divorce

Divorcing parents usually want to ensure that their children will be well looked after in any settlement, but whether the cost of subscribing to platforms such as Netflix should be deemed a necessary or even a “luxury” expense is becoming a contentious issue.

Many households have access to these entertainment services, and some parents have included their subscription costs as essential outlays for their children.

The courts have been wrestling with the issue in recent years.

In 2024, the High Court excluded the $30 monthly costs for Netflix and Apple Music as “luxuries”, presumably because the mother had submitted a monthly claim of over $14,000 for her two children.

But in early 2025, Judge Mohamed Faizal took another look at such expenses and said that whether Netflix or similar streaming services may be claimed as child maintenance would depend on the facts of each case.

Noting that such services are increasingly found in many households, much like broadband and other entertainment options, he said that online streaming costs may well be considered as “conventional expenses”.

As the claim before him was for only $26 a month, he said many people may well view such services as a substitute to the often pricier costs for cable television. Judge Faizal approved the request, saying there was no reason in principle why streaming costs should not be allowed in maintenance claims.

Parents’ monthly income

The law has a soft spot for children as they are the casualties when their parents fight. So well-off parents are often ordered to pay higher amounts of maintenance so their children do not have to cancel all their enrichment and leisure activities or move to a much smaller home overnight.

But the idea is not aimed at making parents pay for non-essential expenses and so more generous awards are usually reserved for those who can well afford to provide more.

In one case, a father earning $20,000 a month was asked to pay $3,000 for his child, or 15 per cent of his income. The same yardstick was also adopted for a man who earned about $96,000 a month as an executive director of his company. He was ordered to pay about 15 per cent of his salary, or $14,700, for two children.

That said, the court has found that a child’s “reasonable needs” are not determined solely by the financial capabilities of its parents.

For instance, High Court Judge Choo Han Teck noted that the full costs of an education at an overseas university would not be a reasonable expense that parents should be mandated to pay just because they could afford it.

Rather, a much more reasonable expense would be the costs for tertiary education at a local university.

Furthermore, he added that there was no reason why children who wished to pursue an overseas education could not take on some responsibility for their decision, such as by obtaining scholarships, grants, student loans or contributing to their own expenses by working part-time.

“Children should not simply expect their parents to provide for every desire,” said Justice Choo.

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Judge Faizal noted that parents understandably would want the best for their children, such as “providing them with the finest education, the most enriching experiences, or a future full of opportunity”.

But it is equally important to temper that with financial realities and with a realistic budget, particularly in a situation where the marital breakdown has broken one home into two, and resources must now be stretched across two households.

He said: “In some ways, this is nothing more than a reflection of the lessons that we impart to our own children: Teaching our children the value of hard work, resilience and managing expectations is just as important as any material gift any of us as parents can provide.

“Teaching them the ability to navigate life’s challenges and financial constraint with grace is often itself a valuable life lesson.”

Check out Invest editor Tan Ooi Boon’s new book – Retire With More Money – at stbooks.sg

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no mental health wealth

SINGAPORE - In March, Mr Edwin Tong, who was then Second Minister for Law (now Minister for Law) launched a multi-agency task force to support people with invisible disabilities within the justice system.

One story shared at the event was especially harrowing: a young girl with autism, incarcerated at the Singapore Girls’ Home after a violent outburst, had attempted suicide. It was a painful reminder that when systems do not understand neurodiversity, vulnerable individuals can fall through the cracks, with tragic consequences.

Today, there is a growing awareness that not all minds work the same way. This is known as neurodivergence. Once confined to academic and activist circles, this term has entered mainstream discourse, often used by young people and their families to describe conditions such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome, and more.

The central idea is simple, yet radical. These are not “disorders” or even “disabilities” to be fixed, but natural variations of the human brain, differences in how we learn, focus, move, socialise, or experience the world.

This shift in framing has significant implications not only for psychiatry and education, but increasingly also for our legal system.

As a psychiatrist, I find myself often navigating a double bind. On the one hand, psychiatric classification systems such as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) by the American Psychiatric Association and the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) by the World Health Organisation – which classify many of these differences as disorders – are an essential pillar of clinical work.

They help us define conditions, guide treatment, and organise access to services. These frameworks, based on observable patterns of dysfunction or distress, are vital in ensuring clinical consistency and insurance coverage.

However, these same systems, designed for a medical model, can unintentionally pathologise difference.

Much of the suffering of neurodivergent individuals is not due to internal dysfunction, but rather, external misunderstanding: in classrooms that reward only one mode of learning, workplaces that privilege neurotypical behaviour, or health systems that rely on rigid diagnosis.

In the research world, there has been an effort to evolve beyond such binary distinctions.

The Research Domain Criteria (RDoC) initiative by the US’ National Institute of Mental Health seeks to classify mental functioning across dimensions such as cognitive control or emotional regulation. However, while scientifically promising, RDoC remains a tool for research, not yet ready for real-world clinical or forensic application.

The stakes become especially high when neurodivergent individuals encounter the judicial system. A young person on the autism spectrum may fail to make eye contact or respond appropriately during police questioning, which could be mistaken for evasiveness or guilt.

A teenager with ADHD might act impulsively or react with aggression, drawing punitive attention, instead of developmental support.

Without understanding the behavioural manifestations of neurodivergence, there is a real risk of misinterpreting neurological difference as wilful defiance.

This leads to over-criminalisation, inappropriate incarceration, and sentencing that fails both the offender and society.

In some jurisdictions, such as the UK and US, neurodiversity-informed justice is emerging as a guiding principle. The goal is to promote accessible legal processes and divert neurodivergent individuals from traditional punitive systems towards supportive, rehabilitative frameworks.

In Singapore, mechanisms such as Mandatory Treatment Orders and tailored sentencing in the Family Justice Courts offer early steps in this direction, though they are still limited in scope.

One promising path forward is the application of restorative justice approaches for neurodivergent individuals. Restorative justice shifts the focus from punishment to accountability, healing, and repair. It recognises that harm is best addressed through dialogue and understanding, not isolation or retribution.

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For a neurodivergent youth who has committed a minor offence, restorative practices, such as facilitated mediation with victims, structured apologies, or community restitution, can be more developmentally appropriate than incarceration.

