us general

For one moment, it looked like the security of the entire world was about to be upended. With no forewarning and no explanation, US War Secretary Pete Hegseth suddenly ordered virtually all of his country’s top military officers – those ranked one star and above – to return to the US for an urgent briefing.

It is hard to overestimate the sheer scale of this operation. With approximately 1.3 million active personnel, the US military has around 800 generals and admirals, spread across the globe. To have them all fly back home is a massive undertaking, entailing the global movement of thousands of high-security staff and costing millions of dollars.

The US military has highly secure video teleconferencing facilities, designed precisely for such last-minute gatherings. So, if these facilities were not good enough for Mr Hegseth’s emergency meeting, there was only one conclusion: the event in Quantico, Virginia, was of such importance and of such a high security classification that only a face-to-face meeting was considered acceptable.

And the reality? The United States’ top brass, convened in one vast auditorium outside Washington, DC, on Sept 30, was treated to a banal speech about “warrior ethos” from Mr Hegseth, who zig-zagged across the speaker’s platform and waved his arms about in the manner of a young Ted Talk lecturer.

This was followed by a long, meandering monologue from President Donald Trump, who publicly wondered at one point why his generals and admirals were so quiet. He even joked that if those in attendance did not like what he had to say, they could leave the room – but “there goes your rank, there goes your future”, he added.

The initial speculation about the super-secret nature of the occasion came to nothing – the entire spectacle was broadcast live to the world.

If this were just the latest example of “entertainment” from a US presidency famous for offbeat drama, nobody outside the US should care. Sadly, however, what has happened at this meeting does affect many other nations. For it is a harbinger of how the administration intends to run its military.

Warrior ethos

Mr Hegseth is the first US defence secretary to have no experience of the Cold War; by the time the Soviet Union collapsed, he was just 11 years old. For America’s current top military official, the key reference point is not the Cold War confrontation in which the US ultimately prevailed, often by refraining from using its military might, but rather the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan over the past quarter of a century. The two conflicts in which he served also happen to be the two conflicts into which the US poured enormous resources, but ultimately lost.

Judging by his book, The War On Warriors, published last year well before Mr Hegseth knew he’d be tapped to run the Pentagon, the culprits for the Afghanistan and Iraq disasters are obvious: left-wing politicians in Washington, cultural “Marxists”, “social justice saboteurs”, all aided by what he calls “feckless generals” who mindlessly followed political directives, shackling brave young men – yes, they were invariably men – with all sorts of rules and regulations that were impossible to follow and led to many avoidable deaths.

US soldiers were “busy killing Islamists in shithole countries”, Mr Hegseth writes, only for them to be “betrayed by our leaders”.

The answer, Mr Hegseth claims, is simple. Under his leadership and that of President Trump, there will be no more gender- and race-based promotions.

“For too long, we’ve promoted too many uniform leaders for the wrong reasons – based on their race, based on gender quotas, based on historic so-called firsts,” he told his audience in Quantico.

The days of “social justice, politically correct and toxic ideological garbage” are over, Mr Hegseth promised. “No more identity months or dudes in dresses. No more climate change worship, no more division, distraction or gender delusions.”

The “fat generals” now sitting “in air-conditioned offices” will either have to slim down or get out. Constant training – not diversity and inclusion programmes – will be the rule. And all soldiers will concentrate on what they do best: kill people with maximum lethality.

Nor are these just words. Shortly after President Trump came to power, several senior military officials were fired, including the commandant of the US Coast Guard, the chief of naval operations, and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Many were women or black.

Mr Hegseth likes to believe that his observations about what ails the US military are somehow refreshingly original. Far from it.

In reality, whenever a US war ends in defeat, the military accuses politicians of being responsible for the failure. US generals claimed that the Vietnam War could have been won if only President Lyndon Johnson had let the armed forces do what they wanted. And conversely, many argue that the first Gulf War – that of 1990-1991 that led to the liberation of Kuwait – was such a success precisely because President George H.W. Bush left the military to do exactly what they wanted.

Nor is this phenomenon of blaming politicians for military failures limited to just the US. The most famous example of the same behaviour in Europe is that of the German military after World War I. It blamed its defeat on betrayal by Germany’s political class, allegedly ruled by Jews and other limp-wristed liberals. The so-called “Stab in the Back” myth was very influential in the Germany of the 1920s and 1930s, and contributed to the rise of Nazism.

Sometimes, the charge against politicians is not unfounded; US President Jimmy Carter’s micromanagement of military operations – invariably with disastrous results – is one such example. But very often, the “stab in the back” argument is designed to absolve the military of responsibility for failures, and that’s the danger that the Pentagon now risks.

It is noticeable that nowhere in Mr Hegseth’s latest book or in his angry speech to America’s top brass was there even a mention of old Pentagon diseases such as chronic turf battles between the military services, a bloated civilian-military bureaucracy, or super-expensive procurement projects that invariably end up both late and over budget. For Mr Hegseth, it seems, the real enemies of the military are only “liberals” and desk-bound “woke” generals.

US War Secretary Pete Hegseth speaking to senior military leaders at Marine Corps Base Quantico in Virginia on Sept 30. PHOTO: REUTERS

Who get to be warriors?

Military establishments everywhere also worry about the physical fitness of their soldiers, and about how representative their armed forces should be of their societies at large. Far from being original on this point, Mr Hegseth’s arguments are familiar to all military planners.

In Europe, for instance, there is a lively debate about the reduction in the number of hours devoted to physical education in schools, which means that either physical requirements have to be lowered for those accepted to military service, or the military needs to do more to get its recruits to meet its standards. There is also an active debate about the question of how inclusive the armed forces should be of women, ethnic minorities, or those of various sexual inclinations.

And, yes, there are constant accusations that Europe’s militaries are also playing their own games of political correctness. In Britain, for instance, critics frequently joke that, seemingly by sheer accident, a soldier of black or Indian descent is always placed in the front row of any British military parade, conveniently close to the TV cameras.

Clearly, the military cannot be a precise representation of society as a whole. Soldiers are expected to give up many personal freedoms that others take for granted and to do extraordinary things, such as to kill, if necessary. So, it would be silly to argue that recruitment and training standards should be lowered in order for the military to faithfully represent the nation it serves.

Yet at the same time, there is plenty of research indicating that the recruitment of people with diverse backgrounds, perspectives and skill sets is increasingly crucial as militaries deploy in new strategic environments. Emerging technologies also mean that physical capabilities are less important than they once were, so that gender distinctions may matter less.

And there are real risks in encouraging a “warrior class” which is increasingly distinct from the nations from which it recruits. The danger is that they may become a particular caste that speaks its own language, adheres to its own separate ethos and is therefore incapable of understanding the country it serves, let alone the enemy it is supposed to fight. It is hard to believe that as late as the 1990s, a top US admiral referred to female pilots in the US Navy as “go-go dancers, topless dancers or hookers”.

The key task is not to eliminate diversity programmes as Mr Hegseth is suggesting, but to make sure that no capable individuals are excluded based on irrelevant characteristics, while maintaining high standards essential for military effectiveness.

More On This Topic

Will Trump’s rebranded ‘Department of War’ lead to more wars?

Trump gave the military’s brass a rehashed speech. Until the 44th minute

The enemy within

Probably the most disturbing argument put forward by both President Trump and his War Secretary at the unusual gathering of top brass is that the US military should concentrate on what Mr Trump called “the invasion from within”, by which he meant US cities run by Democrats, which could become “training grounds” for the deployment of troops.

US law explicitly prohibits such deployments in anything but emergency circumstances. Yet Mr Trump has now turned his initial deployments to Los Angeles and Washington, DC, into a new strategy: Instead of confronting foreign foes, the US military will now be expected to act as an extension of the President’s domestic political agenda.

If he persists in the objective of transforming the Pentagon into a battering ram against domestic opponents, Mr Trump will quickly discover that his most significant opposition will come from the military. There is nothing that demoralises a military and renders it less warrior-like more than the idea that it is used mainly for domestic repression.

Either way, for US allies around the world, this week’s Pentagon developments are deeply worrying for the signals they send about the shift in norms and values as well as the focus of its attention. And they indicate a US administration determined to personalise power to an unprecedented extent.

One is almost tempted to ask: With allies like these, who are the enemies?

Jonathan Eyal is based in London and Brussels and writes on global political and security matters.

More On This Topic

Fear, praise and silence: Reactions to Trump’s military gathering

US government shutdown masks a bid for raw power

For hawker stall owner Fikri Rohaimi, it’s not all about business, but making a difference in the community, too.

The 25-year-old’s eatery, BlackGoat, sells steak and burgers. But every year during the Islamic month of Ramadan, Mr Fikri – a former assistant chef with two Michelin-starred restaurants in Singapore – gives away food to those in need, regardless of race or religion.

Kindness can go hand in hand with the practicalities of running a business, and embodies the kampung spirit that helped forge Singapore.

In a divided world, kindness is often the middle ground that opens dialogue and soothes tension. It makes collaboration possible. This doesn’t arise by accident. It requires people to choose humility and grace. 

