life

Life doesn’t always go as planned. There will be moments when the weight of pain, failure, or uncertainty feels too much to carry. But it is in these moments that perspective becomes your greatest strength.

Here are 7 truths to hold close when things go wrong:

1️⃣ Pain and failures are both normal parts of life.

They don’t mean the end of your story. They are chapters that teach, shape, and prepare you for what’s next.

2️⃣ Like everything else, this too shall pass.

Nothing lasts forever — neither the good nor the bad. Time has its own way of healing.

3️⃣ Worrying and overthinking won’t change the outcome.

It only drains your energy. Redirect that energy toward what can be done.

4️⃣ Your scars are proof of survival, not weakness.

They tell a story of battles fought and strength earned. Wear them with pride.

5️⃣ Every struggle matters. Nothing is wasted.

Even setbacks push you forward in ways you may not yet see. Keep moving.

6️⃣ Don’t absorb other people’s negativity.

Their darkness is not your responsibility. Protect your peace.

7️⃣ What’s meant to be, will be.

Trust the process. Sometimes rejection, loss, or delay is just redirection toward something better.

✨ Life will test you, but it will also teach you. Hold on, keep faith, and remind yourself: storms don’t last forever — but the strength you gain from them does.

#fblifestyle

family Korean

SEOUL - South Korea is undergoing a profound shift in family life.

In the past, it was more common for men to go to work while women stayed home taking care of the children. Now, dual-income households form the majority among families with children.

According to the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family’s Statistics on the Lives of Men and Women 2025, released on Sept 2 to mark the 30th Gender Equality Week, 58.5 per cent of married households with children under 18 had both parents working in 2024. This represents an 11.3 percentage point increase from 2015.

Among households with children aged six or younger, the proportion of dual-income families rose even more dramatically, climbing 15.1 points to 53.2 per cent.

Marking the highest level since records began, this reflects not only the financial pressures of child-rearing but also a generational shift in gender roles and workplace participation.

A key factor underpinning this trend is the growing number of women in employment. The employment rate for women aged 15 to 64 reached 62.1 per cent in 2024, up 6.4 percentage points from 2015. During the same period, the rate climbed 0.9 percentage points for men, with 73.5 per cent of them in the workforce.

Among women in their early 30s – the age when career breaks for childbirth were most common – the employment rate soared to 73.5 per cent, an increase of nearly 14 percentage points. The proportion of married women classified as “career-interrupted” fell to 15.9 per cent, down from 21.7 per cent in 2015.

At the same time, more men are stepping into caregiving roles. In 2024, 42,000 men received parental leave benefits, the first time the figure has surpassed 40,000.

Men now account for nearly one-third of all parental leave recipients, compared with just 5.6 per cent a decade ago. The number of men taking shortened working hours for childcare has also jumped almost twentyfold over the past 10 years.

Economic, social pressures converge

Officials note that the rise in dual-income families comes despite the shrinking number of households with children.

In 2024, there were 3.94 million married households with children under 18, down 158,000 from the previous year.

But the number of dual-income households among them decreased by just 22,000, suggesting that as the total pool of families with children shrinks, a higher proportion of them are dual-income.

Demographers point to two intertwined forces at play: the economic strain of raising children in a high-cost society and the rapid decline in the number of children born.

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These factors have driven couples, particularly those in their 30s and 40s, to rely on two incomes. In 2024, dual-income rates were highest among couples in their 30s (61.5 per cent), followed by those in their 40s (59.2 per cent).

The data also points to steady, though gradual, progress in women’s representation at leadership levels.

Women accounted for 26.3 per cent of senior civil servants at grade four or higher in 2024, up 14.2 percentage points from 2015.

Among local government officials at grade five or higher, the figure reached 34.6 per cent, nearly triple the 11.6 per cent recorded a decade earlier.

Across all sectors, women made up 22.5 per cent of managers, with the proportion in public institutions climbing to 25.4 per cent, up nearly 10 percentage points in ten years.

Meanwhile, single-person households continued to grow rapidly, totaling 8.05 million in 2024, or 36.1 per cent of all households, a 1.5-fold increase from 2015.

Men in their 30s (21.8 per cent) and women in their 60s (18.7 per cent) accounted for the largest shares of one-person households, by gender.

The Ministry of Gender Equality and Family said the statistics underscore shifting social dynamics that demand responsive policies.

“We will continue to closely examine social changes in areas such as family structure, career interruption, work-life balance and representation, and promote policies that bring meaningful improvements to people’s lives,” the ministry said. THE KOREA HERALD/ASIA NEWS NETWORK

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resting

SEOUL – Ms Park Min-jin (not her real name), 26, never knew a life without pressure.

From elementary to high school, she studied relentlessly to enter a top university. Once there, the intensity did not let up.

She maintained a grade point average of 4.26 out of 4.5, joined academic societies, earned certificates, studied foreign languages and took part in exchange programmes. She even prepared for law school for a year.

After graduating in February 2024, she interned at two public financial institutions. By July, she was in full-time job-hunting mode. She sent out 50 to 60 resumes to nearly every finance-related institution in South Korea that posted a hiring notice.

Recruitment in South Korea is a gruelling process – multiple pages of company-tailored essays, aptitude tests unique to each firm and several rounds of interviews. Each cycle can stretch to three to four months. She made it to the final stage of the hiring process at about 10 firms but was rejected each time.

In February 2025, burnout forced her to stop trying altogether. Since then, she has been out of work and has not sought employment, becoming part of South Korea’s growing “just resting” population that Statistics Korea tracks in its monthly survey.

Rise of ‘just resting’ youth

Every month, Statistics Korea’s survey asks economically inactive youth the question: “What did you do last week?”

The available responses include working, childcare, seeking jobs, attending school, serving in the military and treating illness.

Those who do not fall into any of these categories, meaning neither employed nor actively seeking work without a specific reason, are classified as having “just rested”.

Similar to the globally recognised concept of Neet (not in employment, education or training), this is a more localised category used to capture youth in a state of limbo.

In July, the number of South Koreans in their 20s who reported having “just rested” hit a record 421,000, up 58 per cent from a decade ago.

Those with a college degree or higher accounted for 38.3 per cent.

Ms Park admits that part of her situation is voluntary. Despite repeated setbacks, she is unwilling to settle for jobs at small or mid-sized companies.

“We aim for big companies because it’s the only reward for studying that hard for 12 years,” she said. “Large firms at least have decent benefits. Small and mid-sized ones have a toxic culture. Every day on Blind (a workplace app), people post horror stories. I don’t want to go there.”

If she cannot find a job in 2025, she plans to go abroad – maybe on a working holiday or to pursue nursing school.

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Others whom The Korea Herald spoke with expressed similar sentiments.

After years of studying and preparation under constant comparison with peers and high parental expectations, settling for just any available job feels like a defeat that goes far beyond repeated rejections.

At 32, Mr Lee Joo-ho recalls the months he spent in what official statistics label as “just resting”.

Mr Lee submitted more than 30 job applications to the nation’s top companies, all rejected before even reaching the interview stage. The exhaustion he felt was not just from those months of job-hunting, but also the culmination of years without pause, from grade school to university.

“I couldn’t lower my standards,” he said. “In Korea, the first college you enter becomes a permanent label, and the same goes for your first job. I desperately wanted to start in a good company.”

Here, the wage gap is stark between small and large firms: Workers at firms with fewer than 300 employees earn just 56.2 per cent of what those at larger companies make. The gaps in perks and benefits can be even wider.

A 2023 survey by the Korea Employment Information Service showed that 87.7 per cent of youth who “just rested” had previous work experience. The most common reason given for their break was “a lack of suitable jobs” (38.1 per cent).

‘I don’t know what I want to do’

The prevailing mantra for South Korean youth, reinforced by parents and adults, has long been that working hard as students would secure admission to a better college, which would lead to better jobs and overall life success. However, that path is no longer guaranteed.

Mr Lee had never once considered deviating from the set course. “I had never thought about what I actually wanted to do. I had never even had that kind of conversation with my friends.”

Mr Kim Jin-sol, now in his late 20s, agreed.

For him, life was a straight line of study – from kindergarten to elementary and middle school to high school. He always prepared for the next step, never asking himself what he wanted.

