energy ball

Ingredients

2 cups rolled oats

½ cup mashed ripe banana

½ cup almonds

½ cup peanuts or ½ cup natural peanut butter

⅓ cup maple syrup or honey

1 tsp cinnamon powder

¼ tsp vanilla extract (optional)

¼ tsp salt

Method

1. Add all ingredients to a blender.

2. Pulse the mixture for 10 seconds, then scrape down the sides and blend again till fairly smooth, with a slight bit of texture.

3. Scoop and roll the mixture into small balls.

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dyslexia

I was sacked from my school’s prefect council in Primary 3.

My form teacher asked me to walk to the front of the class and instructed me to remove my prefect tie. As I undid it, she told the class she would consider making me a prefect again if I changed my ways. Although this episode happened nearly 40 years ago, the humiliation still feels fresh.

My crime? Untidy handwriting.

What also remains vivid from that day was a classmate who consoled me when I returned to my chair. Her empathy made a horrible situation bearable, and provided a comfort that has lasted a lifetime.

Yes, a lifetime. It turns out that I have dyslexia. This is a learning difference that is not something you grow out of, but adapt to. It has meant that I have always struggled with school tasks and have sometimes been branded unintelligent.

People with dyslexia have brains that process words on the written page differently. However, the problem is linguistic, not visual. When people without dyslexia read a word, their brains process the sounds of the letters (phonemes) and the written symbols (alphabets) instantly. There are 44 phonemes in the English language. When they see the word “bat”, their brains quickly identify the sounds of the letters “b”, “a” and “t” and blend them automatically. For us dyslexics, this process is much more circuitous. The meanings of words do not come automatically. We have to rely heavily on recognising the overall shape of a word, contextual clues or the big picture to guess the meanings.

I’m sharing my story to raise awareness, as October is World Dyslexia Awareness Month. In Singapore, it is estimated that 10 per cent of the population has dyslexia. In a class of 40, an average of three to four students could be dyslexic.

‘Must try to improve’

Early identification is vital, but this was not around in my day.

Yes, our handwriting is messy. Take that Primary 3 teacher. Her annoyance was permanently etched on my report book: “Must be more attentive in class and improve your handwriting. Untidy in his work. Must try to improve.”

My teachers in Primary 4 and 5 joined the chorus. “Untidy in his work. His handwriting needs to improve.” “His work will improve once he improves his handwriting. Try to improve on your results.”

Secondary school was no better. Teachers didn’t seem to believe that I worked hard. I missed only two out of 726 days in school. They often told me to work harder, work more seriously and put in more effort.

English and mathematics were especially hard. My grades from Secondary 1 to 4 for these subjects were 54.2, 52.9, 51.6, 46; and 55.1, 44.8, 45.4 and 43, respectively. Many teachers returned test scripts in descending order of our marks. It was terrifying.

Reading was exhausting. I managed to finish Enid Blyton’s The Wishing-Chair only after several attempts, and it remains the only fiction book I’ve ever finished. A teacher in secondary school sniggered when she saw me reading Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. I didn’t understand why until a few years ago, when the same book was assigned to one of my children in Primary 3.

The most challenging aspect of school was copying notes from the blackboard. Following teachers’ verbal instructions and copying notes meant that my cognitive resources were quickly used up. In 2023, after decades of searching for an explanation for my “hearing problems”, I was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder (APD).

Dyslexia and APD tend to co-occur. People with APD have normal hearing, but our brains struggle to differentiate between sounds and utterances. So background noise, such as low humming from classroom fans or background chatter at a restaurant, wipes out my ability to have a proper conversation.

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At poly, I finally thrived

My parents rightfully had very realistic expectations of my O-level results. My dad was primarily concerned about my punctuality. And my mum had prepared for the worst, reminding me that I had to repeat one more year if I failed my O levels.

My results somehow turned out okay enough for both polytechnic and junior college. I opted to enrol in a polytechnic because I desperately wanted a fresh start. The feeling of being a perpetual laggard in class was crushing.

At polytechnic, I flourished. For the first time in my life, I felt I could do well in school. I found the latitude given in project work and the practical orientation of polytechnic education liberating.

It turned out that I was exceptionally poor at rote memorisation, and seemed to have developed an allergy to highly structured instructions. But at polytechnic, students need to be comfortable with ambiguity and the open-ended nature of project work. This suited me, as I had by then developed other skills and coping mechanisms to survive.