Kindness is not merely courtesy or consideration, but courage, too – to see past assumptions, to disarm conflict with empathy, and to offer grace when it is not easy. In truth, kindness is an active, intentional stance. It is a choice to see the other as human first.

Yet, there is a common misconception that kindness is passive; a soft virtue ill suited to the rigours of modern life. In an era of algorithmic outrage and incentivised division, kindness must not be seen as weakness.

While globalisation has brought people of different cultures closer together, making our cities, workplaces and online spaces more diverse than ever, it has also resulted in more tension and misunderstanding. Global events further exacerbate divisions.

We do not have to look far for examples of where kindness is seen as weakness, and how this approach backfires.

Kindness in the community

In parenting, we find clear lessons. According to Unicef, studies show that strict parenting methods such as yelling may lead to desired short-term outcomes. But they often lead to anxiety, low self-worth or aggressive behaviour that could spell trouble in the long term. Children are less likely to process their emotions healthily, making it harder for them to build trusting relationships.

Kindness in parenting is not weakness. Positive parenting encourages a growth mindset and builds confidence. It is correlated with higher self-esteem in children, better academic outcomes and better mental and physical health in the long term.

Some may be quick to judge parents who take a “softer” approach, but words of kindness result in better long-term outcomes. Children who grow up in such environments are better-adjusted, more confident individuals.

At the recent International Conference on Cohesive Societies in Singapore, I discussed how kindness lays the foundation for shared values, allowing us to build cohesive, resilient societies anchored on a spirit of openness, learning together and mutual accommodation.

It begins with the recognition that our world view is not the only one. This, in turn, needs to be sustained by curiosity, empathy and the courage to reappraise our own biases.

Crucially, it requires listening. Not the kind of listening we do while waiting to speak, but real, active listening that seeks to understand context, history and lived experience. 

There are many opportunities to foster kindness in our daily lives. This could involve simple acts like greeting our neighbours, offering help to someone in need, or taking the time to listen to a colleague’s perspective.

In our diverse communities, we can make an effort to learn about different cultures, participate in community events and engage in respectful dialogue about our differences. It’s something we should nurture in our youth from a young age through educational institutions as well.

Kindness at work

Similarly, we need to look at how working adults view kindness in Singapore. 

The breakdown in kindness often shows up in everyday interactions at work, where colleagues are told off, bosses are blunt or employees feel sidelined. This often translates into a toxic work culture, where people neglect the warm gestures or kind words that can make a difference for someone.

If we were to let toxicity take root and fester in an organisation, that could lead to detrimental consequences. According to a study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, a toxic workplace environment negatively impacts employee engagement.

Additionally, organisational support increases employees’ engagement with their work, as well as with the organisation. Organisational support, in some ways, is also a form of kindness: letting employees know that their voices are heard, feedback is acted on and tangible change is observed.

More On This Topic

‘I did not want them to fall sick’: Boy who won hearts for sheltering bus passengers from rain

Grab driver goes extra mile for passengers by offering snacks

We often talk about cultural appreciation and diversity training at work, where they tend to be seen as one-off events, isolated from the reality of daily life. Shared understanding, which is the bedrock of kindness, must be a continuous effort.

In short, kindness allows employees to thrive.

In Australian company Moddex, the Thrive at Moddex programme was designed to allow direct input from employees to meet their needs. The programme covers financial and personal well-being, including mental health resources. Initiatives like these are relevant and impactful, in the way Moddex actively listens and responds to employees.

Workplaces need to be inclusive environments that celebrate diversity, encourage cross-cultural collaboration and connect people together. That’s when workers experience a shared sense of purpose and authentic belonging, where individual contributions feel meaningful within a collective mission. As a result, communication can become clearer, tasks can be completed faster due to clearer communication, and results therefore are better.

For a start, organisations can create an open and honest environment where feedback is viewed as means to improve, and not as criticism, which paradoxically impairs growth.

More On This Topic

Meet the ‘little red hat’ who travels around Singapore giving free haircuts to the elderly and needy

‘Always try to be kind’: Praise for motorcyclist who helped woman walking on PIE

Kindness as an indicator

We need to rethink how we measure societal progress. Alongside economic indicators, we should consider metrics that reflect the state of our social connections, the level of trust in our communities, and the degree of empathy for people who might be different from us.

Instead of just measuring progress by GDP growth, innovation milestones or technological breakthroughs, what if we also measured how well we treat one another? By how inclusive our communities are? By how often we choose kindness over convenience?

Take Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness, a development philosophy and measurement system. Holistic well-being of its people is prioritised over pure economic growth.

This is not to say economic growth is not important; rather, it’s about balancing economic progress with social, environmental and cultural well-being. Perhaps adapting from certain indicators from the measurement system could be included to better reflect the state of the country.

By making kindness and mutual understanding our priorities, we can create a future where technological advancement and human compassion go hand in hand.

It is a necessary path forward in our increasingly interconnected global society. 

Let’s not just build a smarter world. Let’s build a kinder one.

Michelle Tay is the executive director of the Singapore Kindness Movement, where she leads the organisation’s efforts to promote kindness and civic-mindedness in Singapore.

More On This Topic

Feeling at home in a kinder, more race-blind Singapore

People want to do good, driven by desire for positive impact on society

Two weeks ago, I attended a symposium in Stockholm organised by a consortium of Singaporean and Swedish universities on the theme of artificial intelligence (AI) and its impact on lifelong learning.  

The symposium was motivated by the idea that Singapore and Sweden have much to learn from each other, and indeed, conversations with Swedish researchers and friends provided grist for reflection. 

There is much to admire about Sweden. A country of a mere 10.6 million people – not even twice Singapore’s population – Sweden has produced an impressive array of global brand names, with H&M, Ikea, Volvo, Ericsson, Tetra Pak and Spotify, to name just a few. Thirty-nine Swedes have won the Nobel Prize, named after the Swedish inventor of dynamite. Notable Swedish innovations include safety matches, the gamma knife and Bluetooth. The popular games Candy Crush and Minecraft are also Swedish, as are global chart-topping bands Abba, Roxette and Ace of Base. 

Singapore may have had a shorter runway since gaining independence, but we clearly have a long way to catch up with Sweden in terms of world-leading brands, breakthrough innovations and cultural exports. 

Where Singapore excels is in governance and efficiency, which have seen our country achieve median worker incomes comparable to Sweden’s. But to keep progressing in the next phase of development, particularly in the age of AI, Singapore will require something different – the kind of innovation and creativity that Sweden is known for. 

Accounting for the innovation gap 

Sweden’s prodigious innovation output has been linked with the country’s strong investment in R&D, close ties among academia, government and industry, strong digital infrastructure and global orientation. These are factors that Singapore too does fairly well in.

Indeed, in the World Intellectual Property Organisation (Wipo) Global Innovation Index 2025, Singapore does as well as or better than Sweden in areas such as human capital and institutions; however, we are ranked 15th in creative outputs, behind Sweden in second place.

The innovation gap between the two countries likely reflects deeper social and cultural factors. 

At the symposium I attended, Singaporean and Swedish universities shared ideas and findings on how AI is shaping education, work and society. Those of us from Singapore tended to be more task-oriented, focused on how to harness AI to improve learning outcomes and productivity at work. By contrast, many of the Swedish presentations were more philosophical and contemplative in orientation, reflecting on the place of AI in work and society. 

The symposium was perhaps a microcosm of the Singaporean and Swedish approaches when confronted with a new technology. Our instinct is to leverage technology to stay ahead of the competition; the Swedes have a more holistic approach centred as much on the humanities and social sciences as it is on the technology itself. 

However, an overly pragmatic stance may mean that our institutions and people miss out on insights that come from deep reflection, which could inform the foundations of human contribution and learning in the AI age. With AI increasing its cognitive lead over human beings, and user interfaces becoming ever more intuitive, human insights may turn out to be more valuable than technical skills in the longer term. 

While Singapore’s 15-year-olds topped the OECD’s Programme for International Student Assessment (Pisa) creative thinking test, the question is whether our test-taking smarts will translate into breakthrough innovation in the years to come.

Breakthroughs in the arts, sciences and technology often have to overcome significant hurdles before gaining acceptance – precisely because of their paradigm-shifting nature. This requires intellectual passion, independence of mind, self-confidence, an “outsider mentality” and many years of toil and perseverance – qualities that may be at odds with a pragmatic mindset that seeks quick results, recognition and rewards.  

For instance, the first Swedish Nobel laureate, Svante August Arrhenius, received a fourth-class degree for his doctoral dissertation on electrolytic dissociation, an idea which eventually won him the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1903. Undeterred by his failure to impress his professors, Arrhenius sent his findings to scientists in other parts of Europe, eventually gaining recognition in his home country for his achievements.

Organisational culture may also impact innovation. Swedish enterprises are known for their flat structure and culture of open communication, which fosters collaboration. In Singapore, where organisations tend to be more hierarchical, with greater deference to authority, those in junior positions may sometimes feel inhibited in expressing their ideas or challenging received wisdom. 