“My teacher said my grades could get me into an education or nursing major in college,” he recalled. “If I went to education, I would face the teacher certification exam later and repeat the same cycle of pressure. I couldn’t bear it again.”

He chose nursing at Pusan National University, not out of passion but because employment was all but guaranteed.

But working as a nurse broke him down. After just four months at Pusan National University Hospital, he quit, fearing for his mental health.

He later filled a temporary childcare leave position at a mental health centre for 13 months, and then decided to “rest” for a while.

“For once, I wanted to find out what I liked,” he said. During the break, he filmed wedding videos for friends, met professors about graduate studies in psychology, launched a YouTube channel with videos of his grandmother, and wrote essays online.

Yet as the months dragged on, anxiety crept in. He eventually took another hospital job.

“During the period I ‘rested’, I was not able to figure out what I wanted,” he said. “But I don’t regret it. I learnt how to live life on my own terms.”

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Another young South Korean, who publishes under the pen name “Moduda” on writing platform Brunch, has also found a direction towards what he wants to do, although his struggle continues.

He embraced the “just resting” tag after quitting his finance job in information technology in the spring of 2024.

A graduate in anthropology, he had drifted into jobs like sales in manufacturing and finance in tech, lacking true personal motivation or a sense of identity.

None of it felt like his own path.

“I never thought about the future. I just followed where everyone else went,” he said.

During his break, he began writing essays and serialising a web novel. To make ends meet, he worked part-time at a gym. He described his state as a mixture of fear and joy.

“It’s the first time in my life I can live without being bound to something. When readers leave comments on my novel, that makes me happy enough to outweigh the hard parts.”

Now, he is job-hunting again, but with a new direction: only in fields related to writing, while keeping his novel going.

A structural issue, rather than an individual flaw

Young people interviewed by The Korea Herald said their “rest” was not what people expect.

Mr Lee reflected: “Rest is supposed to recharge you, but I never once felt refreshed. ‘Rest’ made me exhausted.”

During that period, he spent his days idly scrolling on his smartphone and escaped to PC cafes at night to avoid meeting his parents. Whenever he heard his peers landing jobs at large firms, he could not help but feel bitter and see himself as a failure.

Ms Kim Eun-joo, 35, said: “There wasn’t a single day I stopped worrying about my future. But from society’s perspective, I am a person who just rests. I don’t want to rest. I want to work. But there is no job for me.”

She chose to “just rest” after repeatedly failing to find a new job following her career change from book editing to graphic design. She believes her age has become an obstacle to finding employment.

Experts say that young people choosing to pause is not a sign of laziness, but an attempt to protect themselves from burnout brought on by excessive academic demands, repeated failures in job-seeking and constant relative evaluation.

The pressure is not purely external, as many have internalised these expectations and refuse to lower their own standards, holding themselves to the same high bar that society sets for them.

“Korean youth live under relentless evaluation and comparison,” said Ms Kim Seon-hee, senior researcher at civic group Education for Spring, who has met more than 10,000 young people over 13 years.

“They are constantly ranked by test scores, the prestige of their universities and the reputation of the companies they join.”

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At schools, they are evaluated by their test scores. At college, schools are tiered from the elite “SKY (Seoul, Korea and Yonsei) universities” downward.

Entering the workforce, companies are also stratified.

Even tech firms are grouped under terms like “Nae-Ka-Ra-Ku-Bae-Dang-To”, she said, referring to a nickname formed from the first syllables of the Korean pronunciations of seven of the most sought-after employers: Naver, Kakao, Line, Coupang, Baemin, Danggeun Market and Toss.

“Growing up constantly compared to peers, (young people) may feel anxious about being left behind if they fail to secure a place within these hierarchies,” said Education for Spring’s Ms Kim.

“As job-hunting drags on, that sense of defeat deepens. The fear that each choice may not lead to a good outcome makes them hesitate, avoid decisions and slip into inertia,” she added.

In an October 2024 column, feminist scholar and writer Jeong Hee-jin urged people to view young people’s pauses amid extreme competition as “acts of self-protection”.

She described them as a survival strategy.

“Overall, the youth ‘rest’ phenomenon is not about individual choice or laziness, but a deeply rooted structural problem that must be addressed step by step,” Ms Kim said. “Simply labelling it as ‘just rest’ risks glossing over their struggles and failing to bring these young people to the surface.” THE KOREA HERALD/ ASIA NEWS NETWORK

teach

I refer to the letter “Job of teaching is getting tougher” (Sept 2). As a former Ministry of Education (MOE) teacher, I share the view that the profession has grown more challenging.

The demands of lesson preparation, marking and managing co-curricular responsibilities are now compounded by the rapid pace of technological change.

With artificial intelligence able to provide quick answers, students no longer rely on teachers purely for knowledge.

What matters more is how teachers engage them and make learning meaningful. In my experience, I have seen how simple tools such as using familiar objects in class or tapping into platforms like TikTok Live can capture attention and foster stronger connections with students.

These methods remind us that authenticity and human presence remain at the heart of effective teaching.

At the same time, teachers must also keep upgrading themselves to stay relevant.

The Government’s SkillsFuture programme provides valuable support, allowing educators to continually refresh their skills in line with the needs of today’s learners.

Teaching is indeed demanding, but with openness to new approaches and a commitment to lifelong learning, it can continue to be deeply rewarding.

Daniel Tay Xiong Sheng

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those who can teach

Teaching is a calling.

One does not join the profession to get rich. In Singapore, educators are better paid than their peers in many parts of the world, but the pay is still not much compared with what one may get in the private sector.

More often than not, someone becomes a teacher because he wants to touch lives and help change the world in a small way. Perhaps he had a good teacher when he was a student, and now wants to pay it forward.

Teaching in Singapore in the 21st century is not an easy task. Expectations have definitely changed since the 80s and 90s – expectations from the Ministry of Education, and from various stakeholders such as school boards, parents and students.

It is tough teaching digital natives when one is a digital immigrant. It is not easy juggling lesson preparation, marking assignments and tests, co-curricular activities, the duties of a form teacher, and school committee work.

It is challenging to keep up with new policies as they are rolled out. There is plenty of on-the-job training to gain experience in handling delinquent students with poor family support, students with socio-emotional problems, and students with undiagnosed special educational needs.

It is daunting to teach subjects like languages, now that the use of artificial intelligence has become widespread, as it is teaching subjects like mathematics and the humanities, because the age-old question from students – “Why do we need to learn this?” – is becoming increasingly difficult to answer.

Let us remember that teachers are human too. Besides their professional role, they are also parents, children and siblings. Burnout is very real, especially when respect for the profession has somewhat diminished from Singapore’s nation-building years.

I therefore disagree with the saying that goes “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach”, and would like to instead say: “Those who can, teach.”

This September, let us wish teachers a very happy Teachers’ Day.

Julian Teo Eng Keat

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divorce

Divorcing parents usually want to ensure that their children will be well looked after in any settlement, but whether the cost of subscribing to platforms such as Netflix should be deemed a necessary or even a “luxury” expense is becoming a contentious issue.

Many households have access to these entertainment services, and some parents have included their subscription costs as essential outlays for their children.

The courts have been wrestling with the issue in recent years.

In 2024, the High Court excluded the $30 monthly costs for Netflix and Apple Music as “luxuries”, presumably because the mother had submitted a monthly claim of over $14,000 for her two children.

But in early 2025, Judge Mohamed Faizal took another look at such expenses and said that whether Netflix or similar streaming services may be claimed as child maintenance would depend on the facts of each case.

Noting that such services are increasingly found in many households, much like broadband and other entertainment options, he said that online streaming costs may well be considered as “conventional expenses”.

As the claim before him was for only $26 a month, he said many people may well view such services as a substitute to the often pricier costs for cable television. Judge Faizal approved the request, saying there was no reason in principle why streaming costs should not be allowed in maintenance claims.

Parents’ monthly income

The law has a soft spot for children as they are the casualties when their parents fight. So well-off parents are often ordered to pay higher amounts of maintenance so their children do not have to cancel all their enrichment and leisure activities or move to a much smaller home overnight.

But the idea is not aimed at making parents pay for non-essential expenses and so more generous awards are usually reserved for those who can well afford to provide more.

