I didn’t know that the price of a ride included an instant nuclear family – which did not exist for me outside of the cabby’s mind – and that I was disappointing family, society and all of mankind just by breathing and being female.
Blank woman paper doll
It was a bit of a shock being seen that night as a blank woman paper doll for people to dress up – or give me a dressing down – in a female stock role of the nurturing mother or the selfish money-faced witch.
“Earn so much money for what,” he sniped at my weird working hours from behind his wheel. After all, children are important.
I agree that they are important and what if the money is going towards their needs, wants and dreams, I said in my mind, and what if I can earn a bigger salary to give everyone a good life.
“The father can get the children ready in the morning. The mother can earn the money,” I continued saying, but this time out loud.
Metaphorically speaking, because… what children? Why did the cabby put mummy paper doll clothes on me, and why am I wearing them?
Well, I was keeping the mummy hat on for at least the duration of the ride so that I can defend working mothers with weird office hours from being called bad mums.
Is getting children and breakfast ready something that only women can do?
“Aiyah, earn so much money for what,” he could only repeat.
Is the mother’s money earned with love no good?
Is the father’s breakfast prepared with love no good?
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‘Earn so much money for what’
If there are a lot of people here sharing the cabby’s point of view, then throw Singapore’s upcoming parental leave enhancements out of the cab window.
Under the amendments to the Child Development Co-Savings Act, parents-to-be will get another 10 weeks of shared leave on top of their current leave entitlement, bringing the total amount of government-paid parental leave to 30 weeks by April 1, 2026.
From April 1, 2025, eligible fathers of Singaporean children will also be entitled to four weeks of mandatory government-paid paternity leave.
But why bother when the cabby and some others of his ilk may spend such daddy leave sitting on the sofa as the new mummies take care of the babies and clean the house, vacuuming under the legs that such men are shaking in front of the telly?
In the US, women spend 47 minutes more on housework on average than men each day, according to the US Bureau of Labour Statistics. That adds up to roughly 5½ hours each week, and that is not including childcare, grocery shopping or errands, which the bureau classifies in other categories and of which women also do far more.
Among dual-career couples, women do more housework – even when they earn more money than their partners, said a 2023 Bloomberg report.
It said women pay a steep economic penalty for being so helpful. Looking at comparative data across countries, the more housework men do, the more women there are in leadership roles in government and business.
“Earn so much money for what…”
We earn it to feed ourselves and the ones we love without begging for handouts from chauvinists.
We earn it to have options for getting away from men who drive women back to stereotypical gender roles of yesteryear.
We earn it so we would not have to listen to someone telling us what to do with our own time, money and dreams.
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Womb questions
The conversation in the cab came as something of a shock to me because, for years, I have not had to put on a gendered hat.
Once you grow older and get clear of the personal questions about what you would like to do with your womb, it is easier to live in a more carefree manner in which your gender does not matter.
In my work life, I suppose I am lucky that my gender or even species – I could be a cat typing at a keyboard for all they cared at the office – mostly does not matter as long as the work is done and delivered.
It must have helped that Singapore ranked eighth worldwide out of 166 countries and first in the Asia-Pacific for having a low level of gender inequality in the 2024 United Nations Gender Inequality Index.
The Straits Times reported in 2024 that when comparing male and female Singapore residents with similar characteristics in age, education and occupation, the adjusted gender pay gap was 6 per cent in 2023. This is down from 6.7 per cent in 2018. The adjusted gender pay gap reflects unmeasured characteristics, like differences in the effects of parenthood and caregiving responsibilities, which women tend to shoulder more than men.
So my gender mostly does not matter until occasions like International Women’s Day, which falls on March 8, come around.
Then, instead of being shocked like in the cab, I am gently bemused when asked if I would like to write something about the theme. I at first did not think I had any special insights into being female. This was until I realised in a meta moment that perhaps I did have some, because women get asked gender-specific questions.
Women get asked what they would like to do with their wombs and get judged for it.
Women get asked by complete strangers why they are working late when they should be waking up early to take care of the children and breakfast.
When I get asked these questions, I instantly develop special insights into being a woman.
I usually peacefully go through life not taking an active part in feminist battles and affirmations, which sometimes come in a form such as International Women’s Day, rightly celebrating the achievements of women and marking a call to action for gender equality.
I prefer to simply occupy the space which I believe I am entitled to as a full member of the human race without referring to my gender.
In fact, my hope is that one day, calls to action for gender equality and women’s days will no longer be needed when females are treated as equal members of humankind.
After I got out of the cab, I kept the mummy hat on for a while longer and had a last question in my head for the cabby.
What makes you think that a mother, metaphorical or not, won’t get up early to get breakfast and her children ready just because she regularly arrives home late from work?
Denise Chong is a senior executive sub-editor at The Straits Times. She also writes opinion pieces.
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