For innovation to flourish, it helps to have a research ecosystem that supports ground-up ideation and experimentation. On our trip to Stockholm, my colleagues and I visited the Research Institutes of Sweden, which impressed us with its one-stop suite of support for innovators through extensive public-private networks and test-bedding facilities.

Singapore, too, has a world-class research and innovation ecosystem, but tends to be more top-down in the setting of research priorities and may put researchers under greater pressure to demonstrate impact and relevance. While the Singapore approach generates quicker results in targeted areas, it may be less conducive to serendipitous breakthroughs.  

Singapore may lag behind Sweden in creative output, but we are progressing in the right direction. Today, more young Singaporeans are taking up intellectual and creative pursuits, encouraged and enabled by schools and public funding agencies. The Ministry of Education has sought to shift focus from testing to learning, trimming curriculum to free up time for exploratory learning. 

More Singaporeans are also making their mark in creative pursuits. For instance, artist Priscilla Tey recently won a top prize in the World Illustration Awards 2025, while writer Agnes Chew was named the Asia regional winner of the Commonwealth Short Story Prize in 2023.

However, our societal milieu is still one that encourages a narrower form of competition. This is in large part due to the high cost of living and unequal economic rewards across sectors and occupations, which creates strong pressure for young Singaporeans to get ahead in the economic rat race. A more egalitarian society could relieve such pressure, encouraging more Singaporeans to indulge their passions as innovators, artistes and entrepreneurs. 

More On This Topic

When young workers quit jobs to pursue passion - and parents support them

Singaporeans and their struggle with the fear of being merely average

Is the welfare state the answer?

Sweden’s egalitarian society is underpinned by a comprehensive welfare state, which provides generous benefits for all residents from cradle to grave. A pertinent question is whether Singapore should emulate Sweden’s welfare state to encourage Singaporeans to take risks and explore alternative pathways in life.

The answer isn’t so straightforward. The Nordic social democratic model, long admired internationally, is coming under increasing fiscal and political strain.

As a Swedish friend explained to me, Sweden’s welfare state is based on a strong sense of social solidarity and shared values. Of late, the foundations of this social compact have been rattled by immigration, which has seen the proportion of foreign-born people in Sweden increase in the 2000s from just over 11 per cent of the population to 20 per cent. 

While immigration has been an economic lifeline for Sweden, given its falling birth rates and labour shortfalls, some perceive that immigrants are milking the welfare system without contributing their fair share. This is because unemployment and poverty rates are significantly higher among immigrants. 

Just last week, the Swedish government announced that it would be cutting benefits for large families in its 2026 budget. By contrast, the Singapore Government is now giving additional benefits to families with three or more children under the Large Families scheme announced in Budget 2025.

Apart from immigration, demographics also do not work in Sweden’s favour. An ageing population leads to higher pension and social service expenditures, while shrinking the tax base. Despite Sweden’s emphasis on work-life balance and gender equality, along with generous childcare and education benefits, the birth rate is around 1.44, higher than Singapore’s but far below the replacement rate of 2.1. This in turn necessitates further immigration. The sustainability of the Swedish – and more generally, the Nordic model – is therefore questionable. 

While Singapore’s low tax system is very different from Sweden’s, it is worth considering what more could be done here to strengthen social support and assurance without overstretching the state’s coffers. 

A more egalitarian society – both in income distribution and respect for those who have chosen less well-trodden pathways in career and life – could be the secret sauce that unlocks Singapore’s creative potential.   

More On This Topic

S’pore population now at 6.11 million, with 1.2% rise due to more construction workers, helpers

A ‘we first’ Singapore is the hardest policy for PM Lawrence Wong to deliver

Singapore’s strengths in governance  

In fact, combining this with Singapore’s existing strengths could be a potent recipe for success. Even advanced economies like Sweden admire Singapore’s policy coherence, public resourcing and coordination.   

In education, for example, Singapore’s national school system enables additional financial resources and good teachers to be spread out across a larger number of schools, offsetting the advantages enjoyed by students in the more popular or privately funded schools. This has led to high averages in educational outcomes, such that even our students from lower socioeconomic family backgrounds outperform the OECD (Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development) average in the Pisa tests.

Sweden, however, is grappling with growing disparities in educational outcomes within its decentralised system. While Sweden’s average Pisa scores are above the OECD average in reading, mathematics and science, the gap between the strongest and weakest students widened over the most recent period of observation from 2018 to 2022. 

Singapore has also been quick to develop a coherent national AI strategy, which has become a point of reference for countries seeking to develop their own AI technology roadmaps.

There is indeed much that Singapore and Sweden can learn from each other – not by directly transplanting policies and programmes, but through careful reflection, distilling what is worth emulating and adapting. I look forward to more exchanges with our Swedish counterparts as we navigate changes in education, work and innovation in the AI age. 

Terence Ho is deputy executive director of the Institute for Adult Learning. He is also the author of How Singapore Beat The Odds (World Scientific, 2025).

More On This Topic

Meet the world’s first minister for AI

Plucky Bhutan seeks to reinvent its economy

sci prayers

A Scientific Prayer 

- based on some 2018 PSLE Science Syllabus

By a Blue 💙 Scientist (not Ariel)

Our Heavenly Father, creator of Heaven and Earth 🌈 , we lift our boys (and girls) unto You.

May Your presence be felt as they sit for the Science Paper. Father, remind them that You were the one that said : "Let there be light☀ !" & so photosynthesis can take place & henceforth, food producers 🌱are able to get the food chain / food web started through which growth and reproduction can take place to ensure continuity of life🕊. 

We pray that our boys (and girls) will remain calm and take deep breathes, when they feel nervous, so that oxygen can be transported by blood 💉 in the circulatory system, from the lungs to the rest of the body. Remove all carbon dioxide that will turn their thoughts cloudy so that our boys (and girls) have clarity 🌬in their brain cells to remember all that they been taught and apply that knowledge🤔 to the questions. 

Father, You are the only one who is in control and has the power🔋 to switch 🔛them on and stay close 🔁to them, so that their brain juices will flow 〰 thru and the answers will light up💡! 

Father, we also pray that the nutritious food 🍎that they have been consuming, have been completely digested by the small intestines in the digestive system and will provide energy ⛽ to their body and continue to keep them healthy💪🏼. 

May You remove all Kinetic Energy 😖which causes anxiety and convert them to Gravitational Potential Energy😎, so that they may remain calm. Father, may your presence be felt as lubricant 💦to reduce the friction that is caused by the rough and tough questions.

Grant them the Spiritual and structural adaptations to write ✍🏼 fast and concisely. Enable them with Your wisdom to overcome the killer 🦈 questions so that they can reproduce whatever they have learnt to help them survive this Science paper. 

Repel⬅➡ all fears they have of the Science paper and we pray that at the end of this whole PSLE, our boys (and girls) have learnt to be more attracted ➡⬅to You, constantly be magnetised 🖇to u and continue to draw their strength from You as they move into their next phase of education.

💙All Glory to You! 

In Jesus most precious name, Amen

reflections for CCA

https://padlet.com/choy_mingzi_juliana/RMPS_SAC2025_enrichment_module_reflection_primary

mqeqYJLuqUF$8%SdsyPvVI

perfect flight

SINGAPORE – To most travellers, a plane is simply the space where travel unfolds. But behind every seat, overhead compartment and window lies years of planning, testing and investment.

From conceptualisation to certification, the timeline can span several years, says Mr Ingo Wuggetzer, vice-president of cabin marketing at Airbus, Europe’s largest aerospace company. “Each component – a seat, a lighting system, even the sidewall lining – goes through rigorous testing.”

Airlines and manufacturers consult stakeholders, run trial sessions and gather extensive feedback before arriving at a cabin design they are willing to put into production.

The costs are equally significant. German aviation giant Lufthansa Group, for instance, has invested €2.5 billion (S$3.78 billion) into product and service improvements since after the Covid-19 pandemic to the end of 2026.

The project includes upgrades like more spacious seats and a new in-flight entertainment system with Bluetooth connectivity to personal devices.

“Aircraft cabin design is a very complex task that contains several variables,” says Mr Marco Willa, head of onboard experience at Lufthansa Group. “When it is done well, it really is a masterpiece.”

Over the past decade, two priorities have shaped cabin design more than any others: weight reduction and the use of sustainable materials, says Mr Vito Mirko Giacovelli, Cabinair Group’s commercial director.

Cabinair Group is a Britain-headquartered collective of aviation companies that provide solutions in areas like aircraft interior design, maintenance and repair.

Weight reduction matters because a lighter aircraft burns less fuel, boosting efficiency and airline revenue. A familiar example is slimmer seating, achieved by reducing cushion thickness. Meanwhile, sustainable materials such as bamboo, recycled plastics and carbon fibre have made their way into panelling, flooring and upholstery – cutting both cabin weight and environmental impact.