Such approaches also allow the individual to learn the impact of their actions, while society learns to respond with compassion rather than condemnation.

Restorative justice does not negate accountability. Rather, it embeds it within a framework that acknowledges neurological difference, trauma history, and support needs. It also promotes social integration, a key protective factor against future offending.

At the Institute of Mental Health, we are working towards a more inclusive model of care. This includes redesigning our environments for sensory comfort, refining our assessment tools, and getting peer support specialists to aid in patient care.

These are persons who have recovered from their mental illness, who can share their experiences with patients and provide them with wellness training. We also involve them in care discussions and get them to do media interviews for improved mental health literacy. But change cannot stop at the hospital gates.

Schools must look beyond compliance and discipline to embrace individualised learning and behavioural diversity. Workplaces should adjust expectations to value different communication styles and attentional rhythms. And the justice system must evolve from a one-size-fits-all model to one that distinguishes misconduct from misunderstanding.

Neurodivergence challenges our assumptions, not only in psychiatry, but also in policy, education, and law. We cannot abandon classification altogether; it helps us structure systems and services. But we must use these labels with humility, empathy, and flexibility.

Being neurodivergent is not a loophole to escape responsibility, nor is it a flaw to be corrected. It is a call to build systems that honour human difference with human dignity. In doing so, we can make Singapore not just mentally healthier, but also more just, compassionate, and truly inclusive.

Dr Daniel Fung is a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and the chief executive officer of the Institute of Mental Health.

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adhd in adult and other condition

SINGAPORE – A 48-year-educator, who asked to be called Adrian, has felt out of place throughout his life. 

He lives with three neurodivergent conditions – autism, dyspraxia and dyscalculia – that were diagnosed only when he was around 18.

Autism means that Adrian finds it hard to understand social cues, and would offend people without knowing it. As dyspraxia causes difficulties in motor skills and coordination, he would appear clumsy. Dyscalculia affects Adrian’s ability to understand and work with numbers. 

Adrian finds it hard to make friends and fit in, and he was often mocked by his peers at school and when he was doing his national service.

“If you bully a person in a wheelchair, it’s very obvious. But if a person has some strange quirks, and it stems from invisible conditions, people are less understanding and tend to ostracise and judge you prematurely without first taking into account your effort and sincerity of heart,” he said. 

Things came to a head in 2023 at work, where he was the last to pick up on the fact that two department heads were at loggerheads with each other. 

He ended up being caught in the middle, and he eventually quit because the work environment got too toxic for him. That pushed him into depression, for which he is still taking medication.

“It’s just an escalating baggage to carry, where you know that you can never truly belong anywhere,” said Adrian, who is married without children. 

Adrian is part of a group of neurodivergent individuals who also live with mental health conditions. 

Neurodivergence and mental health – what’s the link? 

Neurodivergence and mental health disorders are two separate afflictions. 

Dr Celine Wong, senior consultant at National University Hospital’s department of psychological medicine, said neurodivergence refers to natural variations in how the brain is wired to learn and process information. 

“It is not inherently an illness, but rather a form of human diversity,” said Dr Wong.

Some examples of neurodivergent conditions are autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), intellectual disability and dyslexia.

In contrast, mental health conditions are clinical disorders that affect mood, thought, or behaviour, often leading to significant distress or impairing daily functioning. Common examples include depression, anxiety disorders and bipolar disorder.

“Unlike neurodivergence, mental health conditions are classified primarily as illnesses,” said Dr Wong. 

Pointing out that a person can be neurodivergent without having a mental health condition, Dr Wong said the reason people conflate the two is due to the way society and medicine have historically treated neurodivergence. 

“In the past, conditions like ASD and ADHD were heavily pathologised and seen strictly as disorders to be ‘fixed’. Modern perspectives, however, emphasise that these are differences rather than diseases, though they may bring challenges that require support,” said Dr Wong, who noted that mislabelling can contribute to stigma. 

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While the conditions are distinct, neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ASD and ADHD, are significantly more likely to experience mental health difficulties. 

Dr Wong said: “Neurodivergent individuals often experience sensory overload, social isolation and stigma. Many engage in masking or camouflaging their traits, which is strongly linked to burnout, depression and suicidality.”

She added that research has found that around 80 per cent of autistic people will experience a mental health condition at some point, compared with about 25 per cent in the general population.

Meanwhile, between 35 and 50 per cent of those with ADHD also have depression, and many experience anxiety disorders.

How common is neurodivergence in Singapore? 

There are currently no official statistics on the number of new neurodivergent cases identified here each year. However, the most common neurodivergent condition in Singapore is ADHD, followed by ASD. 

It is estimated that ADHD affects about 5 to 8 per cent of children in Singapore. And it is estimated that about 1 per cent of children in Singapore have ASD, said Dr Wong. 

The Ministry of Health said that between 2021 and 2024, about 1,200 patients diagnosed with ADHD were seen annually at Singapore’s public healthcare institutions. About 82 per cent of the patients were under 21 years old.

MOH added that while an upward trend in diagnoses has been observed in the past few years, further monitoring is needed to determine its significance. 

Ms Moonlake Lee, founder of Unlocking ADHD, suggests that current estimates of ADHD cases in Singapore are conservative.

“Many people are still not familiar with ADHD, which means that they may have been experiencing challenges but do not know that it could be due to their undiagnosed condition.”

The scarcity of ADHD-informed professionals capable of conducting diagnosis, coupled with the high cost of private diagnosis, is also a deterrent, she said. 

Globally in the past decade, more people have been diagnosed with neurodivergence, in part due to better screening, reduced stigma and more support.

More adults in Singapore now also seek diagnoses that may have been missed in their childhood.  

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How can I tell if my child is neurodivergent? 

Mr Eugene Kheng, a clinical psychologist at Changi General Hospital, said the early signs of neurodivergence include delayed developmental milestones in language, motor, cognitive or social development. 

However, individuals who are bright or who struggle with less overt difficulties, such as inattention, may not exhibit obvious behavioural signs as they may mask their challenges or go unnoticed.

Hence, it is important to see if they consistently struggle to meet expectations across different settings, even after their potential mental health conditions such as anxiety, mood or substance use disorders have been addressed. 

ADHD in females, in particular, is frequently misdiagnosed or overlooked. 

