You want to be a supportive parent, but your presence at home during the exam crunch can add to your kid’s stress levels.
“Many parents say they do not pressure their child, but their actions, such as taking PSLE leave, are suggesting certain expectations of their 12-year-old. I would be careful about doing that,” says adjunct Associate Professor Daniel Fung, chief executive of the Institute of Mental Health.
Some parents even take a year off work in their kids’ PSLE year to coach or supervise them.
“Is it your child’s exam or yours? Is it necessary?” he asks. “By and large, parents should be consistently available for their children. Take leave to spend time together and not just during exam seasons.”
It is not only parents with Primary 6 kids preparing for the PSLE who tend to shake up their family routine.
For children in other academic levels, some working parents would also time their leave around the end-of-year examinations, typically in October, and curtail leisure activities for the family.
After all, the final exams account for the highest assessment weighting, so a lot is at stake.
Keep calm and go exercise
However, Dr Jade Kua, 45, founder of Jade Life And Wellness Coaching Academy, encourages her children to continue with their sports endeavours, listen to music and just play.
“This may seem counterintuitive, but I believe that the key to studying well is to study less outside of school and tuition hours. The teachers in schools do a marvellous job and many students have additional help from tutors,” says Dr Kua, whose academy runs workshops for youth, parents, leaders, organisations and professional life coaches.
Her children – Mark Xavier Teo, 13, Marion Isabelle Teo, 12, and Marcel Ian Teo, eight – have always been sporty. She has three adult stepchildren as well.
“Aside from a reasonable amount of revision at home, there is little additional benefit from staring at the same information. However, spending time cycling in the park or swimming yields huge benefits.”
Studies have shown that exercising regularly helps improve one’s mental sharpness and concentration while lowering exam stress.
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When a student gets burnout
Dr Kua, who balances being an emergency medical specialist with her professional life coaching clinic and academy, says parents have taken their children to see her for what turns out to be study burnout.
“Some students complain about being unable to sleep well or having difficulty concentrating in class. They and their parents are mystified because they used to be such ‘good students’. Now, their grades are slipping despite their increased study time,” she says.
In such cases, she would explain to their parents that, as with job burnout, children experiencing study burnout tend to be in denial that they are not coping well. Instead of resting, they study even harder, but this does not resolve the primary issue.
Some older students may even take substances to keep their pace up, pushing themselves further to prove that they are fine.
“During my coaching sessions with them, I noticed that, in this state, they now compromised values, such as respect and integrity, which they previously held dear. This resulted in arguments with their parents and telling lies to get by,” says Dr Kua, who provides low bono or pro bono sessions for needy students and parents referred by charities.
“Just like job burnout, study burnout may require external intervention, so I work with the students to involve their parents, teachers or peers in their action and accountability plans. Having that community around the student is important.”
Learning extends beyond exams
Yet, exam stress is not always bad, as a good amount can push children to perform and learn better, Prof Fung points out.
“Sometimes, they feel disappointed and discouraged, but most would recharge and recover. The stress goes away,” he says.
“The problem is when they have stress that goes over one’s acceptable limits for endurance over a long time. There is a lot of pressure on themselves and that could potentially become traumatic.”
Some parents live vicariously through their kids and tell them to fare better than they did in their younger days.
Other children can feel the unspoken stress of their family’s expectations on them. For example, when every family member takes a certain academic pathway, the child may be quietly pressured to follow through.
Ultimately, it boils down to the parents’ encouragement and communication with their kids.
“Help your children understand that learning extends beyond exams and provide a loving environment for them,” he says.
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Dr Kua, who is also the Mental Health Film Festival Singapore chairperson, adds: “My children understand that education is lifelong. Given that context, graded assessments serve as clues, not judgments.
“While they won’t be punished for a poor grade, they’re expected to adapt their strategy based on the clues and work towards their goals.”
For instance, when her eight-year-old son received a poor grade, it could be because he forgot the date or revised the wrong topic. Therefore, his learning strategy might involve being more organised.
“We respect that graded assessments are part of a formal scholastic procedure. So if one of the reflections is that my child spent more time on his phone than revising, then his device will be turned in,” she says.
“But the emphasis of the learning experience is that he did not spend his time wisely, not that he was being punished for doing poorly.”
Encourage and motivate
To motivate their children to study, Prof Fung suggests that parents come up with a reward system – but it is not necessarily the monetary incentives that may cross your mind.
“If you want to encourage positive behaviours, you need rewards. But what works for your children? You should know best,” he says.
For kids who are self-motivated, achieving good results is one form of incentive.
For those who are not as driven, parents should understand what their children value.
“Get them to start with the tasks that they don’t like, such as revision, then allow them to do the things they enjoy,” he adds.
For example, if they cherish time on their devices, that can be a reward.
If they complete two hours of revision, for instance, they can play games for 30 minutes on their mobile phone. But make sure these are games that have a clear end-point or you might have a tough time getting them to hand over the devices when their time is up, Prof Fung says.
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There is more to exams than just the end result
At the same time, teach your kids, especially those in upper primary, to take greater responsibility for their study plan.
Guide them to organise better, such as working out a timetable, and prepare a conducive environment for them to learn better.
Dr Kua adds: “Every child is unique, so aside from common core family values, my parenting style for each child is different. One may respond better to close guidance, while a sibling prefers to study independently.
“Children’s needs change as they develop, so mindful parenting involves being patient and flexible.”
Recipes to boost your child’s learning power
Whip up a banana treat to help your child stay alert during exam preparation. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: PIXABAY
Bananas and nuts are rich in B vitamins which help the body convert food into energy. They are also good sources of potassium, which promotes circulation of blood to the brain, and give your child a power boost to stay alert and focused on tasks.
Try these easy and healthy recipes from dietitian Anthea Zee from the Nutrition and Dietetics Department at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital.
Nutty banana drink
Ingredients
1 ripe banana
2 Tbs nut butter
½ cup plain yogurt
1 cup milk (can add more based on preferred consistency)
Method
1. Add all ingredients to a blender and blend till smooth.
Tip: Add other fruit that your child enjoys. Freeze banana or fruit before blending to achieve an ice-cream texture.
Banana energy ball
Ingredients
2 cups rolled oats
½ cup mashed ripe banana
½ cup almonds
½ cup peanuts or ½ cup natural peanut butter
⅓ cup maple syrup or honey
1 tsp cinnamon powder
¼ tsp vanilla extract (optional)
¼ tsp salt
Method
1. Add all ingredients to a blender.
2. Pulse the mixture for 10 seconds, then scrape down the sides and blend again till fairly smooth, with a slight bit of texture.
3. Scoop and roll the mixture into small balls.
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