But there is a trade-off. “Passengers are starting to push back on this trend, especially when reduced space and comfort don’t translate to lower fares. As a result, customers are becoming more loyal to airlines that deliver the best overall experience,” says Mr Giacovelli.

Juggling passenger and airline needs

While safety remains the top priority in cabin design, other factors are constantly at play.

Mr Yogesh Tadwalkar, director of ergonomics consulting firm Synergo Consulting and health tech start-up BalanceFlo AI, points to four other key parameters that often compete for attention: revenue maximisation, comfort, functionality and aesthetics.

Mr Tadwalkar, who has provided ergonomics expertise and training to major aviation players such as Airbus and Thales, says: “There are always some trade-offs between these. For instance, the trade-off between revenue maximisation and comfort would be packing in as many rows of seats as possible, which will have an impact on leg room.”

Ultimately, it is up to airlines to decide where one parameter takes precedence over another and how far each threshold can be pushed.

Trends in economy class over the decades, Mr Tadwalkar notes, show a clear shift where safety-related features have steadily improved, but cabin ergonomics – including seat pitch and recline angle – have deteriorated.

Still, some gems remain and newer features powered by technology are enhancing the flight experience. Here are five that make your flight safer and more comfortable.

1. Seats that will not catch fire

Airbus’ Mr Wuggetzer finds that one often overlooked, yet critical, cabin design constraint is flammability. “Every material, and combination of materials, must pass strict tests proving they will not burn for at least two minutes, in order to allow for safe evacuation of the aircraft in case of an emergency,” he says.

German airline Lufthansa’s newest cabin concept Lufthansa Allegris features new seats in all classes of travel that are said to offer more comfort, flexibility and privacy. PHOTO: LUFTHANSA

Aviation authorities like the Civil Aviation Authority of Singapore and the Federal Aviation Administration mandate fire-resistant materials for aircraft seats.

Mr Tadwalkar says this means all seat cushions have fire-blocking layers – typically made of synthetic or glass fibres – and fabrics, foams and carpets are tested to resist toxic smoke generation and be self-extinguishing.

2. Sixteen million lighting colours for better health

A more recent development is airlines’ use of advanced LED lighting that can shift in colour and intensity to suit different stages of a flight.

The Airbus A350 aircraft, for instance, features a lighting system that can create an immense number of ambience scenarios with 16.3 million available colours.

Airbus’ Airspace cabins reimagine the travel experience for passengers, and include features like an ambient lighting system and large overhead compartments. PHOTO: AIRBUS

“It can be programmed to reduce jet lag by up to three or four hours, helping passengers adjust more quickly to new time zones,” says Mr Wuggetzer. 

According to Lufthansa’s Mr Willa, adjusted lighting can counteract symptoms of jet lag like fatigue, dizziness and headaches, especially when flying across several time zones. The company works with Hamburg-based start-up jetlite, which has produced a science-backed light technology to reduce jet lag.

“An algorithm controls the cabin lighting according to flight time, duration and direction, as well as the time zones, daylight and seasons at the departure and destination points. More than 24 different light scenarios can be created to positively influence passengers’ biorhythms,” he adds.

3. Cabin air is cleaner than average indoor spaces

Clean cabin air is one of the least visible yet most important factors shaping the flight experience.

According to the International Air Transport Association, most modern aircraft are fitted with high-efficiency particulate air (Hepa) filters, which are 99.9 per cent effective at removing viruses, bacteria and fungi.

Mr Choong Weng On, vice-president of engineering at low-cost carrier Scoot, says cabin air is typically changed completely every six minutes.

“When we talk about air quality, we often measure it by how many times air from the inside is exchanged with air from the outside. The rate of air exchange in an aircraft… is comparable to that of hospitals,” he says.

Contrary to popular belief, air in the cabin does not flow along the length of the plane, but instead rotates in a circular motion from top to bottom throughout the cabin. This optimised airflow prevents the spread of contaminants longitudinally and ensures a constant supply of fresh air, according to experts who spoke with ST.

4. Aircraft fuselage material affects cabin air pressure

At a cruising altitude of around 30,000 to 40,000 ft, outside air pressure is far too low for humans to breathe unaided. Aircraft cabin pressurisation artificially increases air pressure within the cabin to simulate a lower altitude during high-altitude flight.

Until the early 2010s, the industry standard of cabin pressurisation was around 8,000 ft. That changed in 2011, when the Boeing 787 Dreamliner entered service with a lower cabin altitude of 6,000 ft, as a result of using composite materials to build its fuselage.

A composite fuselage is both stronger and lighter than traditional aluminium designs, allowing better pressurisation in the cabin. Lower cabin altitude is typically related to better passenger comfort as it can alleviate fatigue, nausea and headaches, which could help reduce jet lag.

Today, other aircraft like the Airbus A350 and A380 also feature a 6,000 ft pressurised cabin. This lower cabin altitude is now seen as the standard airlines strive to match.

5. Larger windows increase perceived space

One of the most noticeable upgrades in newer aircraft is the size of the windows.

“One of the major asks of airlines has always been that aircraft need more natural lighting. The whole cabin will look more spacious,” says Mr Choong.

Bigger windows allow the cabin to be flooded with natural light, which often helps to increase perceived space and reduces the feeling of confinement. 

Scoot’s newest Embraer E190-E2 aircraft feature 30.9cm-wide windows, which are 34 per cent larger than an Airbus A320neo aircraft’s windows. PHOTO: SCOOT

The Embraer E190-E2 is Scoot’s newest aircraft. It features a 2-2 seating configuration and windows with a 30.9cm width. The single-aisle Airbus A320neo aircraft, in comparison, have windows of 23cm width.

Scoot uses the aircraft to fly to short-haul destinations like Vientiane in Laos and Phu Quoc in Vietnam.

“The size of windows is more obvious relative to the whole cabin. The Embraer features a smaller cabin, so the big windows increase the sense of openness,” says Mr Choong.

Plane Truths is a new series that makes sense of air travel. For more travel stories, go to str.sg/travel

More On This Topic

Best buys in the sky: What is worth shopping for during a flight?

Plane Truths: How to bag cheaper flights

Sarah Stanley is a journalist at The Straits Times who covers travel, lifestyle and aviation.

SINGAPORE - The day he died, Goh Yong Le was taken out of class and questioned by two teachers in the conference room about taking a classmate’s belongings the previous week.

He cried three times that day. Shortly after the school day ended, he took his life. He was 11. 

In 2024, the year Yong Le died, there were 314 suicide deaths, a provisional number that will be updated in 2026.

Still, for the sixth consecutive year, suicide remained the leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 29 in Singapore, a persistent and tragic trend.

The day it happened 

In a recent interview, Yong Le’s father, who requested anonymity to safeguard the privacy of his family, said his son sobbed when he was asked to find the missing item, which he had apparently hidden in the school’s garden.

He and his teachers could not locate it, and it is unclear whether Yong Le had actually taken the item.

He was subsequently asked to write a statement about what he had done, and his school bag was searched. He became upset and cried again.

He then returned to class to complete a practice paper before attending another class.

After the last lesson of the day, the boy was asked to apologise to his classmate outside the classroom. He cried a third time.

His father, 42, said that their family was blindsided and that the boy did not have depression.

Helplines

Mental well-being

National helpline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)

Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928

Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1

Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)

The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)

Counselling

Touchline (Counselling): 1800-377-2252

Touch Care Line (for caregivers): 6804-6555

Counselling and Care Centre: 6536-6366

We Care Community Services: 3165-8017

Shan You Counselling Centre: 6741-9293

Clarity Singapore: 6757-7990

Online resources

mindline.sg/fsmh

eC2.sg

tinklefriend.sg

chat.mentalhealth.sg

carey.carecorner.org.sg (for those aged 13 to 25)

limitless.sg/talk (for those aged 12 to 25)

shanyou.org.sg

According to the teachers, he stopped crying each time and he appeared “okay” after that, said his father, a former software platform architect, who now trades on the United States financial markets at night.

Together with his wife, 40, who is a homemaker, he has two other sons, the eldest of whom is on the autism spectrum, and two daughters. Yong Le was the second of five children.

There was a call that day, but the teacher could not reach the parents by phone and texted to ask for a good time to call.

Yong Le’s father works nights and typically handles communication with the children’s school, and so his wife set the call for 4pm by text.

“We didn’t know he was disciplined in school. We didn’t know he was crying in school... Around 2.30pm, a phone call came from the school, and said he was found at the void deck,” Yong Le’s father said.

“Then the hospital called. They asked us, ‘Are you here? Are you here? We are trying to save your son.’ I had just woken up and I rushed down... When I reached the hospital... the tube was already disconnected.”

He loved his pet snails

Yong Le’s father said his son had gone to school happy that day, as he was looking forward to getting a new aquatic snail in the evening.

Yong Le loved his 40 small pet snails. He named all of them, and he alone could tell them apart.

He excelled in maths and science, often topping his class. However, he sometimes fell asleep during lessons, telling his father that he found them slow and boring.

He appeared “very chill” but was an emotionally sensitive boy, said his father.