The typical image of someone with ADHD is often the stereotype of a hyperactive and rowdy boy who can’t sit still, or someone who is impulsive and disruptive.

But ADHD can look different in females, who commonly have symptoms of inattention, so that they may appear to be daydreaming, careless, or procrastinate on tasks requiring sustained mental effort. 

A 25-year-old working in the tech industry, who wanted to be known only as Cheryl, was diagnosed with ADHD only after she was admitted into the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for a depressive episode when she was 17. 

While initially diagnosed primarily with depression, her doctor decided to test her for ADHD after picking up on her symptoms of impulsivity. For example, Cheryl had quit her polytechnic course twice – both times on a whim.

Tests confirmed that her main diagnosis was ADHD, and she also suffered from depression.

For Cheryl, the revelations came better late than never. 

Things began to make sense – like why she was especially sensitive to criticism and rejection. 

It turned out that a portion of ADHD sufferers have a condition called rejection sensitive dysphoria. 

This means that they often experience severe emotional pain because of failure or rejection. The condition is frequently linked with ADHD, as variations in brain structure can make it difficult for individuals to manage emotions triggered by rejection.

“I would also blame myself or have doubts that I’m good enough, and I think that that kind of emotion caused the depression,” said Cheryl. 

She used to fear rejection by her friends and tried to be a people-pleaser, which would land her in toxic friendships.

But after the diagnosis, she learnt to stop judging herself and set better boundaries.

“I learnt to know my value and my worth, and I didn’t feel the need to get all this external validation from others. That’s when issues started to resolve,” said Cheryl.

Today, with medication for her ADHD, Cheryl also finds it easier to focus her attention on tasks and get work done.

She has since completed a private diploma and is currently taking a private degree. 

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What is the autism spectrum? 

ASD is characterised by a wide range of presentations, with the core features of persistent difficulties in social communication and a pattern of repetitive, stereotypic behaviours and restricted interests.

“While these symptoms are present in, and are diagnostic of, all individuals with autism, there is considerable variation in how these core characteristics manifest,” said Dr Sung Min, a senior consultant at IMH’s department of developmental psychiatry. 

“This has led to the term ‘spectrum’, illustrating how autism presents uniquely in each person.”

Dr Sung, the mother of an adult son with autism, established the autism services at the hospital in 2006 to help other parents and their children. 

A common challenge often voiced by caregivers of individuals with autism is that they have to be perpetually alert to potential social communication difficulties, sudden changes in routines, sensory overload, and other triggers that could lead to meltdowns.

Though autism awareness has increased significantly over the last 10 to 20 years, individuals with autism and their families still encounter daily challenges. 

For instance, some members of the public may mistakenly attribute behavioural challenges to poor parenting, while others may display their discomfort by staring or deliberately moving away from individuals with autism, Dr Sung said. 

These reactions often leave caregivers feeling embarrassed or misunderstood. 

“Instead of showing fear or discomfort, what’s needed are understanding, patience, and simple gestures of support – even a friendly smile can make a difference,” said Dr Sung. 

Ms Jacelyn Lim, the executive director of Autism Resource Centre (Singapore), said more support is urgently needed to help young adults with autism in the areas of living, learning and working.

“There is often an assumption that individuals on the autism spectrum cannot work or are able to only do simple, repetitive tasks,” she said. 

But, they can be very reliable workers. They can be good with tasks where attention to detail and accuracy are required, such as research work or data input, or those that require adherence to clear procedures like archiving, library work or filing, baking or packing, she said.

It is crucial to recognise and utilise the strengths of these individuals rather than focus on their limitations, even if not all may be suitable for employment, she said. 

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Another common misconception, even among parents of children with ASD, is that their behaviour is fixed for life and cannot be altered through intervention, said the parent of a teenager with ASD who wanted to be known only as Mrs Lim. 

Denying a young child timely help by trained professionals keeps them from living their best life later on, she said. 

“When our son was three, his psychologist said we should probably accept the fact that he will only eat a few types of food his entire life. At that time, he was hyper-choosy and we just accepted that,” she said. 

“Then, we sent him to a kindergarten for special needs children. By Primary 1, he was eating everything.”

Mrs Lim said that the teachers at the school exposed him to different foods. 

“They kept pushing his boundaries instead of giving in to his quirks.”

For some neurodivergent people, having a diagnosis may open opportunities for treatment. For instance, people with autism and depression might receive medication for their mood and psychotherapy for the challenges that they face navigating a world that doesn’t cater to them, said Mr Kheng.

And, someone with ADHD and comorbid psychiatric symptoms might receive medication, as well as psychotherapy or coaching for executive functioning. When that improves, so could the person’s feelings of well-being.

Ultimately, for neurodivergent people, the benefit of having a diagnosis, even in adulthood, is about sense-making, Mr Kheng said.

It offers an opportunity for acceptance and closure.

Furthermore, a diagnosis can sometimes also resolve some of their co-occurring struggles with mood and anxiety, especially if these comorbid mental health conditions are perpetuated by self-esteem and self-identity issues, he said.

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In the early years of the 20th century, America had a “boy problem”. Boys on the street, making trouble. Boys becoming truants. Boys getting caught up in crime. The problem spread across the United States alongside the disruptions of technological change, immigration and growing socio-economic inequality.

Policymakers stepped in – with universal public schooling, for example. But it was the civic response that was truly extraordinary. In less than a decade, most of today’s major child-serving organisations were founded: Big Brothers (1904), the Federated Boys’ Clubs (1906), Boy Scouts (1910), Girl Scouts (1912) and 4-H (1912).

Since 2010, suicide rates among young men have risen by a third – they are now higher than they are among middle-aged men. The share of college degrees going to men has fallen to 41 per cent, lower than the women’s share in 1970. One in 10 men aged 20 to 24 is effectively doing nothing – neither enrolled in school nor working. That’s twice the rate in 1990.

Today’s leaders have been slow to recognise the extent of male troubles, in part because of a fear of being seen as somehow anti-woman. But alarm bells are ringing.

