In my 20s, I spent what I earned, didn’t think twice before buying what I wanted, and booked solo trips to Tokyo just to visit a friend or to Seoul because I needed some time alone in a foreign country.
Earlier this year, a friend on a trip to Paris messaged in a group chat to ask if we wanted help in buying luxury bags while she was there. As tempted as I was, I declined, saying I had to save for my house renovations. Cue sad face emoji.
One replied: “Don’t give sad face! It’s the right priority!”
So why the change in lifestyle?
I feel that it is the Adult Thing To Do now that I have a toddler to look after – and another child on the way – and have to pay for my Housing Board flat renovations and fittings.
The worsening global economic climate, with inflation and rising costs, is also a factor.
A 2023 survey UOB did with global management consulting firm Boston Consulting Group in June found that more than a quarter of Singaporeans polled – 26 per cent – had to increase spending to pay for utility bills, groceries and transport.
With a higher percentage of my income and that of my husband’s going to the essentials, it seems prudent to prioritise spending on these items rather than to lust after designer bags and shoes, expensive wagyu beef or a short staycation.
After paying off bills and setting money aside for savings and items such as rent, my helper’s salary or monthly insurance payments, I put any outgoings above these through a rigorous mental price check.
For starters, I buy the cheapest butter and bottle of olive oil unless a branded product absolutely warrants the extra dollars because of its unbeatable taste or quality. If I have to choose between two brands, I pit them against each other – what ingredients go in them, the weight or amount of the product, and price – to ensure my choice is cost-efficient.
The only thing I won’t skimp on at the supermarket is toilet paper: It must be four-ply.
My usual morning coffee is a kopi packet instead of a barista-made flat white. I eat more home-cooked food instead of regularly eating out like I used to. Overseas holidays – the last one being just before the Covid-19 pandemic – have been postponed indefinitely.
That’s not to say we are living an austere life.
We enjoy some indulgences, as does our toddler, who lately has been asking for chocolate and toys. I still treat myself to iced lattes or avocado on toast once in a while – Australian millionaire Tim Gurner’s advice to skip those to save money be damned.
ST ILLUSTRATION: MIEL
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That feeling of missing out
However, the transition to this new lifestyle – not spending on just myself and my wants and having to budget, gasp! – wasn’t the easiest.
I felt like I was missing out when I saw friends and family go on multiple holidays a year (Paris! Hong Kong! Switzerland!), eat at Michelin-starred restaurants once a week, or lead what seems like a carefree lifestyle after the pandemic restrictions were lifted.
I am not alone in how I feel. A 2022 retirement report by digital wealth platform Endowus found that the younger generations (Gen Z and millennials) were less inclined to cut down on non-essential expenses than older generations, and more likely to find ways to increase their incomes instead, through side gigs or investing.
What I needed, though, was a mindset shift. I was sick of pitying myself and feeling like something in my life was lacking. Technically, I still had money to spend, and it was on things which I count myself blessed to have: a healthy family and my own home.
In the process, I realised that much of what I am grateful for is not material in nature. This also made me question why I still craved physical things like shoes and bags. Did I really think they would enrich my life? Who was I trying to impress? Why did I want a new $4,000 handbag over my current collection of bags?
Being more mindful of my blessings made me more content.
This period of strict budgeting is only temporary, I tell myself, with a reminder that the home renovations and purchases of household appliances were a one-time – though huge – expenditure. Once they are paid off, I will have more disposable income to spend on other things – and save more.
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What we need to be truly happy
My husband and I still want to hop on a plane for a winter holiday overseas – and the experience will be fun for our daughter, friends say – but I’d be sabotaging myself if I think that an overseas holiday now is what we truly need to be happy. I choose to see these vacations as “delayed” rather than “taken away”.
Having just moved into my new Build-To-Order HDB flat that still needs a rice cooker and dining chairs, with a toddler who needs socks faster than I can buy her new ones, I wish I had not emulated the lead character in the TV series Sex And The City and Carrie-Bradshawed my way through my 20s using money that, in hindsight, could have been better spent elsewhere.
I want to stop spending money, I told a girlfriend recently when I was feeling particularly broke. To which she replied: “But the house is being a home. Slowly but surely!”
My change in mindset has given me a new perspective on Yolo. If it is true you only live once, then I want to be present for my family and build a loving home environment instead of feeling that a perceived lack of money is holding me back from a fulfilling life.
Of course, having a Yolo attitude isn’t necessarily bad or wrong – whether one has dependants or not. It’s more about how we apply the attitude and what we’re applying it towards.
For the longest time, I saw Yolo as an excuse to treat myself to things, but having gone through some life-changing experiences over the past few years, I have found new meaning in the phrase and become more circumspect in my choices.
That has strengthened my resolve to prioritise my family and decide what other relationships in my life are worth cultivating. My relationship with things? One of the first to go.
The dream vacation can wait. Right now, I’d much rather spend on a rice cooker – and the chocolate my toddler is asking for.
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