“If his ting xie (Chinese spelling) was not good, never mind. When his teacher scolded him in class: ‘Why are you sleeping again? Can you wake up?’, never mind. When his friend pushed him down the staircase one time... he was also quite okay (about it),” said the father.

“He’s the quiet type, so people see him as very chill, until he suddenly breaks. Like once, when one of his favourite snails died, he cried for it, and he cried for hours.”

Yong Le also enjoyed his food.

His parents filled his coffin to the brim with his favourite foods, including a big tub of chilli crab, Nissin instant noodles and bottles of Coca-Cola, and other things.

Describing Yong Le as “an old man in a young boy’s body”, his father said Yong Le preferred to play video games or draw in a quiet space than go on outings. He would go on solitary walks once or twice a month. He also liked going to the library, and reading books on physics, microbiology and philosophy.

“He was just not interested in worldly things... When I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up... he said a ‘job at McDonald’s, food to eat and a bed to sleep in, can already’.”

Yong Le was very smart but wanted a simple life, and was still learning to deal with the world’s complexities, his father said.

The few times that he was overcome with emotion, he would go to his room to calm down and rest.

“Unfortunately, that day, in school, he didn’t have the safe bedroom and a blanket to crawl under,” said his father.

One thing that Yong Le’s father hopes for is greater empathy in the school disciplinary process, particularly those involving sensitive children.

While discipline is important, the child’s mental health should be prioritised when there are multiple crying episodes, he said.

Fully aware that suicide is complex, he said that he and his wife do not blame the teachers or school, but they hope to see more understanding for children who have a sensitive nature, like Yong Le.

More On This Topic

Let’s talk about suicide

Views From The Couch: Singapore’s digital generation and the contagion of despair

Suicide is complex

Dr Jared Ng, a seasoned psychiatrist who was the founding chief of the Department of Emergency and Crisis Care at the Institute of Mental Health, said that among children and young people, suicide can sometimes be a highly impulsive act, triggered by acute emotional pain or a stressful incident that feels overwhelming in the moment. 

“Young people are more vulnerable in this way because they tend to be more impulsive, and also because their coping mechanisms and life experiences are still developing,” he said. 

Yet, even when suicide looks impulsive, it usually occurs against a backdrop of vulnerabilities that have been present for some time, he said.

Many who die by suicide have underlying mental health conditions, ongoing stress in their lives, or struggles with self-esteem and isolation, he added.

“In the days and weeks before death, it is not uncommon to see warning signs such as changes in mood, withdrawal, recklessness or expressions of despair,” said the founder of Connections MindHealth, a private clinic.

“The acute trigger may be the final straw, but it lands on ground that is already fragile. Suicide is rarely the result of a single cause.”

Dr Ng said it is important to remember that what one child finds stressful, another may not, so adults should not be too quick to judge or dismiss a child’s concerns.

Sometimes, children also hide their emotions from their parents, either because they do not want to cause worry or fear being reprimanded.

“This is why prevention also lies in the broader circle of friends, peers and teachers. Schools and families play a vital role in recognising signs of distress, whether repeated crying, withdrawal or sudden changes in behaviour, and responding with empathy rather than discipline alone,” Dr Ng said.

Open communication between teachers and parents is also crucial. 

“For all of us, reinforcing the message to young people that it is safe to reach out for help when they feel overwhelmed can make the difference between life and death,” Dr Ng said. 

“Ultimately, whether a suicide is impulsive or not, what matters most is that children and youth feel heard, understood and supported. Every expression of distress is a call for help that deserves to be taken seriously.”

Yong Le died on July 29, 2024.

A pic of Yong Le taken in 2015, when he was three. PHOTO: COURTESY OF THE GOH FAMILY

In May, Yong Le’s parents found some form of closure when the coroner released his findings.

His report said that the boy was in a state of emotional distress and made the decision to end his life shortly after school.

Yong Le’s father said he is advocating better care in schools and the community to prevent similar incidents.

There has been some change. For instance, Yong Le’s school now holds questioning, or what it terms as fact-finding sessions, outside of the conference room, in non-intimidating spaces, he said.

Still, safety records could be made a key performance indicator for educators and schools, to encourage them to always prioritise keeping children safe, Yong Le’s father said.

When incidents occur in school, parents should be notified in detail and promptly, he added.

Yong Le’s father said he would agree to the interview with The Straits Times, so long as the story did not ascribe blame to the teachers, school or anyone in particular.

He hopes that his son’s story can help raise awareness of the need for the community to watch out for highly sensitive children.

“I can’t bring back my kid, but, at least, I can help to save other kids.”

If you or a young person you know is in crisis, please seek immediate help.

More On This Topic

Podcast: With all the talk about mental health, should we be in therapy?

Many of those who died by suicide showed warning signs like mood changes in week before death: IMH

Joyce Teo is senior health correspondent at The Straits Times and the host of ST podcast series Health Check.

how to help our teenager children

SINGAPORE – Exam periods can be a challenging time for relationships between parents and their teenage children. While you might have been actively involved in their PSLE preparation, your teens now prefer to manage their revision and desire their own space.

Yet, it is only natural that you worry about their preparedness, especially for important year-end papers and national exams like the N, O and A levels. Are they studying enough?

“Many parents may not realise when their care and concern can tip into overbearing behaviour,” says family life educator Selene Yap from non-profit organisation Lakeside Family Services in Jurong West.

Teens can feel suffocated by excessive monitoring of their studies, micromanaging of their schedules, nagging and unsolicited advice. Instead of constant reminders, what they need is acknowledgement from their parents that they are, in fact, studying.

Ayden Ang, 19, a diploma graduate from NUS High School of Math and Science recounts: “Sometimes, my parents assumed I wasn’t studying or revising when they saw me on the phone in my room. I wished they had more trust in me and my study schedule.”

Despite this, he appreciates his parents’ efforts, such as ensuring that he arrived at school on time for exams and cooking his favourite food of ramen. He and his 21-year-old brother Ashton are now doing national service.

His 15-year-old sister, Alethea, is also thankful for her parents’ support, like when they bought comfort food such as french fries and croissants, and stayed up late with her during study sessions.

But she would have liked a heads-up about outings, especially around exams.

“While I appreciate their effort to help me relax, I wish they had informed me about their plans a day earlier,” she says. “I had already worked out my study schedule for that day. Now I have to spend extra effort to change it to accommodate our outing.”

The siblings’ responses to The Straits Times are a revelation to their father Kelvin Ang, who is behind the longstanding Cheekiemonkies parenting and lifestyle blog and social media account. The 49-year-old financial planner realises that what parents consider “best” may not always be the case in their children’s eyes.

He cites examples such as urging them to quickly wrap up their revision, encouraging earlier bedtimes or suggesting meal outings – which were done with the best of intentions.

“Sometimes, they don’t see it as such. It’s not because they don’t appreciate us. It’s just a normal part of growing up where they start to be more independent and set boundaries. Some parents mistake this stage for rebellious behaviour.”

Mr Kelvin Ang (second from right), with his children (from left) Alethea, Ayden and Ashton. PHOTO: COURTESY OF KELVIN ANG

He believes parents should take a step back and empower their children to discover their own path and manage their time independently.

He adds: “We can offer support from the sidelines, but whatever we do, it shouldn’t come across as barking out an order.”

How can I help you?

Indeed, parents should be partners to their teens, showing interest in what they are going through instead of dictating or making assumptions, advises Miss Germain Kang, a science teacher and upper secondary year head at Fuhua Secondary School.

She is among eight educators who received the President’s Award for Teachers on Sept 4 for their outstanding work.

Miss Kang emphasises that while parental involvement is crucial, it is important not to burden teens with excessive expectations.

Miss Germain Kang (centre), upper secondary year head at Fuhua Secondary School, with Secondary 4 students (from left) Muhammad Hilmi Muhammad Rizal, Singh Ipshita Pramod, Charlene Tiu and Wong Kai Yu. ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO

And, instead of dwelling on what they are not doing, acknowledge their positive actions. For instance, let them know: “I noticed you’ve been revising more often this week and I’m proud of you.”

Children are motivated when their effort is recognised over just their results. Praise them when they show perseverance, follow a self-planned study schedule or try different methods to tackle difficult subjects.

For teens who appear disengaged from studying, address it with empathy. For example: “I know sometimes it can be hard to focus. What would help you feel ready to tackle your revision now?”

Encourage them to reflect on their experiences to plan their exam revision, fostering a sense of autonomy and motivation. Try asking: “Would you like to tackle history first, or do you prefer to start with your favourite subject?”

When appropriate, provide constructive advice that leads to concrete actions. Instead of saying, “You need to try harder,” you can suggest: “How about we aim for 25 minutes of focused revision, then have a snack break?”

Also, refrain from using language that suggests comparison. For example, do not ask about their friends’ revision progress or the number of practice papers that others have completed.

More On This Topic

Minor Issues: I failed science, but my parents didn’t let me feel like a failure

No stress: How to beat exam anxiety

What is on your mind?

If teenagers are reluctant to open up, how can you provide support during exam periods without being intrusive?