A crisis of connection

This male malaise is not just about jobs and diplomas. It is also a crisis of connection, as men and boys are increasingly detached from civic, familial and social life. They are lost, in part because they are lonely: 25 per cent of boys and men aged 15 to 34 told Gallup they had experienced loneliness “a lot” on the previous day. One in seven young men reports that he has no close friends, up from 3 per cent in 1990. Two-thirds of men under the age of 30 think that “no one cares if men are okay”.

Consider the despair implicit in that last statistic.

Too many boys and young men are unwoven from the fabric of our society. In sociological terms, they lack social capital. This is dangerous for them and for everyone else. These lonely, detached young men can become susceptible to reactionary voices, mostly online, who turn legitimate suffering into dangerous grievances. But it’s important not to confuse the symptoms with the cause, which is disconnection.

This is not a novel pattern driven solely by social media. Political theorist Hannah Arendt learnt from Nazi recruiting in the 1930s that with the breakdown of established social and political structures, lonely, socially isolated young men are vulnerable to totalitarian ideology and appeals to violence.

But it is not all their fault. For too long, mainstream institutions have failed to acknowledge and address the real challenges facing boys and men. They don’t need more wagging fingers. They need helping hands.

Doing more for boys and men does not mean doing less for girls and women, of course. There is plenty of work to do, for example, in tackling the gender pay gap, increasing the representation of women in leadership roles (especially in big tech) and widening access to reproductive healthcare. Gender equality is not a zero-sum game. We can do two things at once. We can take better care of girls and boys.

There is certainly a large role here for public policy: more male teachers, more apprenticeships, male-friendly mental health services, longer paid leave for fathers. But this is also a civic crisis requiring a civic response.

The earlier boy problem

Early in the 20th century the “boy problem” generated sensational media and cultural anxiety. Civic and political leaders worried about roving hordes of uncivilised and lawless boys who ran the streets and caused a ruckus.

Industrialisation had boomed in the decades after the US Civil War, especially because of rapid technological change – expanded train and electrical systems, and phones, cars and the rest. For the upper classes, these changes heralded an age glittering on the surface, but corrupt underneath, as Mark Twain characterised the Gilded Age. But social problems also soon accelerated.

Among the attendant consequences of industrialisation were rapid urbanisation, rapid immigration and a rapid increase in inequality and poverty. The fraction of Americans living in urbanised areas virtually doubled in the half-century from 1870 to 1920. In 1850, less than 10 per cent of Americans were foreign-born; in the next five decades of immigration, that number increased by nearly half again.

In many major cities, immigrants and their children constituted three-quarters of the population. The top 1 per cent’s share of national income nearly doubled, to nearly 20 per cent in 1913 from less than 10 per cent in 1870. Never in American history had its economy and society been so explosively and painfully transformed.

Especially among the poor, immigrant and working classes, these changes disrupted family life, leaving parents overworked, ineffective or absent altogether. Many had neither the time nor the linguistic skills to help their children navigate this unfamiliar environment. Many saw their authority undermined, while others were simply unable to cope with their children.

Almost equally disruptive, community ties in impoverished immigrant neighbourhoods withered. A team of pioneering social scientists in Chicago reported that these children lived in “socially disorganised” spaces, areas of what we would now call low social capital.

For all of these reasons, working-class boys became isolated from their communities, though not necessarily from one another. A 1930 survey reported that 14 per cent of boys living in cities spent every evening away from home, compared with 5 per cent of rural boys. In some Chicago immigrant neighbourhoods, 30 per cent of the boys were on the street every night.

The inevitable result: gangs, juvenile delinquency, violence and general disturbance. The culture into which these young men – children, really – were inculcated was the culture of their peers. Peer culture encouraged masculine toughness. “Sissy” was the ultimate slur. Peer norms stressed physical prowess and aggression, taking risks and taking things. These delinquent cultures emphasised what the sociologist Elijah Anderson would much later term “the code of the street”.

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Letting boys be boys

It’s true that the new problems affected young men of all social classes, but they were much worse among working-class kids, and it was on them that the growing number of reformers focused their efforts. Some of these century-old innovative responses (like orphanages) now seem antiquated, but others (like special education) are remarkably timely.

Public policy reforms were prominent, especially in the field of education. Reformers had several objectives – saving the boys themselves, of course, but also cutting crime and fostering good citizenship. They began with compulsory education and a higher school-leaving age. But many boys resisted those reforms, swelling the numbers of truants and then truant officers.

As Julia Grant, the pre-eminent scholar of the “boy problem”, writes: “With a growing recognition that boys of the dangerous classes would not be easily corralled into schools, reformers created new spaces that would provide greater opportunities for boys to be redeemed through the expression of their boyish natures.”

If the public reforms proved disappointing, the civic response yielded groundbreaking successes. The boom in child-serving organisations we mentioned at the outset, from Big Brothers to Boy Scouts, took hold. The YMCA had a half-century head start, but expanded rapidly during this period, including with a nationwide campaign starting in 1909 to “teach every man and boy in America to swim”.

Getting people involved

Why did these new clubs actually work? Across America, tens of thousands of worried adults suddenly realised that they could do something practical about the youth crisis in their own towns and cities.

Take the case of the Boy Scouts, founded in Britain, whose membership would rise steadily for more than half a century after its establishment in America in 1910. For reformers hoping to attract children to a setting that would improve their deportment, the Boy Scouts represented a nifty blend of fun (hiking and outdoor games) and moral education (the endlessly repeated Scout’s Oath, pledging to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind and so on). Boy Scouts founder Robert Baden-Powell, echoing the industrial language of the era, described it as a “character factory”.

Athletics and recreational facilities were another common approach. Organised youth team sports proliferated, including new gyms, pools and extracurricular activities. The forerunner of the American Camping Association was established in 1910, and summer camps nationwide multiplied tenfold to 1,000 in 1918 from 100 in 1900.

In the late 19th century, proclaiming “muscular Christianity”, churches and other religious institutions helped lead the struggle for the soul of American youth, often borrowing from their British counterparts innovations like the Sunday school movement, the Salvation Army and the Young Men’s Christian Association.

Crucial to all of these civic innovations were mentors, especially male mentors – Scoutmasters, coaches, pastors, Big Brothers and the like. In our own day, when mentoring for have-not children (both formal and informal) has reached levels below that available to their more comfortable classmates, contemporary social science has shown beyond doubt that mentoring matters and its value can be measured. It improves school attendance and school performance and reduces substance abuse.

