when sec school has finally finished

Dearest S,

Four years of secondary school have passed in a flash and you’re now at the tail end of the journey with the O-level examinations starting next week.

You sat your last major exam, the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE), in the middle of a pandemic, wearing a mask and dealing with the uncertainty of school closure.

So much has happened since and you have had a fulfilling secondary school journey.

You made up for missing the National Day Parade National Education show in Primary 5 by attending the show with your friends when you were in Secondary 3.

Through the Art Elective Programme, you developed critical thinking and time management skills.

You sometimes spent 10 hours perfecting a drawing or sculpture, but that taught you to organise your schedule, juggle your work and stay disciplined.

You invested just as many hours on your dance co-curricular activity (CCA), preparing for the Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) Arts Presentation, among other performances.

You said it was stressful, and sometimes you dreaded practice, but I hope you see that you also gained from the strict and tiring regimen. You built resilience and strength, and learnt about the importance of honing a technique and the beauty of teamwork.

A bonus was making unforgettable memories with friends.

You spent hours and hours on your art and dance, but you might have spent just as much time on your schoolwork.

Mathematics and science were not your strongest subjects when you started secondary school, but with help from your teachers and tutors, and your own hard work, you are now doing reasonably well in them.

I hope you feel a sense of pride knowing that something you worked for has seen improvement. That personal satisfaction is something no one can take away from you.

When you look back on your secondary school years, you might be surprised that it won’t be the classroom lessons that you will remember, but the hours in the art room with your friends doing your coursework or the repetitive dance routines you worked on before the SYF.

In fact, when you hear certain songs in the future, it will bring you right back to the dance studio.

I know because I went through the same journey, and I miss my Chinese orchestra CCA practices on Saturdays and hanging out with like-minded friends from secondary school.

More On This Topic

Minor Issues: Why I didn’t send my daughters to my brand-name primary school

Minor Issues: Bloom where you are planted, wherever you may go

Teenage angst and more

You sometimes joke about being an angsty teenager, and I’m glad it remains a joke, mostly.

This is especially so because when I did not allow you to have access to social media in Secondary 1, I was worried that the decision would affect our relationship.

I felt guilty and wondered if you would resent me for not allowing you to have what most teenagers have. And whether you would go behind my back and get the apps anyway.

Four years on, I’m thankful I persevered in explaining the dangers to you when you were younger and in making sure we have time daily to chat about anything and everything.

I had hoped that by building our relationship first, you would be more prepared for the ills of social media if and when you used it.

So imagine my surprise when I checked in with you after two, then three years, asking if you would like to have Instagram, and your answer was no, you didn’t see a need for it yet.

You are probably one of the rare 16-year-olds without a social media presence.

You are blessed to have friends who, in attempts to show you a TikTok or Instagram video, take video screen recordings to share with you.

I’m proud that you have held your own and for leading the way at home, especially at the dinner table, reminding everyone, including your papa and me, to put our phones away before dinner.

A friend asked me what you do during revision breaks without social media.

I told her that you would be curled up somewhere comfortable with your phone, on your reading app, devouring one of the fantasy novels you love so much.

I’m glad that you are still so excited to delve into a good book, that you remember your childhood favourites and are so eager to share them with your nine-year-old sister.

I think we made the right decision for you to take seven subjects in school, rather than eight like most of your friends.

This has meant you can focus on art and other subjects, and have more time to rest without spreading yourself too thin.

You are discovering your strengths and interests. That is important in life. Knowing what you love and what you are good at stands you in good stead as you graduate from secondary school.

More On This Topic

Do S’pore Gen Zs tackle life and work differently from their parents?

Minor Issues: A dad’s apology to his son for being a jerk about PSLE results

Effort and character matter more than results

I hope your results will commensurate with your effort, because you have been working so hard.

But know that how I feel about exam scores has not changed.

It is never about how many points you get. You have worked harder in the last two years than you have ever had; your effort and attitude have already made you a winner in my books.

I know it is hard to look beyond the looming exams, but no matter your results, the values you have picked up in the last four years will guide you as you journey through life.

You know what needs to be done and you get it done, even when I know you would rather be doing something else.

Even when you ask me how this maths formula or how that scientific information will be relevant to your life in the future, you make sure you understand it anyway.

I’m thankful that you still love sharing about your day and that you ask about my day as well.

When you were in the middle of your preliminary exams, I mentioned I would be having numerous meetings one day. I was touched to find a note you left in my notebook, saying: “You can do it, mama. The day will not be as long as you think. Love you lots.”

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve done enough as your mum, but knowing your heart is in the right place reassures me I’m on the right track.

I’m excited for you as you progress to the next chapter of your education. Continue to strive for goals you set yourself and derive joy in working towards them.

It’s the last leg before the exams. Keep going and know that papa, kor kor, mei mei and I will always support and love you.

Love, Mummy

Jane Ng is a senior correspondent who covers parenting and education. She writes a regular column, Minor Issues, where she mulls over her own parenting dilemmas.