In one case, a father earning $20,000 a month was asked to pay $3,000 for his child, or 15 per cent of his income. The same yardstick was also adopted for a man who earned about $96,000 a month as an executive director of his company. He was ordered to pay about 15 per cent of his salary, or $14,700, for two children.

That said, the court has found that a child’s “reasonable needs” are not determined solely by the financial capabilities of its parents.

For instance, High Court Judge Choo Han Teck noted that the full costs of an education at an overseas university would not be a reasonable expense that parents should be mandated to pay just because they could afford it.

Rather, a much more reasonable expense would be the costs for tertiary education at a local university.

Furthermore, he added that there was no reason why children who wished to pursue an overseas education could not take on some responsibility for their decision, such as by obtaining scholarships, grants, student loans or contributing to their own expenses by working part-time.

“Children should not simply expect their parents to provide for every desire,” said Justice Choo.

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Judge Faizal noted that parents understandably would want the best for their children, such as “providing them with the finest education, the most enriching experiences, or a future full of opportunity”.

But it is equally important to temper that with financial realities and with a realistic budget, particularly in a situation where the marital breakdown has broken one home into two, and resources must now be stretched across two households.

He said: “In some ways, this is nothing more than a reflection of the lessons that we impart to our own children: Teaching our children the value of hard work, resilience and managing expectations is just as important as any material gift any of us as parents can provide.

“Teaching them the ability to navigate life’s challenges and financial constraint with grace is often itself a valuable life lesson.”

Check out Invest editor Tan Ooi Boon’s new book – Retire With More Money – at stbooks.sg

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no mental health wealth

SINGAPORE - In March, Mr Edwin Tong, who was then Second Minister for Law (now Minister for Law) launched a multi-agency task force to support people with invisible disabilities within the justice system.

One story shared at the event was especially harrowing: a young girl with autism, incarcerated at the Singapore Girls’ Home after a violent outburst, had attempted suicide. It was a painful reminder that when systems do not understand neurodiversity, vulnerable individuals can fall through the cracks, with tragic consequences.

Today, there is a growing awareness that not all minds work the same way. This is known as neurodivergence. Once confined to academic and activist circles, this term has entered mainstream discourse, often used by young people and their families to describe conditions such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome, and more.

The central idea is simple, yet radical. These are not “disorders” or even “disabilities” to be fixed, but natural variations of the human brain, differences in how we learn, focus, move, socialise, or experience the world.

This shift in framing has significant implications not only for psychiatry and education, but increasingly also for our legal system.

As a psychiatrist, I find myself often navigating a double bind. On the one hand, psychiatric classification systems such as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) by the American Psychiatric Association and the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) by the World Health Organisation – which classify many of these differences as disorders – are an essential pillar of clinical work.

They help us define conditions, guide treatment, and organise access to services. These frameworks, based on observable patterns of dysfunction or distress, are vital in ensuring clinical consistency and insurance coverage.

However, these same systems, designed for a medical model, can unintentionally pathologise difference.

Much of the suffering of neurodivergent individuals is not due to internal dysfunction, but rather, external misunderstanding: in classrooms that reward only one mode of learning, workplaces that privilege neurotypical behaviour, or health systems that rely on rigid diagnosis.

In the research world, there has been an effort to evolve beyond such binary distinctions.

The Research Domain Criteria (RDoC) initiative by the US’ National Institute of Mental Health seeks to classify mental functioning across dimensions such as cognitive control or emotional regulation. However, while scientifically promising, RDoC remains a tool for research, not yet ready for real-world clinical or forensic application.

The stakes become especially high when neurodivergent individuals encounter the judicial system. A young person on the autism spectrum may fail to make eye contact or respond appropriately during police questioning, which could be mistaken for evasiveness or guilt.

A teenager with ADHD might act impulsively or react with aggression, drawing punitive attention, instead of developmental support.

Without understanding the behavioural manifestations of neurodivergence, there is a real risk of misinterpreting neurological difference as wilful defiance.

This leads to over-criminalisation, inappropriate incarceration, and sentencing that fails both the offender and society.

In some jurisdictions, such as the UK and US, neurodiversity-informed justice is emerging as a guiding principle. The goal is to promote accessible legal processes and divert neurodivergent individuals from traditional punitive systems towards supportive, rehabilitative frameworks.

In Singapore, mechanisms such as Mandatory Treatment Orders and tailored sentencing in the Family Justice Courts offer early steps in this direction, though they are still limited in scope.

One promising path forward is the application of restorative justice approaches for neurodivergent individuals. Restorative justice shifts the focus from punishment to accountability, healing, and repair. It recognises that harm is best addressed through dialogue and understanding, not isolation or retribution.

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For a neurodivergent youth who has committed a minor offence, restorative practices, such as facilitated mediation with victims, structured apologies, or community restitution, can be more developmentally appropriate than incarceration.

Such approaches also allow the individual to learn the impact of their actions, while society learns to respond with compassion rather than condemnation.

Restorative justice does not negate accountability. Rather, it embeds it within a framework that acknowledges neurological difference, trauma history, and support needs. It also promotes social integration, a key protective factor against future offending.

At the Institute of Mental Health, we are working towards a more inclusive model of care. This includes redesigning our environments for sensory comfort, refining our assessment tools, and getting peer support specialists to aid in patient care.

These are persons who have recovered from their mental illness, who can share their experiences with patients and provide them with wellness training. We also involve them in care discussions and get them to do media interviews for improved mental health literacy. But change cannot stop at the hospital gates.

Schools must look beyond compliance and discipline to embrace individualised learning and behavioural diversity. Workplaces should adjust expectations to value different communication styles and attentional rhythms. And the justice system must evolve from a one-size-fits-all model to one that distinguishes misconduct from misunderstanding.

Neurodivergence challenges our assumptions, not only in psychiatry, but also in policy, education, and law. We cannot abandon classification altogether; it helps us structure systems and services. But we must use these labels with humility, empathy, and flexibility.

Being neurodivergent is not a loophole to escape responsibility, nor is it a flaw to be corrected. It is a call to build systems that honour human difference with human dignity. In doing so, we can make Singapore not just mentally healthier, but also more just, compassionate, and truly inclusive.

Dr Daniel Fung is a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and the chief executive officer of the Institute of Mental Health.

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adhd in adult and other condition

SINGAPORE – A 48-year-educator, who asked to be called Adrian, has felt out of place throughout his life. 

He lives with three neurodivergent conditions – autism, dyspraxia and dyscalculia – that were diagnosed only when he was around 18.

Autism means that Adrian finds it hard to understand social cues, and would offend people without knowing it. As dyspraxia causes difficulties in motor skills and coordination, he would appear clumsy. Dyscalculia affects Adrian’s ability to understand and work with numbers. 

Adrian finds it hard to make friends and fit in, and he was often mocked by his peers at school and when he was doing his national service.

“If you bully a person in a wheelchair, it’s very obvious. But if a person has some strange quirks, and it stems from invisible conditions, people are less understanding and tend to ostracise and judge you prematurely without first taking into account your effort and sincerity of heart,” he said. 

Things came to a head in 2023 at work, where he was the last to pick up on the fact that two department heads were at loggerheads with each other. 

He ended up being caught in the middle, and he eventually quit because the work environment got too toxic for him. That pushed him into depression, for which he is still taking medication.

“It’s just an escalating baggage to carry, where you know that you can never truly belong anywhere,” said Adrian, who is married without children. 

Adrian is part of a group of neurodivergent individuals who also live with mental health conditions. 

Neurodivergence and mental health – what’s the link? 

Neurodivergence and mental health disorders are two separate afflictions. 

Dr Celine Wong, senior consultant at National University Hospital’s department of psychological medicine, said neurodivergence refers to natural variations in how the brain is wired to learn and process information. 

“It is not inherently an illness, but rather a form of human diversity,” said Dr Wong.

Some examples of neurodivergent conditions are autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), intellectual disability and dyslexia.

In contrast, mental health conditions are clinical disorders that affect mood, thought, or behaviour, often leading to significant distress or impairing daily functioning. Common examples include depression, anxiety disorders and bipolar disorder.

“Unlike neurodivergence, mental health conditions are classified primarily as illnesses,” said Dr Wong. 

Pointing out that a person can be neurodivergent without having a mental health condition, Dr Wong said the reason people conflate the two is due to the way society and medicine have historically treated neurodivergence. 