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Getting more men involved

More than a century ago, reformers recognised that the most effective solution to the boy problem was to build civic institutions and spaces where men could help boys to navigate their way successfully to a mature, pro-social manhood. That is a lesson that needs to be relearnt for our own times.

Former US president Barack Obama said recently: “As a society, we have to create more structures for boys and men to have guidance, rituals, frameworks, encouragement.” And he went further, suggesting that the men in our communities are vital assets who can act as a “sort of elders to boys, so they’re not just looking at one particular role model, but many”.

It takes a village to raise a child. But some of the villagers must be men.

This is where civic institutions should come in, providing places and spaces where boys and young men learn what it means to be a grown man. But in 2025 they are struggling to fulfil that role, for two main reasons.

First, there are simply fewer organisations with an explicit mission to serve boys and men. Most of the ones formed during the last boy crisis have gone co-ed, sometimes as a result of a merger. Most now serve more girls than boys. An exception is Boys and Girls Clubs, which renamed itself in 1990 and still serves a slightly higher share of boys (55 per cent) than girls.

In other cases, previously male-serving institutions have gone co-ed while their sister organisations have remained single-sex. Boy Scouts no longer exists, having rebranded as Scouting America after the controversial decision to admit girls. Of the roughly one million scouts in the movement today, around 20 per cent are girls. But there are also more than a million girls in Girl Scouts, which remains a single-sex organisation. All told, there are now 50 per cent more girls than boys in scouting.

The gradual abolition of organisations devoted to serving boys and men has been a result of a laudable drive for inclusion and perhaps a sense that single-sex environments are archaic or even harmful. But it is naive to think that a society bereft of male-centred institutions is the ideal one for helping boys to become good men. Indeed, there is some suggestive evidence for positive outcomes for boys attending single-sex public schools.

Second, there is a dearth of male volunteers, making it harder to provide services for boys and young men. Only 20 per cent of young volunteers are men. And there are almost twice as many women as men signing up to be a mentor through Big Brothers Big Sisters. As a result, there are almost twice as many teenage boys as girls on the waiting list for a mentor – and they will wait much longer, in some cases for up to a year. This further widens the opportunity gap between boys and girls, since having a mentor is associated with a remarkable 10 per cent rise in college enrolment.

Organisations are beginning to respond. Big Brothers Big Sisters has partnered with the US National Football League to promote the Big Draft, which encourages volunteering among men. Would-be male mentors have told the organisation in focus groups that they also want the chance to connect with other men, resulting in a shift towards more group-based mentoring approaches.

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Historically, sports have provided boys with structure, mentorship and camaraderie, often in a single-sex environment, especially as all other extracurricular activities skew towards girls. But the share of high school-aged boys playing sports has declined to 41 per cent in 2023 from 50 per cent in 2012. Among lower-income boys, the share has dropped to 25 per cent. Financial barriers are one factor, with the rise of “pay to play” travel teams and similar offerings; but another is a relative lack of male coaches.

The challenges facing boys and men today may appear very different from those of a century ago. The trouble is more likely to come from an algorithm than an alleyway. But the results are comparable.

The school system is struggling to keep boys engaged. Wages have stagnated for men without college degrees. Marriage rates have collapsed in lower-income communities. Job growth is in female-skewed sectors like healthcare. And the need to provide more social scaffolding for our boys and young men is just as great. We have too many lost boys. Many are in desperate need of positive male role models.

At the same time, men in their 20s and 30s are now at a higher risk of being socially isolated than their female peers. Many are hungry for a sense of purpose and for opportunities to contribute to society. Getting more men serving as mentors, coaches and tutors to boys is not just about improving the lives of those they serve, but also about giving their own lives more structure and meaning.

A century ago, men stepped up to build spaces for boys and were cheered on for doing so. The need today is just as urgent. We have boys seeking guidance. We have men seeking purpose. We have civic institutions desperate for male volunteers. We need to match the outpouring of civic energy, institutional innovation and readiness to experiment with risky new ideas that marked the “boy problem” reformers a century ago.

In short, today’s boy crisis demands a new call to men – and for men to answer that call.

Robert D. Putnam is a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of Bowling Alone: The Collapse And Revival Of American Community and many other books. Richard V. Reeves is the founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and the author of Of Boys And Men: Why The Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, And What To Do About It.

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happiness elusive for all

For decades, surveys have suggested that middle age is the low point of life. While young and old generally reported high levels of life satisfaction, those in midlife endured a slump. This “U-bend of happiness” or “hump of despair”, depending on perspective, has been documented hundreds of times across many countries. The age of peak misery varied – the Swiss were saddest at 35, Ukrainians in their 60s – but the pattern was consistent.

Recently, however, the curve seems to have become warped. A study published on Aug 27 in Plos One by economists David Blanchflower, Alex Bryson and Xiaowei Xu finds that young people across the world are now reporting the highest levels of misery of any age group. “We’ve seen a change from a hump shape to a ski slope,” says Dr Bryson.

The authors first spotted the shift in the Behavioural Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS), a long-running survey of Americans. They calculated the share of respondents of each age who reported having poor mental health every day in the past month.

Between 2009 and 2018, the familiar hump was present: Misery peaked in middle age. But from 2019 to 2024, the pattern changed. Levels of unhappiness in middle-aged and older adults remained roughly stable, while despair among younger people rose (see top chart).

Britain shows the same trend. Using data from the UK Household Longitudinal Survey and Annual Population Survey, the authors found that both anxiety and despair increased sharply among the under-40s after 2016, erasing the hump by 2019-2021.

There is also some evidence outside the anglophone West. The authors analysed data from the Global Mind Project, a web-based survey, and in each of the 44 countries across Africa, Asia, Europe, Latin America and the Middle East, for which sufficient data was available, young people reported worse mental health than their elders.

The hump could still emerge, however. Because the new study provides a simple snapshot of unhappiness by age at a single point in time, today’s miserable twenty-somethings might follow their predecessors’ path and become even gloomier in middle age. “It’s not inconceivable that if young people start out this badly, they could be even worse off in midlife,” says Dr Bryson.

Longitudinal studies of well-being, which track changes in the same people over time, can reveal such long-term developments. But they are rare. The few that do exist also find the hump, with unhappiness peaking in midlife. That lends credence to the depressing prospect that Generation Z may get sadder still.