Although I long suspected that I had dyslexia, I did not get a diagnosis until I was 28 while studying in the US. A professor urged me to see an accessible education specialist on campus. My reading speed was in the third percentile, which meant that 97 out of 100 people could read faster than me.

Like many individuals with dyslexia, I have limited working memory capacity. Working memory is essential for reading, writing and listening. With a smaller working memory, holding and manipulating visual and audio information in my mind requires much more effort.

On the plus side, because I could never copy down notes fast enough or hear spoken words in their entirety, I became adept at working with incomplete information. I became a natural at making inferences, finding alternative sources of information and drawing connections between seemingly unrelated phenomena.

I am in my 40s and some things remain unchanged. Reading and writing may get slightly easier with lots of practice, but they remain a struggle. Dyslexia and APD will not go away.

Given my challenges, I do not think choosing a profession – I am a social scientist – that requires one to read and write extensively was the wisest thing to do. But, as I like solving complex social puzzles, I’ll have to make do. Everything takes longer for me. I took eight years to complete my doctorate at Oxford; some of my classmates took less than half that time. At times, I feel embarrassed just thinking about it. I learnt to avoid making social comparisons, and focus on micro improvements and progress. A mantra I learnt from a mentor of mine – one thing at a time – is calming when I feel overwhelmed. Look for people who believe in you. And, as with most things, you need good luck – of which I had plenty.

The power of words to encourage or cause dismay has also remained unchanged. One teacher with whom I have kept in touch is from my Primary 6 year. We recently met before he flew to Australia for work. In my report book all those years ago, he wrote: “A serious worker who is able to obtain better grades in the PSLE (Primary School Leaving Exam).”

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What educators and parents need to do

To educators and parents, children with dyslexia must put in several times more effort to achieve what may seem effortless for other children. We are not lazy. Your responsibility is to help young minds find their strengths and an environment that allows them to flourish. Help us experiment with different tools, technologies and environments.

Thankfully, schools today provide a much better environment for students who learn differently. Every primary and secondary school has at least one special educational needs officer.

However, modes of assessment and methods of instruction would benefit from greater attention to the varied goals of education beyond academic excellence. As a parent of three school-going children, and an educator myself, I constantly remind myself not to confuse the goals of education with those of preparing for high-stakes examinations.

Education’s primary remit is to prepare students for life. Activities that do this are different from those that prepare them for exams. Recent developments in AI (artificial intelligence) make an overwhelming case for schools to move away from assessments that favour rote memory, hothousing and other mechanical activities.

We can never out-memorise or outrun what large language models can do. Parents and educators must prioritise creating environments that allow compassion, empathy, curiosity, critical thinking and collaboration to flourish.

To students with dyslexia: keep showing up. I think our time has come. We can use AI tools to augment our very particular set of skills. I think we have an unfair advantage.

Issac Lim is the founder and social scientist at Anthro Insights, a consultancy. He has a DPhil in Education from Oxford University, and teaches organisational behaviour at his alma mater, the NUS Business School.

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plan for retirement

If you are looking for a useful New Year resolution, make retirement planning a priority so you can take advantage of a new and important change to CPF that kicked in on Jan 1, 2025.

Those turning 55 now have the option of doubling their retirement savings, from the mandatory full retirement sum of $213,000 to the new enhanced retirement sum (ERS) of $426,000 for CPF Life.

If you make such voluntary top-ups, you will receive higher monthly payouts of about $3,300 from age 65, almost double the $1,700 payout for those who choose not to do so.

The chance to have a higher fixed monthly income in retirement is also open to folk over 55 if they make top-ups to their CPF Retirement Accounts to hit the new ERS with either cash or funds already in their CPF account. 

People in this group can log into myCPF portal to check the estimated payout they could get with their top-ups as they will hit 65 earlier and so receive payouts sooner.

The new ERS is a major boost to our retirement planning effort because the higher payout of over $3,000 a month means many of us can now rely on our CPF alone to have a fairly comfortable retirement.

Estimates by banks such as OCBC show that people who can get more than $3,000 in retirement income a month may even be able to keep a mid-range car and enjoy short overseas holidays every year.

This aspiration is certainly achievable for couples who plan for the new ERS together because it means that they can receive two sets of payouts from the national annuity scheme, or over $6,000 a month.