“In the past, conditions like ASD and ADHD were heavily pathologised and seen strictly as disorders to be ‘fixed’. Modern perspectives, however, emphasise that these are differences rather than diseases, though they may bring challenges that require support,” said Dr Wong, who noted that mislabelling can contribute to stigma. 

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While the conditions are distinct, neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ASD and ADHD, are significantly more likely to experience mental health difficulties. 

Dr Wong said: “Neurodivergent individuals often experience sensory overload, social isolation and stigma. Many engage in masking or camouflaging their traits, which is strongly linked to burnout, depression and suicidality.”

She added that research has found that around 80 per cent of autistic people will experience a mental health condition at some point, compared with about 25 per cent in the general population.

Meanwhile, between 35 and 50 per cent of those with ADHD also have depression, and many experience anxiety disorders.

How common is neurodivergence in Singapore? 

There are currently no official statistics on the number of new neurodivergent cases identified here each year. However, the most common neurodivergent condition in Singapore is ADHD, followed by ASD. 

It is estimated that ADHD affects about 5 to 8 per cent of children in Singapore. And it is estimated that about 1 per cent of children in Singapore have ASD, said Dr Wong. 

The Ministry of Health said that between 2021 and 2024, about 1,200 patients diagnosed with ADHD were seen annually at Singapore’s public healthcare institutions. About 82 per cent of the patients were under 21 years old.

MOH added that while an upward trend in diagnoses has been observed in the past few years, further monitoring is needed to determine its significance. 

Ms Moonlake Lee, founder of Unlocking ADHD, suggests that current estimates of ADHD cases in Singapore are conservative.

“Many people are still not familiar with ADHD, which means that they may have been experiencing challenges but do not know that it could be due to their undiagnosed condition.”

The scarcity of ADHD-informed professionals capable of conducting diagnosis, coupled with the high cost of private diagnosis, is also a deterrent, she said. 

Globally in the past decade, more people have been diagnosed with neurodivergence, in part due to better screening, reduced stigma and more support.

More adults in Singapore now also seek diagnoses that may have been missed in their childhood.  

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How can I tell if my child is neurodivergent? 

Mr Eugene Kheng, a clinical psychologist at Changi General Hospital, said the early signs of neurodivergence include delayed developmental milestones in language, motor, cognitive or social development. 

However, individuals who are bright or who struggle with less overt difficulties, such as inattention, may not exhibit obvious behavioural signs as they may mask their challenges or go unnoticed.

Hence, it is important to see if they consistently struggle to meet expectations across different settings, even after their potential mental health conditions such as anxiety, mood or substance use disorders have been addressed. 

ADHD in females, in particular, is frequently misdiagnosed or overlooked. 

The typical image of someone with ADHD is often the stereotype of a hyperactive and rowdy boy who can’t sit still, or someone who is impulsive and disruptive.

But ADHD can look different in females, who commonly have symptoms of inattention, so that they may appear to be daydreaming, careless, or procrastinate on tasks requiring sustained mental effort. 

A 25-year-old working in the tech industry, who wanted to be known only as Cheryl, was diagnosed with ADHD only after she was admitted into the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for a depressive episode when she was 17. 

While initially diagnosed primarily with depression, her doctor decided to test her for ADHD after picking up on her symptoms of impulsivity. For example, Cheryl had quit her polytechnic course twice – both times on a whim.

Tests confirmed that her main diagnosis was ADHD, and she also suffered from depression.

For Cheryl, the revelations came better late than never. 

Things began to make sense – like why she was especially sensitive to criticism and rejection. 

It turned out that a portion of ADHD sufferers have a condition called rejection sensitive dysphoria. 

This means that they often experience severe emotional pain because of failure or rejection. The condition is frequently linked with ADHD, as variations in brain structure can make it difficult for individuals to manage emotions triggered by rejection.

“I would also blame myself or have doubts that I’m good enough, and I think that that kind of emotion caused the depression,” said Cheryl. 

She used to fear rejection by her friends and tried to be a people-pleaser, which would land her in toxic friendships.

But after the diagnosis, she learnt to stop judging herself and set better boundaries.

“I learnt to know my value and my worth, and I didn’t feel the need to get all this external validation from others. That’s when issues started to resolve,” said Cheryl.

Today, with medication for her ADHD, Cheryl also finds it easier to focus her attention on tasks and get work done.

She has since completed a private diploma and is currently taking a private degree. 

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What is the autism spectrum? 

ASD is characterised by a wide range of presentations, with the core features of persistent difficulties in social communication and a pattern of repetitive, stereotypic behaviours and restricted interests.

“While these symptoms are present in, and are diagnostic of, all individuals with autism, there is considerable variation in how these core characteristics manifest,” said Dr Sung Min, a senior consultant at IMH’s department of developmental psychiatry. 

“This has led to the term ‘spectrum’, illustrating how autism presents uniquely in each person.”

Dr Sung, the mother of an adult son with autism, established the autism services at the hospital in 2006 to help other parents and their children. 

A common challenge often voiced by caregivers of individuals with autism is that they have to be perpetually alert to potential social communication difficulties, sudden changes in routines, sensory overload, and other triggers that could lead to meltdowns.

Though autism awareness has increased significantly over the last 10 to 20 years, individuals with autism and their families still encounter daily challenges. 

For instance, some members of the public may mistakenly attribute behavioural challenges to poor parenting, while others may display their discomfort by staring or deliberately moving away from individuals with autism, Dr Sung said. 

These reactions often leave caregivers feeling embarrassed or misunderstood. 

“Instead of showing fear or discomfort, what’s needed are understanding, patience, and simple gestures of support – even a friendly smile can make a difference,” said Dr Sung. 

Ms Jacelyn Lim, the executive director of Autism Resource Centre (Singapore), said more support is urgently needed to help young adults with autism in the areas of living, learning and working.

“There is often an assumption that individuals on the autism spectrum cannot work or are able to only do simple, repetitive tasks,” she said. 

But, they can be very reliable workers. They can be good with tasks where attention to detail and accuracy are required, such as research work or data input, or those that require adherence to clear procedures like archiving, library work or filing, baking or packing, she said.

It is crucial to recognise and utilise the strengths of these individuals rather than focus on their limitations, even if not all may be suitable for employment, she said. 

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Another common misconception, even among parents of children with ASD, is that their behaviour is fixed for life and cannot be altered through intervention, said the parent of a teenager with ASD who wanted to be known only as Mrs Lim. 

Denying a young child timely help by trained professionals keeps them from living their best life later on, she said. 

“When our son was three, his psychologist said we should probably accept the fact that he will only eat a few types of food his entire life. At that time, he was hyper-choosy and we just accepted that,” she said. 

“Then, we sent him to a kindergarten for special needs children. By Primary 1, he was eating everything.”

Mrs Lim said that the teachers at the school exposed him to different foods. 

“They kept pushing his boundaries instead of giving in to his quirks.”

For some neurodivergent people, having a diagnosis may open opportunities for treatment. For instance, people with autism and depression might receive medication for their mood and psychotherapy for the challenges that they face navigating a world that doesn’t cater to them, said Mr Kheng.

And, someone with ADHD and comorbid psychiatric symptoms might receive medication, as well as psychotherapy or coaching for executive functioning. When that improves, so could the person’s feelings of well-being.

Ultimately, for neurodivergent people, the benefit of having a diagnosis, even in adulthood, is about sense-making, Mr Kheng said.

It offers an opportunity for acceptance and closure.

Furthermore, a diagnosis can sometimes also resolve some of their co-occurring struggles with mood and anxiety, especially if these comorbid mental health conditions are perpetuated by self-esteem and self-identity issues, he said.

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silent crisis of young disconnected men

In the early years of the 20th century, America had a “boy problem”. Boys on the street, making trouble. Boys becoming truants. Boys getting caught up in crime. The problem spread across the United States alongside the disruptions of technological change, immigration and growing socio-economic inequality.

Policymakers stepped in – with universal public schooling, for example. But it was the civic response that was truly extraordinary. In less than a decade, most of today’s major child-serving organisations were founded: Big Brothers (1904), the Federated Boys’ Clubs (1906), Boy Scouts (1910), Girl Scouts (1912) and 4-H (1912).