Miss Kang suggests that you respect your children’s readiness to receive help by using phrases such as, “Would it be helpful if I…” or “I am here if you need anything”.

The key is to be consistently available and supportive, while allowing them control over their preferred level of engagement.

Strengthen your bond by connecting during everyday activities, such as walking to the bus stop together. Use this time to discuss your day and invite your teens to share theirs.

Strive to understand and respect their communication style, and observe when and how they are most receptive.

However, showing care for teenagers during exam periods extends beyond simply asking about their revision progress. Non-verbal ways, Miss Kang says, can be equally impactful.

You can make sure they have enough stationery, that the home environment remains conducive while they study, and that their comfort foods are available.

Ms Yap from Lakeside Family Services adds that thoughtful gestures such as a text message, a handwritten note, a warm smile or a gentle pat on the back can also help.

“I like sending my children funny WhatsApp stickers or light-hearted videos to add a dose of humour during stressful moments,” shares the mum of three children, aged between 25 and 31.

Miss Kang adds that you should pay attention to distress signals such as changes in your teens’ sleeping habits, appetite or mood.

“Addressing these issues can sometimes be more effective than having conversations about exam revision,” she says.

Acknowledging your teens’ exam stress

Fuhua Secondary School’s Miss Germain Kang (centre) suggests that parents show empathy to their children. ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO

Many parents are familiar with the saying: “Exam results do not define our children’s worth.” But some feel that expressing this to their teens can conflict with their attempts to encourage them to study hard and persevere.

Miss Kang says you should assure your children that your love for them is unconditional – and this is also regardless of their exam scores.

Beyond the results, you want to inculcate and affirm values such as resilience, hard work, discipline and effort. These qualities will better equip them to navigate future challenges and even failures as independent adults.

“Poor exam results will not define them if they learn from their mistakes and understand how they can do better,” says Miss Kang. She adds that parents can help identify areas where their kids have shown improvement and focus on their growth.

And you can still help your children see that exam results do matter for their goals, such as getting into their dream schools. It is useful to chat about the different paths they can take for their education.

Ultimately, you should empathise with your children and acknowledge that exams are tough, says Ms Yap. It is common for teens to feel overwhelmed, expressing sentiments such as “I can’t finish my revision” or “I’m going to fail”.

Instead of immediately dismissing or correcting these feelings, show that you get what they are struggling with and make sure they feel listened to. Then, gently steer them towards more positive and realistic outlooks, like “I’ll do my best” or “I can tackle this step by step”.

Ms Yap shares: “My three young adult children have gone through the rigours of the O- and A-level exams, a journey that often feels like a marathon. It demands not just academic effort, but also endurance and resilience.”

You can be your children’s cheerleader, offering steady support and encouragement every step of the way.

Ayden, who did the six-year Integrated Programme at NUS High School, offers this advice for teens.

“Focus on your own journey and don’t compare yourself with others. I know this is easier said than done, but worrying about how you measure up to others only creates unnecessary stress and anxiety,” he says.

“As long as you stay determined and have faith in yourself, you can improve and achieve results that you can be proud of.”

Ms Yap also shares some dos and don’ts as you support your teens through their exams.

More On This Topic

We are not swayed by ads, say parents who get tuition for their kids

A post-exam break will help you ace that vital parent-child connection

Don’ts

Nag or criticise: Avoid making comparisons or using negative labels and harsh language. Comments like “You should study harder” or “You’re so lazy” can erode their confidence and motivation. Instead, choose words that are constructive and supportive.

Transfer your anxiety: Children are highly attuned to their parents’ emotions. If you appear overly anxious, they are likely to feel it too. If you can show them how to handle stress calmly, it will help them manage their own feelings better.

Dos

Trust and encourage: Have faith in your teens’ ability to discover effective study methods. Offer phrases like, “I believe in you. I see you persevering. Keep up your wonderful efforts.” Ms Yap shares that her children used to study at Starbucks or with their friends online. “It did not make sense to me at first, but it helped them feel less stressed, added joy to their studying, and gave them positive peer motivation,” she says.

Celebrate progress: Even small gestures can make a significant impact. Mark milestones with special treats or their favourite food. These moments bring joy and reinforce that their hard work is noticed and appreciated.

Chatting with your kids after exams

After an exam, and with more papers possibly on the horizon, it is crucial for parents to communicate effectively with their children to prevent unnecessary stress and misunderstandings.

Miss Germain Kang, year head for upper secondary at Fuhua Secondary School, offers the following advice:

Teens can feel suffocated by excessive monitoring of their studies, micromanaging of their schedules, nagging and unsolicited advice. ST PHOTO: KUA CHEE SIONG

What parents should avoid

Immediate post-mortems: Children often feel emotionally vulnerable after an exam, replaying mistakes in their minds. Questions about their performance, such as “Which questions were difficult?” or “Did you finish all the questions?” can heighten their anxiety and may affect their confidence for the remaining papers. What your kids need is support for what is coming up. Save reflections and deeper talks for later.

Asking for grade predictions: Questions such as “Do you think you will score an A?” creates unnecessary stress and expectations.

Comparisons: Comparing with peers (”How did your friends find it?”) or past assessments (”Was it easier than the practice papers?”) adds pressure to your children.

False reassurance: Phrases like “I’m sure you did fine” can actually be unhelpful when your children genuinely struggled. It may also make them feel pressured to meet your hopeful expectations.

What parents should do

Affirm effort and strengths: Cheer your kids on for their hard work. You can say: “You’ve put in good work preparing for that paper”, “One paper down, you’re making progress” or “Well done for getting through that one.”

Keep check-ins simple and present-focused: Ask about their emotional state, not their performance. “How are you feeling right now?” is a good example.

Offer immediate support: Focus on practical needs. “Are you hungry? Shall we have lunch?” or “Do you want to rest before thinking about the next paper?” or “What would be most helpful now – some downtime or getting straight into preparing for tomorrow’s paper?”

More On This Topic

Teen social anxiety: Crochet, calming exercises and trusted adults can help

S’pore study shows girls a lot more anxious than boys about being judged negatively

Elisa Chia is a correspondent at The Straits Times, writing parenting and lifestyle features.

friends at 50

My friends and I just sent a “love letter” to our physics tutor in junior college, more than 30 years late. 

Our school doesn’t even exist any more after a 2019 merger, but when we recently learnt he was still teaching at the merged school, well into his 70s, we decided to pay tribute to his dedication to teaching.

It’s funny how we never realised he was a favourite among us, until now. After scribbling down personal messages for him in a cafe where we last gathered in August, we the class of 92S4 whipped out a gigantic cake and celebrated our 50th birthday milestone together.

We sang the birthday song not just once, but three times. Celebrations are always more fun in the presence of so many “partners in crime”.

In today’s digital age, birthday greetings are often delivered through text messages and voice notes. Tech advancements may have made communication easier, but nothing can beat the joy and laughter from interacting face to face with old friends as we revel in shared memories of the past and enjoy new experiences together.

This year being the half-century mark of my existence on earth, I made it a point to celebrate in person with two groups of classmates – primary school and junior college – simply because we are all the same age.

Primary school was a long time ago and a few of us went to the same secondary school where lifelong friendship bonds are typically formed and developed separately. What binds us together is our common background of being kampung kids made good, and it’s heartening to see how far we have come in our respective careers. Our school does not exist any more, but memories live on in the people we attended it with.

Two years of JC flew by quickly, most of it spent mugging for the A levels, but somehow we still created enough fond memories to last a lifetime. We may not be one another’s closest friends, but we still find value and joy in occasional meetups and asking: “How have you been?”

What’s amazing is how we can look beyond the wrinkles, receding hairlines and extra kilos piled on, and recognise the teenagers we were when we first met. We have all aged with time, but we can still pick up strands of conversation as if it were yesterday, and it does not feel awkward at all.

As teenagers, we used to rave about music and movies and complain about difficult maths problems. Now at 50, we find comfort in knowing we are not alone in facing issues such as knee pain, stress from working with Gen Zs, and parenting wayward children. 

Showing off? No

I know what you’re thinking. Many people shun class gatherings for two reasons. First, the fear of getting judged on your life achievements (or lack of), and second, worries of someone trying to sell you insurance. And is there any point in catching up with people whom you have not met in such a long time?

A social media post I saw asked: Would you attend your class gathering if all your secondary friends are high-fliers in their careers and live in landed property or condominiums, but you are a private-hire vehicle driver living in a two-room Build-To-Order flat for singles?

Some people replied “why not?”, others said they would not attend if they had nothing in common and the purpose was to show off.

I also remember the visible stress on my Korean husband’s face whenever he has to attend a class gathering in Seoul, where we lived for eight years until 2023. The Koreans often make this an exercise in trying to outflaunt and outdrink one another.

But I am happy to report that bragging and flaunting is the last thing we do when the willing members of 92S4 gather. There is also no stress involved, just a lot of laughter.