Such an amount is not something to scoff at because it means that in just 10 years, or by age 75, a couple would have received over $720,000, and $1.44 million by age 85.

These sums are just payments from CPF Life alone, and do not include other income sources you may have, such as interest earned from the remaining CPF balances as well as your bank savings and other investments.

Younger Singaporeans should not baulk at the $426,000 needed for the ERS because this sum is achievable if they are diligent in contributing to their CPF accounts as they continue working over the next decade or two.

Even those hitting 55 who are short of this amount should not lose heart because retirement planning is not a competition and does not have a cut-off date.

So long as you are keen to tap the scheme to boost your retirement income, you can continue to make gradual top-ups to your Retirement Account even as you work.

If you aim to save more, you will still get higher payouts. For instance, those who can set aside $300,000 instead of $426,000 can receive about $2,400 a month, which is still a decent retirement income.

Here are three other important points that you should know about CPF Life.

Cash Protection for Future

Your savings in the CPF account are protected from even lawsuits and can act as your personal reserve that can provide stable income even if the global economy is in a tailspin.

The non-profit CPF Life scheme is backed by the Government, so its monthly payout will remain stable, unlike payouts from private schemes which can be affected by fund performance, management costs and interest rates.

So you should always aim to hit the maximum sum for CPF Life to reap its guaranteed returns first, before you invest in other private retirement products.

In the past three years alone, close to 1,000 people have sought help at the Financial Industry Disputes Resolution Centre after they bought unsuitable financial products that resulted in losses.

It is fair to say that most of them were not aware of the benefits of CPF Life and so ended up buying private investment products which failed to deliver.

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For instance, a retired senior executive told Invest recently that he bought an annuity of close to $2 million as he hoped to get monthly income of a few thousand dollars.

He had to pay $500,000 and borrowed about $1.5 million from the bank. While the scheme was viable when interest rates were low a few years ago, it fell apart when his borrowing costs shot up. So instead of receiving his retirement income, he ended up having to pay the bank tens of thousands for his loan.

Ironically, if he had used the $500,000 to top up the Retirement Accounts for himself and his wife, they could have received up to $5,000 a month for as long as they live, with no strings attached.

So do yourself a favour – before you sign up for a fresh financial product for your retirement, visit the CPF office to find out how its risk-free and cost-free scheme can benefit you more.

Your own retirement matters more

Some people refrain from saving more for CPF Life because they have the wrong idea that they will be short-changed and their savings will be “gone” if they die early.

If the national scheme does not make money from you when you are alive, it will certainly not take advantage of you when you are no longer around.

The CPF Board states on its website that if a member dies after receiving a certain amount of monthly payouts, any unpaid portion from his CPF Life scheme plus the remaining balance in other CPF accounts will be paid to his nominated beneficiaries.

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It is noble for parents to worry about their children but they should put equal emphasis on their own retirement needs too.

Recently an elderly divorced couple had to go to court to fight over $600 of monthly maintenance because both sides ended up cash-strapped in old age, after splurging over $600,000 on their kids’ education.

They would likely not end up this way if both of them had planned for decent monthly payouts from CPF Life.

You should view CPF Life as your own retirement scheme, and not a legacy scheme for your beneficiaries.

If you are keen to give more to your children, you will do them a bigger favour if you make regular top-ups to their Special Accounts even when they are kids. This will give them a chance of having a lot more money when it is their turn to reap the benefits of CPF Life.

Cash is king in retirement

There is a reason why financial advisers always tell their clients to diversify their investments because this could save you from being insolvent in a downturn.

By all means, if you have plenty of spare cash, you can focus on higher-risk investments, such as investing in some US stocks that have delivered impressive capital gains for their investors.

But it still pays to have a solid fixed income back-up, such as CPF Life, so that you will always have enough money in your old age, regardless of how your other investments fare.

Some people think it is better to use up all their CPF and cash savings to buy a second property so that they can rely on rental income in retirement. But this will not come cheap as there are mortgage payments, income and property taxes as well as maintenance costs to consider.

More importantly, could you bear these extra costs if you can’t find tenants?

Finally, we invest to live, and not live to invest. And if we have done adequate planning, our retirement should be fun, without having to worry about money because a decent deposit will just appear in our bank account every month.

Tan Ooi Boon is the Invest Editor of The Straits Times

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