Since 2010, suicide rates among young men have risen by a third – they are now higher than they are among middle-aged men. The share of college degrees going to men has fallen to 41 per cent, lower than the women’s share in 1970. One in 10 men aged 20 to 24 is effectively doing nothing – neither enrolled in school nor working. That’s twice the rate in 1990.

Today’s leaders have been slow to recognise the extent of male troubles, in part because of a fear of being seen as somehow anti-woman. But alarm bells are ringing.

A crisis of connection

This male malaise is not just about jobs and diplomas. It is also a crisis of connection, as men and boys are increasingly detached from civic, familial and social life. They are lost, in part because they are lonely: 25 per cent of boys and men aged 15 to 34 told Gallup they had experienced loneliness “a lot” on the previous day. One in seven young men reports that he has no close friends, up from 3 per cent in 1990. Two-thirds of men under the age of 30 think that “no one cares if men are okay”.

Consider the despair implicit in that last statistic.

Too many boys and young men are unwoven from the fabric of our society. In sociological terms, they lack social capital. This is dangerous for them and for everyone else. These lonely, detached young men can become susceptible to reactionary voices, mostly online, who turn legitimate suffering into dangerous grievances. But it’s important not to confuse the symptoms with the cause, which is disconnection.

This is not a novel pattern driven solely by social media. Political theorist Hannah Arendt learnt from Nazi recruiting in the 1930s that with the breakdown of established social and political structures, lonely, socially isolated young men are vulnerable to totalitarian ideology and appeals to violence.

But it is not all their fault. For too long, mainstream institutions have failed to acknowledge and address the real challenges facing boys and men. They don’t need more wagging fingers. They need helping hands.

Doing more for boys and men does not mean doing less for girls and women, of course. There is plenty of work to do, for example, in tackling the gender pay gap, increasing the representation of women in leadership roles (especially in big tech) and widening access to reproductive healthcare. Gender equality is not a zero-sum game. We can do two things at once. We can take better care of girls and boys.

There is certainly a large role here for public policy: more male teachers, more apprenticeships, male-friendly mental health services, longer paid leave for fathers. But this is also a civic crisis requiring a civic response.

The earlier boy problem

Early in the 20th century the “boy problem” generated sensational media and cultural anxiety. Civic and political leaders worried about roving hordes of uncivilised and lawless boys who ran the streets and caused a ruckus.

Industrialisation had boomed in the decades after the US Civil War, especially because of rapid technological change – expanded train and electrical systems, and phones, cars and the rest. For the upper classes, these changes heralded an age glittering on the surface, but corrupt underneath, as Mark Twain characterised the Gilded Age. But social problems also soon accelerated.

Among the attendant consequences of industrialisation were rapid urbanisation, rapid immigration and a rapid increase in inequality and poverty. The fraction of Americans living in urbanised areas virtually doubled in the half-century from 1870 to 1920. In 1850, less than 10 per cent of Americans were foreign-born; in the next five decades of immigration, that number increased by nearly half again.

In many major cities, immigrants and their children constituted three-quarters of the population. The top 1 per cent’s share of national income nearly doubled, to nearly 20 per cent in 1913 from less than 10 per cent in 1870. Never in American history had its economy and society been so explosively and painfully transformed.

Especially among the poor, immigrant and working classes, these changes disrupted family life, leaving parents overworked, ineffective or absent altogether. Many had neither the time nor the linguistic skills to help their children navigate this unfamiliar environment. Many saw their authority undermined, while others were simply unable to cope with their children.

Almost equally disruptive, community ties in impoverished immigrant neighbourhoods withered. A team of pioneering social scientists in Chicago reported that these children lived in “socially disorganised” spaces, areas of what we would now call low social capital.

For all of these reasons, working-class boys became isolated from their communities, though not necessarily from one another. A 1930 survey reported that 14 per cent of boys living in cities spent every evening away from home, compared with 5 per cent of rural boys. In some Chicago immigrant neighbourhoods, 30 per cent of the boys were on the street every night.

The inevitable result: gangs, juvenile delinquency, violence and general disturbance. The culture into which these young men – children, really – were inculcated was the culture of their peers. Peer culture encouraged masculine toughness. “Sissy” was the ultimate slur. Peer norms stressed physical prowess and aggression, taking risks and taking things. These delinquent cultures emphasised what the sociologist Elijah Anderson would much later term “the code of the street”.

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Letting boys be boys

It’s true that the new problems affected young men of all social classes, but they were much worse among working-class kids, and it was on them that the growing number of reformers focused their efforts. Some of these century-old innovative responses (like orphanages) now seem antiquated, but others (like special education) are remarkably timely.

Public policy reforms were prominent, especially in the field of education. Reformers had several objectives – saving the boys themselves, of course, but also cutting crime and fostering good citizenship. They began with compulsory education and a higher school-leaving age. But many boys resisted those reforms, swelling the numbers of truants and then truant officers.

As Julia Grant, the pre-eminent scholar of the “boy problem”, writes: “With a growing recognition that boys of the dangerous classes would not be easily corralled into schools, reformers created new spaces that would provide greater opportunities for boys to be redeemed through the expression of their boyish natures.”

If the public reforms proved disappointing, the civic response yielded groundbreaking successes. The boom in child-serving organisations we mentioned at the outset, from Big Brothers to Boy Scouts, took hold. The YMCA had a half-century head start, but expanded rapidly during this period, including with a nationwide campaign starting in 1909 to “teach every man and boy in America to swim”.

Getting people involved

Why did these new clubs actually work? Across America, tens of thousands of worried adults suddenly realised that they could do something practical about the youth crisis in their own towns and cities.

Take the case of the Boy Scouts, founded in Britain, whose membership would rise steadily for more than half a century after its establishment in America in 1910. For reformers hoping to attract children to a setting that would improve their deportment, the Boy Scouts represented a nifty blend of fun (hiking and outdoor games) and moral education (the endlessly repeated Scout’s Oath, pledging to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind and so on). Boy Scouts founder Robert Baden-Powell, echoing the industrial language of the era, described it as a “character factory”.

Athletics and recreational facilities were another common approach. Organised youth team sports proliferated, including new gyms, pools and extracurricular activities. The forerunner of the American Camping Association was established in 1910, and summer camps nationwide multiplied tenfold to 1,000 in 1918 from 100 in 1900.

In the late 19th century, proclaiming “muscular Christianity”, churches and other religious institutions helped lead the struggle for the soul of American youth, often borrowing from their British counterparts innovations like the Sunday school movement, the Salvation Army and the Young Men’s Christian Association.

Crucial to all of these civic innovations were mentors, especially male mentors – Scoutmasters, coaches, pastors, Big Brothers and the like. In our own day, when mentoring for have-not children (both formal and informal) has reached levels below that available to their more comfortable classmates, contemporary social science has shown beyond doubt that mentoring matters and its value can be measured. It improves school attendance and school performance and reduces substance abuse.

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Getting more men involved

More than a century ago, reformers recognised that the most effective solution to the boy problem was to build civic institutions and spaces where men could help boys to navigate their way successfully to a mature, pro-social manhood. That is a lesson that needs to be relearnt for our own times.

Former US president Barack Obama said recently: “As a society, we have to create more structures for boys and men to have guidance, rituals, frameworks, encouragement.” And he went further, suggesting that the men in our communities are vital assets who can act as a “sort of elders to boys, so they’re not just looking at one particular role model, but many”.

It takes a village to raise a child. But some of the villagers must be men.

This is where civic institutions should come in, providing places and spaces where boys and young men learn what it means to be a grown man. But in 2025 they are struggling to fulfil that role, for two main reasons.

First, there are simply fewer organisations with an explicit mission to serve boys and men. Most of the ones formed during the last boy crisis have gone co-ed, sometimes as a result of a merger. Most now serve more girls than boys. An exception is Boys and Girls Clubs, which renamed itself in 1990 and still serves a slightly higher share of boys (55 per cent) than girls.

In other cases, previously male-serving institutions have gone co-ed while their sister organisations have remained single-sex. Boy Scouts no longer exists, having rebranded as Scouting America after the controversial decision to admit girls. Of the roughly one million scouts in the movement today, around 20 per cent are girls. But there are also more than a million girls in Girl Scouts, which remains a single-sex organisation. All told, there are now 50 per cent more girls than boys in scouting.