It’s not that we don’t have anything to flex – among us is an architect, a crisis management pro, a software consultant, and an aviation specialist. There are frequent fliers among us too. Two are living in Australia, one in China, another two recently relocated home – one from South Korea (me), one from Finland. 

But no one boasts. There is a complete lack of pretence at these gatherings. We let down our guard and open our hearts. We can have honest conversations even on difficult topics such as the war atrocities in Gaza and how different countries integrate foreigners. We ask questions, we argue, and we walk away with no hard feelings. Perhaps it’s good for one’s mental well-being to speak freely and listen with an open mind.

More On This Topic

How to travel together and still stay friends

Why can’t we be friends: Does having a baby ruin relationships with childless people?

Magic of nostalgia

There is also a certain pleasure in revelling in the memories of yesteryear, when life was simpler.

Call it the magic of nostalgia – gathering with old friends brings us back to the carefree days when we were 17 years old, and evokes warm, fuzzy feelings. We studied hard, but we played hard too – dinner at Lau Pa Sat after school, hanging out at classmates’ homes, and swimming on weekends.

A group photo of class 92S4 taken in the campus of the junior college that is no longer in use today. The writer is seated in the front row, third from right. ST PHOTO: CHANG MAY CHOON

We had some cool kids in our batch. Both prom king and queen were from our class, and we had talented football players who also goofed around posing for the camera.

It was not easy to keep in touch after graduation. It was only in 2023, upon my return from Seoul, that we started to gather at least once a year.

“Eh, I haven’t seen you in 30 years!” was a common refrain the first time we gathered. Now, we have people saying we should gather more often. 

The timing is good too. Any earlier, those of us with young children may not be able to slip out without the spouse’s “permission”.

For our last gathering in August, which was a last-minute decision, our aviation specialist said: “Let me apply for my exit permit, it usually needs three business days, but I will seek exemption because we are 50!” 

Twenty minutes later, his wife gave her blessing as she felt it was, as he put it: “good for my mental health”.

He explained in person later that he does not have many friends outside of work, so his wife felt it would be good for him to join us to de-stress.

Our gatherings are in some ways a healing session. We get sucked into a time warp where nothing else matters, other than the company, the food and a lot of nostalgia. And we feel like teenagers again, reminiscing about the silly things we did in our youth, such as jumping into a quarry on Pulau Ubin that “hurt like hell”.

More On This Topic

Why don’t we hang out anymore? The case for spending time together doing nothing with friends

Is it time to normalise friends ghosting friends?

Days and years can fly by quickly in working life. Such gatherings remind you not to lose yourself and to cherish people who accept you as you are, and to thank those you never did.

If we can find our other teachers, maybe we should write them cards too. I didn’t get to see our physics teacher when I delivered the card to the school, but he did send me a text message after that. 

“Such a nice card from your class,” he said. “Thank you for all those kind words. Take care.”

Chang May Choon is assistant foreign editor at The Straits Times. She is in charge of the foreign desk’s multimedia coverage and has a special interest in South Korea.

SINGAPORE - A real estate agent was so astute in speculating in properties that he bought and sold five homes for himself and made over $2.3 million when he was just over 40 years old.

Just before he got married, he was so flush with money that he bought a resale HDB flat and paid the $668,000 purchase price in cash.

The flat eventually became his matrimonial home and he later added a $3.2 million condominium unit to his portfolio.

Although he was self-employed, he was diligent in planning for his retirement by contributing to his CPF savings, which has a balance of over $620,000 as he hits 55 in 2025.

In addition to a healthy retirement sum, he has also amassed another $1.5 million in cash and stocks. With such decent savings, he could afford an expensive car, but he chose to drive a nondescript Japanese car worth $75,000.

As he was so prudent and careful in saving and investing his money all his life, it was not surprising that he fought tooth and nail with his 41-year-old former wife, maintaining that the bulk of his wealth was accumulated before their 12-year marriage.

Although he works only part-time now and has a monthly income of $3,000 from renting out his HDB flat, he had been the main provider for his household and three young children. His former wife draws a monthly salary of $7,700 as a clerk.

As he owned the family’s properties and paid for most of the household expenses, the High Court allowed him to retain 70 per cent of the couple’s $5.5 million matrimonial assets. This was in addition to about $1 million in cash and CPF savings which he can keep, as he had saved this sum before the marriage.

This case provides interesting insight into what constitutes premarital assets and how good financial planning can make a difference in how your assets will be divided when the relationship turns sour.

The matrimonial home

Just months before he tied the knot, the real estate agent bought the resale HDB flat and registered it under his sole name as a single owner, as he was over 40 years old then.

After their marriage, the couple lived there for more than eight years and all three of their children spent their childhood years in that home.

As the flat, which is worth $900,000 now, was bought and paid for entirely before the marriage, the man argued that it should be kept out of the matrimonial pool, as it was a premarital asset.

But High Court Judge Choo Han Teck disagreed and said: “This flat cannot be described in any way other than as a matrimonial asset.”

In some past cases, the courts had chosen to divide such assets in an equitable manner, such as by assigning a smaller value for cases involving properties that were used as matrimonial homes for a short duration lasting only about a year.

Justice Choo noted that in this case, the flat had been used as the family’s matrimonial home for a much longer period, and there was no reason to treat it differently. So its entire value was included in the pool for sharing.

The risk of holding properties separately

To avoid paying the additional buyer’s stamp duty (ABSD) for his condominium unit, the man paid for the property but allowed his then wife to hold it in her name.

In all, he had paid almost $2 million for the property.

As the unit was held in the wife’s name, it would be practically impossible to argue that it would not constitute a matrimonial asset.

If he had chosen to buy the property with funds he had saved before the marriage and then held it in his own name, he might have stood a chance of convincing the court that the property belonged to him solely.

But doing so would have meant having to pay the ABSD, as he already owned the HDB flat.

What this means is that home buyers should not just look at not paying taxes as the primary goal when investing in properties, because letting someone else hold their assets could lead to unexpected consequences that could cost them a lot more.

More On This Topic

Woman fails to make rich ex-husband pay over $30k monthly in child support

The pitfalls of buying properties for your kids

Premarital funds

If a couple had got married soon after they started working, the bulk of the savings in their CPF and bank accounts would be considered in any matrimonial split in a divorce.

In such cases, they could ask for some funds to be excluded if they can show that the money in certain accounts was given by their parents and these accounts had been kept separately from other matrimonial assets.

In this case, the man was already very cash-rich before he got married and he wanted his premarital funds to be excluded from sharing.

For instance, the balance in his CPF account during the divorce was about $624,000 while the balance at the time of the marriage 12 years earlier was about $253,000.

This meant the $253,000 should not be considered as matrimonial assets, and the court included only the amount of $371,000, which was saved during the marriage, for sharing.

As for his cash savings, the man had kept the bulk of the money that he earned before the marriage in a joint account with his then wife.

During the divorce, the account had $937,000, which was claimed by his former wife. But he was the one who managed the money and had used it to generate interest income, which was not directly used for the family expenses.

Justice Choo found that the man did not refer to the money as the family’s wealth and there was no evidence he had treated the fund as matrimonial assets.

“I thus accept that a significant portion of the $937,000 is likely to have originated from the husband’s premarital funds,” the judge said.

Since it was not possible to determine how much money the man had before the marriage, Justice Choo allowed him to retain 80 per cent of the balance, or $749,600, and put the remainder, $187,400, into the matrimonial pool for sharing.

Excluding the man’s premarital funds and CPF savings, the court found that the couple had more than $5.5 million in assets to be divided between them.

As the bulk of these assets came from the man, the court found that 91 per cent of the direct financial contribution came from him while his former wife contributed only 9 per cent.

As for indirect contribution, the court rated both parties as equal because the man, who worked part-time, also helped to take care of their three children in addition to footing most of the household bills.

More On This Topic

When a S’pore couple’s two-home dream turns into nightmare

Decoupling to save on tax? You may lose right to property if ties go awry

The overall ratio was therefore about 70 to 30 in the man’s favour.

This meant that he would get $3.85 million from the matrimonial pool, with his former wife getting $1.65 million.

He wanted her to transfer their condominium unit back to him, as her entitlement was just about half its value.

Justice Choo left it to the couple to decide who should get what based on their shares, noting that they have the option to apply to the court again if they could not agree.

The lesson here: Main breadwinners of families need not worry about being short-changed if they are diligent and prudent in managing their assets.

Check out Invest editor Tan Ooi Boon’s new book – Retire With More Money – at stbooks.sg

More On This Topic

5 mistakes that can lengthen the road to retirement

Invest microsite: Get more investment and career tips

Tan Ooi Boon writes for and oversees the Invest section of The Straits Times.

no more monej

A woman tried to make her wealthy former husband pay a lot more for their two young sons by applying to increase monthly child support from $4,000 to more than $30,000.

But her application was shot down by the High Court, which found no basis as to why two children, aged 10 and 12, would need to incur expenses averaging $15,000 each every month.

High Court Judge Choo Han Teck said: “When wealthy parents wish to spoil their children with expensive toys and feed them Michelin-starred meals, they can do that of their own accord.”