Cohort data also supports the idea that the hump could prevail. The Economist split the data from the BRFSS by generation and found that each cohort has become more unhappy as they have reached middle age.

Generation X and millennials have slid into midlife malaise earlier than boomers did, though, and Generation Z are starting their adult life far more miserable than any generation before. At a population level, these trends mean older people now look progressively less downcast than younger groups.

Why youngsters are so depressed is still unclear. One clue may come from the labour market. In a separate study from July 2025, Dr Blanchflower and Dr Bryson found that despair has risen most sharply among young American workers, particularly the least educated. In the past, having a job seemed to provide a protective effect against poor mental health. That effect appears to have weakened for young Americans, perhaps because of falling job satisfaction among the same group.

But although it may be the case in America, it does not explain the data elsewhere. In a third working paper, published in June, the pair found that in some southern European countries, life satisfaction among young people has actually risen since 2015, thanks in large part to a decrease in youth unemployment.

Another oft-cited culprit of teenage angst is smartphone and social media use, which has risen in lockstep with youth mental health problems since the early 2010s. There is some evidence for a causal link, but the most rigorous studies, which track teenagers’ mood and social media use over long periods of time, do not find a strong relationship between such app use and subsequent mental ill-health.

Of course, things may yet turn around. Analysis by The Economist earlier in 2025 found that the mental health of young Americans has somewhat improved recently, perhaps hinting at a return to youthful cheerfulness. If so, midlifers might find themselves the saddest once again – though ideally, with fond memories of better times. © 2025 THE ECONOMIST NEWSPAPER LIMITED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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bullying

Managing bullying in schools is rarely a black-and-white issue, yet public reactions often assume it is. The recent Sengkang Green Primary case illustrates how public outrage, fuelled by viral posts, often collides with the far more complex realities of handling such incidents.

Sengkang Green Primary School made the news recently when the mother of a pupil alleged on Facebook in mid-August that her daughter had been bullied by three male classmates, that she had also received prank calls and death threats against her, her daughter and her husband, and that a written reply from the school was not forthcoming.

Within days, the Ministry of Education (MOE) released its findings: the boys were suspended, with one caned. A timeline detailed painstaking efforts by the school to manage the situation and keep parents updated. Yet by then, public anger had already boiled over.

The incident came just months after a viral video of Montfort Secondary School students fighting. Online comments on the Sengkang Green case demanded swift punishment of the boys, and accused teachers, school leaders and MOE of negligence. Some argued that parents had no choice but to go public to prod schools into action.

The problem with a zero-bullying goal

The reactions reveal three inherent tensions.

First, bullying touches a nerve because it violates our most basic expectation that children should learn in a safe and inclusive environment. Yet, the expectation that schools and MOE can deliver instant justice and eliminate bullying altogether is unrealistic.

For one thing, research underscores that bullying is not rare. About one in four upper primary pupils in a local study from 2018 to 2019 reported being bullied, with a smaller number indicating that they have been bullies, while a CNA survey earlier in 2025 found nearly 30 per cent of secondary school students had similar experiences.

Other countries face the same challenge. In Malaysia, the government is considering an Anti-Bullying Act after a 13-year-old schoolgirl died following alleged abuse by peers.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, relational (such as exclusion or gossip) or online. The last two – relational bullying and cyber bullying – are especially insidious because they are notoriously more difficult to detect, prove and resolve.

Although the public often expects teachers to remain central in students’ everyday lives and shoulder the primary responsibility of dealing with bullying, some ask whether teachers are in fact the best-placed individuals to investigate school bullying cases.

Here is an alternative: In 2023, South Korea announced plans to hire former police officers and teachers to take over investigations, shielding classroom teachers from parental complaints and allowing them to focus on teaching. If Singapore were to adopt a similar approach, considerable effort would be needed to establish clear legal and operational frameworks.

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The problem with blaming schools and teachers

Second, public debate on bullying wrongly assumes the end-goal is punishment instead of repair. Justice in bullying cases is not straightforward. While punitive measures like suspension and caning may satisfy demands for retribution, perpetrators and victims usually have to continue sharing the same school environment afterwards. 

Care must be exercised in helping the victims, while ensuring no one involved is subsequently ostracised. Teachers undertake all of these tasks while also taking into account the age-appropriacy of the follow-up actions.

This is why MOE stresses restorative justice – guiding perpetrators to take responsibility, repairing relationships, and avoiding entrenched labels such as “bully” and “victim”. Parents are also enlisted to mend ties.

Even so, teachers face an almost impossible balancing act: safeguarding victims, rehabilitating bullies, calming parents, and protecting the wider school community – all while staying accountable to a sceptical public.

MOE’s Character and Citizenship Education programme emphasises the teacher’s role in creating a caring and enabling school environment, building strong peer networks and teaching social-emotional skills. But this is easier said than done.

Teachers juggle and interact with hundreds of students across form class, subject teaching and co-curricular activities. They must tell intentional bullying apart from ordinary rudeness or thoughtlessness that may not constitute a desire to inflict intentional harm, gather information from multiple sources, and act fairly – all under intense time pressure. 

Many victims may not report incidents at all, preferring to confide in peers or fearing retaliation, until matters escalate. Cases are even harder to handle when parents are upset or when details are already circulating online, fuelling calls for immediate punishment. 

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The problem with social media

The Sengkang Green case highlights a third reality: once an allegation goes viral, the ministry is often forced on to the defensive, regardless of the facts. In this case, MOE’s official announcement of its investigation on Aug 20 had to compete with an earlier online narrative that had framed the school as negligent.

This is not new. After earlier cases at Montfort and Admiralty Secondary, MOE urged the public not to circulate videos of school fights. Then Second Minister for Education Maliki Osman even warned earlier in 2025 that those who post such videos could face consequences. But the online tide is hard to stem. Once outrage spreads, schools and the ministry are judged as much in the court of public opinion as on the merits of their actions.

If there is one takeaway from the Sengkang Green case, it is that bullying cases are a veritable minefield. Schools and MOE must navigate students’ welfare, parents’ expectations and public sentiment – all while managing investigations that are rarely clear-cut.