The gradual abolition of organisations devoted to serving boys and men has been a result of a laudable drive for inclusion and perhaps a sense that single-sex environments are archaic or even harmful. But it is naive to think that a society bereft of male-centred institutions is the ideal one for helping boys to become good men. Indeed, there is some suggestive evidence for positive outcomes for boys attending single-sex public schools.

Second, there is a dearth of male volunteers, making it harder to provide services for boys and young men. Only 20 per cent of young volunteers are men. And there are almost twice as many women as men signing up to be a mentor through Big Brothers Big Sisters. As a result, there are almost twice as many teenage boys as girls on the waiting list for a mentor – and they will wait much longer, in some cases for up to a year. This further widens the opportunity gap between boys and girls, since having a mentor is associated with a remarkable 10 per cent rise in college enrolment.

Organisations are beginning to respond. Big Brothers Big Sisters has partnered with the US National Football League to promote the Big Draft, which encourages volunteering among men. Would-be male mentors have told the organisation in focus groups that they also want the chance to connect with other men, resulting in a shift towards more group-based mentoring approaches.

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Historically, sports have provided boys with structure, mentorship and camaraderie, often in a single-sex environment, especially as all other extracurricular activities skew towards girls. But the share of high school-aged boys playing sports has declined to 41 per cent in 2023 from 50 per cent in 2012. Among lower-income boys, the share has dropped to 25 per cent. Financial barriers are one factor, with the rise of “pay to play” travel teams and similar offerings; but another is a relative lack of male coaches.

The challenges facing boys and men today may appear very different from those of a century ago. The trouble is more likely to come from an algorithm than an alleyway. But the results are comparable.

The school system is struggling to keep boys engaged. Wages have stagnated for men without college degrees. Marriage rates have collapsed in lower-income communities. Job growth is in female-skewed sectors like healthcare. And the need to provide more social scaffolding for our boys and young men is just as great. We have too many lost boys. Many are in desperate need of positive male role models.

At the same time, men in their 20s and 30s are now at a higher risk of being socially isolated than their female peers. Many are hungry for a sense of purpose and for opportunities to contribute to society. Getting more men serving as mentors, coaches and tutors to boys is not just about improving the lives of those they serve, but also about giving their own lives more structure and meaning.

A century ago, men stepped up to build spaces for boys and were cheered on for doing so. The need today is just as urgent. We have boys seeking guidance. We have men seeking purpose. We have civic institutions desperate for male volunteers. We need to match the outpouring of civic energy, institutional innovation and readiness to experiment with risky new ideas that marked the “boy problem” reformers a century ago.

In short, today’s boy crisis demands a new call to men – and for men to answer that call.

Robert D. Putnam is a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of Bowling Alone: The Collapse And Revival Of American Community and many other books. Richard V. Reeves is the founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and the author of Of Boys And Men: Why The Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, And What To Do About It.

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happiness elusive for all

For decades, surveys have suggested that middle age is the low point of life. While young and old generally reported high levels of life satisfaction, those in midlife endured a slump. This “U-bend of happiness” or “hump of despair”, depending on perspective, has been documented hundreds of times across many countries. The age of peak misery varied – the Swiss were saddest at 35, Ukrainians in their 60s – but the pattern was consistent.

Recently, however, the curve seems to have become warped. A study published on Aug 27 in Plos One by economists David Blanchflower, Alex Bryson and Xiaowei Xu finds that young people across the world are now reporting the highest levels of misery of any age group. “We’ve seen a change from a hump shape to a ski slope,” says Dr Bryson.

The authors first spotted the shift in the Behavioural Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS), a long-running survey of Americans. They calculated the share of respondents of each age who reported having poor mental health every day in the past month.

Between 2009 and 2018, the familiar hump was present: Misery peaked in middle age. But from 2019 to 2024, the pattern changed. Levels of unhappiness in middle-aged and older adults remained roughly stable, while despair among younger people rose (see top chart).

Britain shows the same trend. Using data from the UK Household Longitudinal Survey and Annual Population Survey, the authors found that both anxiety and despair increased sharply among the under-40s after 2016, erasing the hump by 2019-2021.

There is also some evidence outside the anglophone West. The authors analysed data from the Global Mind Project, a web-based survey, and in each of the 44 countries across Africa, Asia, Europe, Latin America and the Middle East, for which sufficient data was available, young people reported worse mental health than their elders.

The hump could still emerge, however. Because the new study provides a simple snapshot of unhappiness by age at a single point in time, today’s miserable twenty-somethings might follow their predecessors’ path and become even gloomier in middle age. “It’s not inconceivable that if young people start out this badly, they could be even worse off in midlife,” says Dr Bryson.

Longitudinal studies of well-being, which track changes in the same people over time, can reveal such long-term developments. But they are rare. The few that do exist also find the hump, with unhappiness peaking in midlife. That lends credence to the depressing prospect that Generation Z may get sadder still.

Cohort data also supports the idea that the hump could prevail. The Economist split the data from the BRFSS by generation and found that each cohort has become more unhappy as they have reached middle age.

Generation X and millennials have slid into midlife malaise earlier than boomers did, though, and Generation Z are starting their adult life far more miserable than any generation before. At a population level, these trends mean older people now look progressively less downcast than younger groups.

Why youngsters are so depressed is still unclear. One clue may come from the labour market. In a separate study from July 2025, Dr Blanchflower and Dr Bryson found that despair has risen most sharply among young American workers, particularly the least educated. In the past, having a job seemed to provide a protective effect against poor mental health. That effect appears to have weakened for young Americans, perhaps because of falling job satisfaction among the same group.

But although it may be the case in America, it does not explain the data elsewhere. In a third working paper, published in June, the pair found that in some southern European countries, life satisfaction among young people has actually risen since 2015, thanks in large part to a decrease in youth unemployment.

Another oft-cited culprit of teenage angst is smartphone and social media use, which has risen in lockstep with youth mental health problems since the early 2010s. There is some evidence for a causal link, but the most rigorous studies, which track teenagers’ mood and social media use over long periods of time, do not find a strong relationship between such app use and subsequent mental ill-health.

Of course, things may yet turn around. Analysis by The Economist earlier in 2025 found that the mental health of young Americans has somewhat improved recently, perhaps hinting at a return to youthful cheerfulness. If so, midlifers might find themselves the saddest once again – though ideally, with fond memories of better times. © 2025 THE ECONOMIST NEWSPAPER LIMITED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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bullying

Managing bullying in schools is rarely a black-and-white issue, yet public reactions often assume it is. The recent Sengkang Green Primary case illustrates how public outrage, fuelled by viral posts, often collides with the far more complex realities of handling such incidents.

Sengkang Green Primary School made the news recently when the mother of a pupil alleged on Facebook in mid-August that her daughter had been bullied by three male classmates, that she had also received prank calls and death threats against her, her daughter and her husband, and that a written reply from the school was not forthcoming.

Within days, the Ministry of Education (MOE) released its findings: the boys were suspended, with one caned. A timeline detailed painstaking efforts by the school to manage the situation and keep parents updated. Yet by then, public anger had already boiled over.

The incident came just months after a viral video of Montfort Secondary School students fighting. Online comments on the Sengkang Green case demanded swift punishment of the boys, and accused teachers, school leaders and MOE of negligence. Some argued that parents had no choice but to go public to prod schools into action.

The problem with a zero-bullying goal

The reactions reveal three inherent tensions.

First, bullying touches a nerve because it violates our most basic expectation that children should learn in a safe and inclusive environment. Yet, the expectation that schools and MOE can deliver instant justice and eliminate bullying altogether is unrealistic.

For one thing, research underscores that bullying is not rare. About one in four upper primary pupils in a local study from 2018 to 2019 reported being bullied, with a smaller number indicating that they have been bullies, while a CNA survey earlier in 2025 found nearly 30 per cent of secondary school students had similar experiences.

Other countries face the same challenge. In Malaysia, the government is considering an Anti-Bullying Act after a 13-year-old schoolgirl died following alleged abuse by peers.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, relational (such as exclusion or gossip) or online. The last two – relational bullying and cyber bullying – are especially insidious because they are notoriously more difficult to detect, prove and resolve.