Normally, when there is a dispute, the courts will determine what maintenance is reasonable and adequate for the children’s needs, not what the parents want to have or what the children would like to have.

The couple, who are in their 40s, were married for only about three years when they divorced in 2015. Their current job statuses were not disclosed – the husband used to be a managing director in an energy company while the wife worked as a lawyer.

When he was a young man, the husband had already inherited substantial assets from his father. When his mother died in 2014, he and his sister became beneficiaries of a trust that held cash and properties, which were then valued at more than $50 million.

The trust was unusual because their late mother stated that they could sell the real estate only after the 25th anniversary of her death in 2039. Until then, they were each permitted to withdraw only a sum not exceeding $10,000 per month from the estate.

Not surprisingly, to support her case to increase payments for her children, the former wife produced documents to show that their father had the means to pay what she was asking for.

But Justice Choo noted that the father’s wealth was immaterial to the application to increase the child support, which usually depends on what the children need and not what their parents have.

In assessing the needs of a child, the court is usually mindful if the supporting parent earns a low income. “But it does not follow, however, that maintenance should increase in proportion to the capacity of a parent to pay, with no limit to the increment,” Justice Choo added.

He noted that the amounts claimed – $16,800 and $15,000 a month for two primary school children – were unjustifiable.

For instance, their mother wanted to claim $3,200 just for the children’s meals. But Justice Choo found the amount to be excessive because even if a child spends $20 on food daily, the monthly amount would just be $600.

Although the older child has a sensitive mental condition due to autism, the judge did not buy the mother’s claim that the boy had to dine at expensive, quiet restaurants.

As Justice Choo found most of the other undisclosed expenses were also excessive, he ruled that the monthly child support for both children should remain at $2,000 each.

But he made an exception for the one-off expense that was incurred for the boy with special needs because the mother paid $2,200 a month to hire a “shadow support” to help her son prepare for the Primary School Leaving Examination.

More On This Topic

Is Netflix fee a ‘luxury’ when it comes to child support?

Bought too many homes: Cash-strapped dad sold his kids’ $2.4m trust properties

A child psychologist had recommended the child to be enrolled in a class with fewer students, but the mother had opted for additional help instead to avoid changing her son’s school during the PSLE year.

Justice Choo allowed this claim, as the cost was incurred for the welfare of the child in view of the national examination, but he noted that the shadow support should not be a permanent and recurring expense.

As $26,400 was incurred in hiring the shadow support for a year, the judge ordered the father to pay for his half share, or $13,200.

What this means is that the courts will always consider the welfare of children embroiled in divorces and would always ensure they are well taken care of without incurring unnecessary expenses that would overburden their parents.

More On This Topic

The peril of losing a million-dollar inheritance within a year

The pitfalls of buying properties for your kids

no more money

Last summer, after years of bouncing from rental to rental, Ms Brianna Racoosin bought her dream home, a sunny two-bedroom condominium in Brooklyn. To cover the US$1.1 million (S$1.4 million) price tag, Ms Racoosin, an art teacher at a public high school, didn’t take out a mortgage; she paid in cash, thanks to a trust set up by her parents.

“I never thought that I would use the money to buy until I had a partner or a family,” she said. “But then I was like, what’s the point of waiting?”

While generational wealth may be a subject of contempt, and envy, Ms Racoosin, 30, is far from alone when it comes to relying on family money to get a leg-up in the housing market.

About one in five Gen Z and millennial home buyers in the US relied on gifts from family to help with down payments, according to a study released by Redfin.

Ms Danielle Nazinitsky, an agent with Decode Real Estate who worked with Ms Racoosin: “A lot of people don’t want to talk about gifting, even though everyone has help.”

In a historically tight housing market, parental support can help put home ownership within reach. Still, there’s a lot to consider before you turn to the bank of mum and dad. Here’s what you need to know.

Why are home buyers turning to their parents?

A perfect storm of factors is making it especially difficult for prospective home owners in the millennial and Gen Z age groups to buy using entirely their own means.

“It’s the trifecta of high rates, high prices and rising insurance costs, which just makes it really hard for somebody when they’re starting out,” said Mr Bill Banfield, chief business officer of Rocket. “And this is all exacerbated by lower inventory levels.”

Ms Glennda Baker, a real estate broker, wrote in an e-mail that there was “fierce competition” for first-time buyers in her area and in other markets.

“More than 30 per cent of our first-time homes are being gobbled up by private equity and hedge fund buyers,” she said.

Even if someone has squirrelled away enough money for a down payment without help, the average home buyer would still struggle to afford the mortgage payments.

A median-income American family would need a US$17,000 salary increase to afford an average home, according to a Zillow study released this summer.

How can parents help?

There are a handful of ways parents can help their children buy a home, each with its own set of considerations.

The most common, and the most straightforward, is a cash gift, whether that’s by chipping in towards a down payment or funding the entire purchase.

There are a few drawbacks to cash gifts, said Ms Deanna Cascella, a wealth and estate planning strategist at Morgan Stanley, including a lack of financial protection: No one is stopping your child from, say, embarking on a spending spree instead of purchasing a home.

“But the pro is that it’s really simple and you’re done,” she said.

More On This Topic

The pitfalls of buying properties for your kids

Help your adult child financially without having to be an ATM

If you’re looking for more guard rails, a less common option is a gift in trust. In this situation, the trust is the owner of the property, not the child.

While a more complicated option, it’s a strategic one as far as estate planning is concerned.

Some parents may opt to co-sign a mortgage with their children to increase their approval odds. But that also has risks.

“Both the parent and the child are responsible and obligated to the loan,” Rocket’s Mr Banfield said. “If something goes wrong, it affects both people’s credit.”

Parents can also choose to loan their children money, which could have better terms than a mortgage rate. For this option, a lawyer is necessary.

“It’s pretty simple to administer, but it does introduce a formality and makes sure that the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed,” Ms Cascella said.

How do you start the conversation?

If a future home buyer is thinking of approaching their parents for help – or conversely, a parent is thinking of helping their child – it’s best to talk candidly and early.

“There are a lot of personal considerations that parents and kids need to talk about, and need to talk about openly, before they make these arrangements, because the home purchase can affect people right now and then long into the future,” Ms Cascella said.

Before broaching the conversation, do your research.

“There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. But you want to do it in the appropriate way,” said Mr Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert who hosts the Money For Couples podcast. “You always want to explain why you are asking – and then, of course, you want to give them an out.”

Parents, too, need to decide if lending a helping hand makes sense for them.

“As you age, there are a lot of unexpected expenses that might come up, so ensuring that your financial support isn’t going to inhibit your long-term financial health is really important,” said Ms Amanda Shur, a housing trends expert at StreetEasy. “It’s really important that parents speak with a financial adviser to make sure that they’re gifting the money in the most prudent way.”

More On This Topic

Bought too many homes: Cash-strapped dad sold his kids’ $2.4m trust properties

How parents can prevent disputes over their properties

Also, consider your relationship with your parents and the level of involvement you’re comfortable with. Would they hold the contributions over your head? Would they expect to be present at every house tour or have the final say over the purchase?

“Emotionally, I always advise setting boundaries up front – who’s in charge of the decisions, how communication will work and whether this is a gift or a loan,” said Ms Baker, the real estate broker.

Mr Matt Laricy, an agent in Chicago, has seen family dynamics go awry. “Sometimes it’s like watching the Kardashians,” he said. “Like, you don’t want to see it, but it’s kind of fun being in the middle of it.”

Who needs to know?

If you’re accepting a gift from your parents, a few parties need to be in the loop.

It’s always a good idea to keep your real estate agent informed. If a cash gift goes towards your down payment, you’ll likely need to document it with your lender in the form of a letter. This assures your lender that the money is a gift, not a loan.

Make sure the money is given in a single transaction and that it lands in your account early. After 60 days, the funds are considered “seasoned”, which helps confirm to the lender that the funds are truly yours, according to Rocket Mortgage.

Who you tell beyond the necessary parties is subjective. It’s wise, for instance, to be transparent with siblings to avoid conflict. If you’re married, it’s important to keep your spouse in the loop, whether you’re receiving the gift or the one doing the gifting.

When it comes to friends and peers, though, sharing that your parents helped you buy your house might be a murkier decision. For Ms Racoosin, who relied on a trust fund to purchase her house, it was complicated.

“It is something that I felt guilty about,” she said. “There’s so many people who are working really hard who aren’t able to do this. And so, like, who am I to say that I own this place?”

Those feelings, Money For Couples’ Mr Sethi said, reveal the love-hate relationship Americans have with family money.

“It’s one of the most taboo topics in personal finance,” he said, “yet, so many people orient their entire financial lives to give wealth to the next generation.”

Before diving into home ownership, Mr Sethi said, it’s important to get real with your finances and refrain from judgment – whether your parents are giving you a boost or not. NYTIMES

More On This Topic

Designing your first home? It pays to make room for lasting materials and kids in the future

Invest microsite: Get more investment and career tips