Needless to say, winning public confidence is a must. In every instance, MOE must demonstrate that clear, transparent and fair processes are in place, even for cases that don’t make the headlines. Communication with parents must also improve. As MOE director of schools Tan Chen Kee noted earlier in 2025, some schools still “need a little bit more guidance and support” in this area.

But we should also temper our expectations. Professor Dewey Cornell, a forensic clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, stated in an afterword in a 2024 handbook on school violence, bullying and safety that “bullying might be compared to a disease for which there appears to be no satisfactory vaccination or treatment despite decades of study”. 

The formal schooling years are a period in a child’s life where socialisation is the goal. That will necessarily involve some level of friction, as children get used to one another, find ways to get along, and manage the frictions that arise when they disagree or rub one another up the wrong way. 

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Why should we expect perfectly harmonious relations among children and adolescents in school, when adults themselves struggle with conflict and office politics in the workplace? Similarly, stemming bullying in schools is always a work in progress where best effort should not be so easily dismissed.

All this is not to absolve all of us from responsibility. Schools, parents and society at large must continue refining approaches, whether through preventive education, restorative justice or parental involvement.

At the end of the day, children are watching how adults respond. If they see knee-jerk blame and retribution, they learn one lesson. If they see the public respond to situations with fairness, care and accountability, they learn another. That, perhaps, is the most important long-term test of how we deal with bullying.

Jason Tan is associate professor, policy, curriculum and leadership, at the National Institute of Education.

man sell house in trust for children

SINGAPORE - A man bought two properties totalling $2.4 million that were held in trust for his two young children but found himself in a bind a few years later when he could not keep up with the mortgage payments.

So he had to apply for a High Court order to sell the apartments. The court eventually approved the sale but instructed him to deposit the proceeds in trust accounts that would benefit his kids only.

At its most basic, the case provides compelling lessons on the risks of borrowing too much to buy property. Besides the loan on the family home, which was being serviced with cash and CPF money, the father also had to foot the mortgage payments on the two trust properties.

The first property, which was bought for the eight-year-old daughter’s benefit, was purchased at $1,434,000 and it had an outstanding loan of $645,300. The second property, which was for the 13-year-old son, was bought at $975,000 and it still had an outstanding mortgage of $438,750.

The father, whose occupation and monthly salary were not disclosed in court, wanted to sell the trust properties because he faced uncertain job prospects. Some of his colleagues had been laid off and he feared he might join them on the chopping block.

With his savings “fast dwindling”, he worried that he might not be able to keep paying the loans on his kids’ properties. He also noted that his elderly parents needed his financial support.

In view of these financial demands and uncertainty arising from his employment, he told the court that it would be prudent, and in the interest of the children, to sell the properties.

To support his application for a sale, he proposed to keep the net sale proceeds of the two properties in trust accounts for the daughter and son.

The father added that he planned to either buy a more affordable property for the children or use the proceeds from the sale to send them for tertiary education. Meanwhile, the kids would continue to live with him and his wife until they reach 21.

Selling trust properties

High Court Judge Choo Han Teck noted that to consider whether it was “expedient” in selling trust properties, the proposed sale must be done for the benefit of the trust, in that it would lead to better administration and management of the children’s assets.

If the father couldn’t meet mortgage payments, the two properties might be foreclosed, which would reduce the value of the children’s assets.

The judge granted the order for the sale but told the father to deposit the balance of the proceeds in the kids’ trust accounts.

The father would then need to produce documents showing the balance of the two trust accounts, the sale price of the units and expenses arising from the sale.

This had to be done to prove that the sale proceeds were being used only for the benefit of the children and no other purpose, as they were effectively the owners of the properties and not their parents.

Here are three important points on trust properties that all investors should know.

ABSD in trust cases

When the man bought the properties in trust for his children in December 2020, he did not have to foot the additional buyer’s stamp duty (ABSD) as the kids did not own any real estate.

But the rule changed in May 2022 to mandate trustees buying residential properties to pay upfront ABSD of 35 per cent. This was further increased to 65 per cent in April 2023.

This means that parents who buy trust properties for their children must now pay 65 per cent of ABSD during the purchase. They can apply for a refund if they can show the taxman that the trust was genuinely done to give the properties to the children, without any strings attached.

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For instance, some parents might state in the trust deed that their children can only assume ownership of the properties after they graduate from university. While parents can write such terms to incentivise their kids, such conditions in a trust would not entitle them to an ABSD refund.

If the father in this case had bought the properties after the full ABSD had been imposed, he would have had to pay an upfront levy of 65 per cent of the $2.4 million outlaid – a tidy sum of $1.56 million.

In the past, some parents created such property trusts as a way to avoid paying ABSD when buying additional investment properties in the name of their kids.

But the changes effectively pulled the rug out from under non-genuine cases because those who could afford to make early plans for their kids would not mind footing the ABSD as they would be able to get a refund later.

Misuse of trust

There is a compelling reason why the court in this case imposed strict conditions for the management of the sales proceeds from the trust properties – the money belongs to the children, not their parents.

Indeed, the parents could face penalties if the proceeds were used for other purposes, such as meeting their own expenses or paying off their loans.

Misusing trust proceeds can be a sign that the trust is just a sham scheme to buy additional properties without paying the ABSD.

Anyone using an arrangement solely designed to avoid paying ABSD can face severe penalties, such as having to pay the stamp duty that had been avoided plus an additional 50 per cent surcharge.

No right over trust properties

When you buy property in trust for your kids, it means you are giving it as an outright gift; you cannot assume that the kids are merely holding it for you.

There have been at least two cases in recent years involving parents who had second thoughts about such trust properties after buying them for their children.

Both concerned fathers who were embroiled in divorces. They wanted to stake claims on the properties, arguing that the trusts were created as ploys to avoid the ABSD.

They both failed because the courts ruled that such trusts were properly created and could not be dismantled without the beneficiaries’ consent.

In one case, the father’s name was taken out from the trust, meaning he could no longer make decisions regarding the property. In the other case, the court ordered the immediate transfer of legal ownership to the adult son.

If there is a lesson from such cases, it is that wealth and legacy planning should not be used to avoid paying ABSD because those with ulterior motives often end up losing even more than any tax savings they initially gained.