Although the public often expects teachers to remain central in students’ everyday lives and shoulder the primary responsibility of dealing with bullying, some ask whether teachers are in fact the best-placed individuals to investigate school bullying cases.

Here is an alternative: In 2023, South Korea announced plans to hire former police officers and teachers to take over investigations, shielding classroom teachers from parental complaints and allowing them to focus on teaching. If Singapore were to adopt a similar approach, considerable effort would be needed to establish clear legal and operational frameworks.

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The problem with blaming schools and teachers

Second, public debate on bullying wrongly assumes the end-goal is punishment instead of repair. Justice in bullying cases is not straightforward. While punitive measures like suspension and caning may satisfy demands for retribution, perpetrators and victims usually have to continue sharing the same school environment afterwards. 

Care must be exercised in helping the victims, while ensuring no one involved is subsequently ostracised. Teachers undertake all of these tasks while also taking into account the age-appropriacy of the follow-up actions.

This is why MOE stresses restorative justice – guiding perpetrators to take responsibility, repairing relationships, and avoiding entrenched labels such as “bully” and “victim”. Parents are also enlisted to mend ties.

Even so, teachers face an almost impossible balancing act: safeguarding victims, rehabilitating bullies, calming parents, and protecting the wider school community – all while staying accountable to a sceptical public.

MOE’s Character and Citizenship Education programme emphasises the teacher’s role in creating a caring and enabling school environment, building strong peer networks and teaching social-emotional skills. But this is easier said than done.

Teachers juggle and interact with hundreds of students across form class, subject teaching and co-curricular activities. They must tell intentional bullying apart from ordinary rudeness or thoughtlessness that may not constitute a desire to inflict intentional harm, gather information from multiple sources, and act fairly – all under intense time pressure. 

Many victims may not report incidents at all, preferring to confide in peers or fearing retaliation, until matters escalate. Cases are even harder to handle when parents are upset or when details are already circulating online, fuelling calls for immediate punishment. 

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The problem with social media

The Sengkang Green case highlights a third reality: once an allegation goes viral, the ministry is often forced on to the defensive, regardless of the facts. In this case, MOE’s official announcement of its investigation on Aug 20 had to compete with an earlier online narrative that had framed the school as negligent.

This is not new. After earlier cases at Montfort and Admiralty Secondary, MOE urged the public not to circulate videos of school fights. Then Second Minister for Education Maliki Osman even warned earlier in 2025 that those who post such videos could face consequences. But the online tide is hard to stem. Once outrage spreads, schools and the ministry are judged as much in the court of public opinion as on the merits of their actions.

If there is one takeaway from the Sengkang Green case, it is that bullying cases are a veritable minefield. Schools and MOE must navigate students’ welfare, parents’ expectations and public sentiment – all while managing investigations that are rarely clear-cut.

Needless to say, winning public confidence is a must. In every instance, MOE must demonstrate that clear, transparent and fair processes are in place, even for cases that don’t make the headlines. Communication with parents must also improve. As MOE director of schools Tan Chen Kee noted earlier in 2025, some schools still “need a little bit more guidance and support” in this area.

But we should also temper our expectations. Professor Dewey Cornell, a forensic clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, stated in an afterword in a 2024 handbook on school violence, bullying and safety that “bullying might be compared to a disease for which there appears to be no satisfactory vaccination or treatment despite decades of study”. 

The formal schooling years are a period in a child’s life where socialisation is the goal. That will necessarily involve some level of friction, as children get used to one another, find ways to get along, and manage the frictions that arise when they disagree or rub one another up the wrong way. 

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Can you bully-proof your child?

Why should we expect perfectly harmonious relations among children and adolescents in school, when adults themselves struggle with conflict and office politics in the workplace? Similarly, stemming bullying in schools is always a work in progress where best effort should not be so easily dismissed.

All this is not to absolve all of us from responsibility. Schools, parents and society at large must continue refining approaches, whether through preventive education, restorative justice or parental involvement.

At the end of the day, children are watching how adults respond. If they see knee-jerk blame and retribution, they learn one lesson. If they see the public respond to situations with fairness, care and accountability, they learn another. That, perhaps, is the most important long-term test of how we deal with bullying.

Jason Tan is associate professor, policy, curriculum and leadership, at the National Institute of Education.

man sell house in trust for children

SINGAPORE - A man bought two properties totalling $2.4 million that were held in trust for his two young children but found himself in a bind a few years later when he could not keep up with the mortgage payments.

So he had to apply for a High Court order to sell the apartments. The court eventually approved the sale but instructed him to deposit the proceeds in trust accounts that would benefit his kids only.

At its most basic, the case provides compelling lessons on the risks of borrowing too much to buy property. Besides the loan on the family home, which was being serviced with cash and CPF money, the father also had to foot the mortgage payments on the two trust properties.

The first property, which was bought for the eight-year-old daughter’s benefit, was purchased at $1,434,000 and it had an outstanding loan of $645,300. The second property, which was for the 13-year-old son, was bought at $975,000 and it still had an outstanding mortgage of $438,750.

The father, whose occupation and monthly salary were not disclosed in court, wanted to sell the trust properties because he faced uncertain job prospects. Some of his colleagues had been laid off and he feared he might join them on the chopping block.

With his savings “fast dwindling”, he worried that he might not be able to keep paying the loans on his kids’ properties. He also noted that his elderly parents needed his financial support.

In view of these financial demands and uncertainty arising from his employment, he told the court that it would be prudent, and in the interest of the children, to sell the properties.

To support his application for a sale, he proposed to keep the net sale proceeds of the two properties in trust accounts for the daughter and son.

The father added that he planned to either buy a more affordable property for the children or use the proceeds from the sale to send them for tertiary education. Meanwhile, the kids would continue to live with him and his wife until they reach 21.

Selling trust properties

High Court Judge Choo Han Teck noted that to consider whether it was “expedient” in selling trust properties, the proposed sale must be done for the benefit of the trust, in that it would lead to better administration and management of the children’s assets.

If the father couldn’t meet mortgage payments, the two properties might be foreclosed, which would reduce the value of the children’s assets.

The judge granted the order for the sale but told the father to deposit the balance of the proceeds in the kids’ trust accounts.

The father would then need to produce documents showing the balance of the two trust accounts, the sale price of the units and expenses arising from the sale.

This had to be done to prove that the sale proceeds were being used only for the benefit of the children and no other purpose, as they were effectively the owners of the properties and not their parents.

Here are three important points on trust properties that all investors should know.

ABSD in trust cases

When the man bought the properties in trust for his children in December 2020, he did not have to foot the additional buyer’s stamp duty (ABSD) as the kids did not own any real estate.

But the rule changed in May 2022 to mandate trustees buying residential properties to pay upfront ABSD of 35 per cent. This was further increased to 65 per cent in April 2023.

This means that parents who buy trust properties for their children must now pay 65 per cent of ABSD during the purchase. They can apply for a refund if they can show the taxman that the trust was genuinely done to give the properties to the children, without any strings attached.

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For instance, some parents might state in the trust deed that their children can only assume ownership of the properties after they graduate from university. While parents can write such terms to incentivise their kids, such conditions in a trust would not entitle them to an ABSD refund.

If the father in this case had bought the properties after the full ABSD had been imposed, he would have had to pay an upfront levy of 65 per cent of the $2.4 million outlaid – a tidy sum of $1.56 million.

In the past, some parents created such property trusts as a way to avoid paying ABSD when buying additional investment properties in the name of their kids.

But the changes effectively pulled the rug out from under non-genuine cases because those who could afford to make early plans for their kids would not mind footing the ABSD as they would be able to get a refund later.

Misuse of trust

There is a compelling reason why the court in this case imposed strict conditions for the management of the sales proceeds from the trust properties – the money belongs to the children, not their parents.

Indeed, the parents could face penalties if the proceeds were used for other purposes, such as meeting their own expenses or paying off their loans.

Misusing trust proceeds can be a sign that the trust is just a sham scheme to buy additional properties without paying the ABSD.

Anyone using an arrangement solely designed to avoid paying ABSD can face severe penalties, such as having to pay the stamp duty that had been avoided plus an additional 50 per cent surcharge.

No right over trust properties

When you buy property in trust for your kids, it means you are giving it as an outright gift; you cannot assume that the kids are merely holding it for you.

There have been at least two cases in recent years involving parents who had second thoughts about such trust properties after buying them for their children.

Both concerned fathers who were embroiled in divorces. They wanted to stake claims on the properties, arguing that the trusts were created as ploys to avoid the ABSD.

They both failed because the courts ruled that such trusts were properly created and could not be dismantled without the beneficiaries’ consent.

In one case, the father’s name was taken out from the trust, meaning he could no longer make decisions regarding the property. In the other case, the court ordered the immediate transfer of legal ownership to the adult son.

If there is a lesson from such cases, it is that wealth and legacy planning should not be used to avoid paying ABSD because those with ulterior motives often end up losing even more than any tax savings they initially gained.

Check out Invest editor Tan Ooi Boon’s new book – Retire With More Money – at stbooks.sg

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budgeting

SINGAPORE – Even though mine is a dual-income household, money seems to flow out of my bank account faster than I would like. On top of the regular household bills and insurance premiums, there are also school fees and expenses for the children’s extracurricular activities, unforeseen doctor visits and so on.

The monthly outflows don’t include money for retirement planning and the proverbial rainy day.

The Sunday Times Invest team has run many articles with suggestions and tips on how to manage a budget: Pay yourself first, save and set aside money first so that you can spend the rest without guilt, put your money into pools, automate the savings and so on. They do work, and I employ some of these tips myself, such as automating payments and savings.

But one thing that has really helped me is taking steps to manage my monthly cash flow. There is no better visibility than running a balance sheet for the month, much like how entrepreneurs do it for their business. The financial quantum for businesses is obviously much bigger than for households, but there are certainly some nuggets of knowledge that can be applied.

Mr Gabriel Le Roux, founder and CEO of Primer, a fintech payment infrastructure provider, said there are “definitely similarities” between managing finances for a start-up and for his household.

“Both require prioritising, budgeting and having a clear sense of your long-term goals... I’ve learnt the value of keeping things flexible. Life (and markets) can be unpredictable, so whether it’s business or personal, it helps to build in buffers,” said Mr Le Roux, who has two young children.

He automates payments that do not need constant attention, and keeps a clear view of his cash flow. “It’s not about micromanaging every expense – it’s about building a system that works, and more importantly, one that can adapt as life evolves. Scalability matters, even in a personal context.”

Mr Le Roux added: “At a start-up, you’re making financial decisions with much larger implications and at a much faster pace. In your household, you can pause and reflect a bit more.”

Mr Andrew Tan, who has two daughters aged eight and five, divides the money in his bank account into different cash pots for his personal finances, much like what he does for his business, furniture store Atomi.

Having an emergency fund pot proved a lifesaver when his younger daughter had an allergy within a week of her birth. She had to be hospitalised three days after being discharged following her birth.

“It was a five-digit bill and she had no insurance for the first month of her birth, so this was an unforeseen cost and it was a cash outflow we had to pay,” he added.

Mobile financial platform YouTrip’s monthly operating expenses may run into the millions, but the mindset for managing the household finances is “surprisingly similar”, said co-founder and chief executive officer Caecilia Chu.

It’s about “thoughtful allocation, long-term value and intentional choices”, said the 42-year-old, who has two children aged 11 and nine.

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At its core, she said, managing both start-up and household finances comes down to setting “clear priorities and making deliberate trade-offs”.

“It’s about asking what matters most, and where does every dollar make the biggest impact? In the business, it could be a decision between expanding into a new market or doubling down on product innovation. At home, it might be choosing between a memorable family holiday or upgrading the living room TV – which, for the record, we still haven’t done. Both require discipline, but also a shared vision of what you’re working towards,” said Ms Chu.

Of course, keeping an eye on cash flow is just as important as building one’s savings or growing investments, said Ms Chu. It gives one the day-to-day clarity to ensure one’s financial choices align with what really matters, and she added that she has come to “value experiences with loved ones far more than material things”.

With the family’s packed schedules, there are only a few windows each year for them to get away for “meaningful family holidays”.

“So, we plan around those moments – we budget conservatively and prioritise saving for them, rather than spreading spending across less intentional purchases throughout the year,” she said. “To me, managing household finances isn’t just a numbers exercise. It’s about using money consciously to create the moments that truly matter.”

Credit cards and lines, and cash loans, when used responsibly, can help ease certain financial pressures faced by young families, such as housing upgrades, renovations and childcare costs, said Mr Vasu Menon, managing director of investment strategy at OCBC.

He stressed though, that these should only be used when they are absolutely necessary, and to tide oneself over in the short term while waiting for incoming funds to repay the loans in full, as interest rates on some of these credit facilities can be high. 

Consider the three A’s before borrowing, Mr Menon said:

Amount: Borrow only what is necessary, with a clear purpose.

Affordability: Ensure monthly repayments fit your budget.

Arrangement: Understand the terms, interest rates, and automate payments to avoid late fees.

For freelancers and gig workers, Atomi’s Mr Tan said there are “certain costs you can’t save on”, such as insurance and one’s regular contributions to your Central Provident Fund account.

This is especially important for freelancers and/or gig workers, or those who are their own boss and employee in a company – they would see about 37 per cent of their monthly income going to their CPF accounts as employers contribute 20 per cent, while employees contribute 17 per cent.

“Some take the easy way out and declare lower CPF contribution, because it takes a toll on the cash flow,” he said. “But don’t cut corners because you have to think about your house payments, Medi­Save, and the compounding interest that CPF will provide... The CPF contribution is an important discipline to undertake.”

Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture: Financial freedom

Managing the daily and monthly cash flow is one way to manage your finances, but the act of it may not grow your money. When the going gets tough, it helps to remind oneself why – to reach a point where you feel free financially, and to teach your children how to get there one day, too.

“Everyone is on this quest to unlock financial freedom, and while you’re on that journey, you save and save and save. Then you figure out how to amplify and invest... because having a salary alone does not make you rich,” said Ms Tjin Lee, whose luxury marketing agency Mercury Integrated was bought by Hong Kong-based marketing firm Gusto Collective in 2023.

“If you’re still at the stage where you’re growing your money to hit that amount in your head that you need to hit before you unlock financial freedom, then of course you need to prioritise prudent spending and saving. Everybody has this number, and it varies for all of us.”

For Ms Lee, who has found her financial freedom (she declined to say what her financial goal is, monetary-wise), her focus is to cultivate an entrepreneurial and wealth mindset for her two sons aged 12 and 10.

“As an entrepreneur, we focus on making money rather than saving money. If you spend all your time teaching your children how to save money instead of how to make money, then you’re focusing on scarcity instead of abundance. Of course, I think being prudent about spending, smart about your money and financial literacy are very important,” said the 51-year old.

Citing the present, when many in the developing and developed worlds are gig workers, and the future of jobs is changing rapidly, resulting in the difficulty of teaching future skills for “jobs that don’t exist yet”, Ms Lee said she focuses on asking what problems her children want to solve in the world when they grow up.

“So, with that in mind, I think about gearing them up to be entrepreneurial, or to lead,” she said. “And not to ask, what do you want to be when you grow up? Because that job won’t exist in the future.”

She practises financial planning with her sons by asking them to plan and budget for a two-week summer camp for others to attend, for example.

“I’ll ask them, how much do you think you can make from this camp? This is the budget you have and there are 50 children. How much do you have to spend on each kid and how much profit do you want to make? So we work backwards, and the financials come into play. It’s almost like a maths game.”

Ms Lee added: “It’s very different from just teaching. As children, they have no concept of money, right? I know some people think it’s crass to talk about money, but this is financial literacy. It’s important for kids to learn.”

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Ms Chu of YouTrip does a similar exercise with her children, as she and her husband value involving them in the budgeting process and helping them to understand decision-making and value creation from a young age.

“For instance, if we have a weekend budget, we ask them to ‘pitch’ their idea – whether it’s a visit to Rainforest Wild Asia or tickets to a local theatre performance. They’re encouraged to weigh the trade-offs, build their case, and reflect on what the experience means to them. It’s our way of raising mindful decision-makers, not just smart spenders,” she said.

And even when cash flow is tight, Mr Menon suggests starting retirement planning early.

“It may feel premature, but starting early – through CPF top-ups or disciplined investing – leverages the power of compounding. A small commitment today can grow into a meaningful nest egg tomorrow.”