Check out Invest editor Tan Ooi Boon’s new book – Retire With More Money – at stbooks.sg

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budgeting

SINGAPORE – Even though mine is a dual-income household, money seems to flow out of my bank account faster than I would like. On top of the regular household bills and insurance premiums, there are also school fees and expenses for the children’s extracurricular activities, unforeseen doctor visits and so on.

The monthly outflows don’t include money for retirement planning and the proverbial rainy day.

The Sunday Times Invest team has run many articles with suggestions and tips on how to manage a budget: Pay yourself first, save and set aside money first so that you can spend the rest without guilt, put your money into pools, automate the savings and so on. They do work, and I employ some of these tips myself, such as automating payments and savings.

But one thing that has really helped me is taking steps to manage my monthly cash flow. There is no better visibility than running a balance sheet for the month, much like how entrepreneurs do it for their business. The financial quantum for businesses is obviously much bigger than for households, but there are certainly some nuggets of knowledge that can be applied.

Mr Gabriel Le Roux, founder and CEO of Primer, a fintech payment infrastructure provider, said there are “definitely similarities” between managing finances for a start-up and for his household.

“Both require prioritising, budgeting and having a clear sense of your long-term goals... I’ve learnt the value of keeping things flexible. Life (and markets) can be unpredictable, so whether it’s business or personal, it helps to build in buffers,” said Mr Le Roux, who has two young children.

He automates payments that do not need constant attention, and keeps a clear view of his cash flow. “It’s not about micromanaging every expense – it’s about building a system that works, and more importantly, one that can adapt as life evolves. Scalability matters, even in a personal context.”

Mr Le Roux added: “At a start-up, you’re making financial decisions with much larger implications and at a much faster pace. In your household, you can pause and reflect a bit more.”

Mr Andrew Tan, who has two daughters aged eight and five, divides the money in his bank account into different cash pots for his personal finances, much like what he does for his business, furniture store Atomi.

Having an emergency fund pot proved a lifesaver when his younger daughter had an allergy within a week of her birth. She had to be hospitalised three days after being discharged following her birth.

“It was a five-digit bill and she had no insurance for the first month of her birth, so this was an unforeseen cost and it was a cash outflow we had to pay,” he added.

Mobile financial platform YouTrip’s monthly operating expenses may run into the millions, but the mindset for managing the household finances is “surprisingly similar”, said co-founder and chief executive officer Caecilia Chu.

It’s about “thoughtful allocation, long-term value and intentional choices”, said the 42-year-old, who has two children aged 11 and nine.

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At its core, she said, managing both start-up and household finances comes down to setting “clear priorities and making deliberate trade-offs”.

“It’s about asking what matters most, and where does every dollar make the biggest impact? In the business, it could be a decision between expanding into a new market or doubling down on product innovation. At home, it might be choosing between a memorable family holiday or upgrading the living room TV – which, for the record, we still haven’t done. Both require discipline, but also a shared vision of what you’re working towards,” said Ms Chu.

Of course, keeping an eye on cash flow is just as important as building one’s savings or growing investments, said Ms Chu. It gives one the day-to-day clarity to ensure one’s financial choices align with what really matters, and she added that she has come to “value experiences with loved ones far more than material things”.

With the family’s packed schedules, there are only a few windows each year for them to get away for “meaningful family holidays”.

“So, we plan around those moments – we budget conservatively and prioritise saving for them, rather than spreading spending across less intentional purchases throughout the year,” she said. “To me, managing household finances isn’t just a numbers exercise. It’s about using money consciously to create the moments that truly matter.”

Credit cards and lines, and cash loans, when used responsibly, can help ease certain financial pressures faced by young families, such as housing upgrades, renovations and childcare costs, said Mr Vasu Menon, managing director of investment strategy at OCBC.

He stressed though, that these should only be used when they are absolutely necessary, and to tide oneself over in the short term while waiting for incoming funds to repay the loans in full, as interest rates on some of these credit facilities can be high. 

Consider the three A’s before borrowing, Mr Menon said:

Amount: Borrow only what is necessary, with a clear purpose.

Affordability: Ensure monthly repayments fit your budget.

Arrangement: Understand the terms, interest rates, and automate payments to avoid late fees.

For freelancers and gig workers, Atomi’s Mr Tan said there are “certain costs you can’t save on”, such as insurance and one’s regular contributions to your Central Provident Fund account.

This is especially important for freelancers and/or gig workers, or those who are their own boss and employee in a company – they would see about 37 per cent of their monthly income going to their CPF accounts as employers contribute 20 per cent, while employees contribute 17 per cent.

“Some take the easy way out and declare lower CPF contribution, because it takes a toll on the cash flow,” he said. “But don’t cut corners because you have to think about your house payments, Medi­Save, and the compounding interest that CPF will provide... The CPF contribution is an important discipline to undertake.”

Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture: Financial freedom

Managing the daily and monthly cash flow is one way to manage your finances, but the act of it may not grow your money. When the going gets tough, it helps to remind oneself why – to reach a point where you feel free financially, and to teach your children how to get there one day, too.

“Everyone is on this quest to unlock financial freedom, and while you’re on that journey, you save and save and save. Then you figure out how to amplify and invest... because having a salary alone does not make you rich,” said Ms Tjin Lee, whose luxury marketing agency Mercury Integrated was bought by Hong Kong-based marketing firm Gusto Collective in 2023.

“If you’re still at the stage where you’re growing your money to hit that amount in your head that you need to hit before you unlock financial freedom, then of course you need to prioritise prudent spending and saving. Everybody has this number, and it varies for all of us.”

For Ms Lee, who has found her financial freedom (she declined to say what her financial goal is, monetary-wise), her focus is to cultivate an entrepreneurial and wealth mindset for her two sons aged 12 and 10.

“As an entrepreneur, we focus on making money rather than saving money. If you spend all your time teaching your children how to save money instead of how to make money, then you’re focusing on scarcity instead of abundance. Of course, I think being prudent about spending, smart about your money and financial literacy are very important,” said the 51-year old.

Citing the present, when many in the developing and developed worlds are gig workers, and the future of jobs is changing rapidly, resulting in the difficulty of teaching future skills for “jobs that don’t exist yet”, Ms Lee said she focuses on asking what problems her children want to solve in the world when they grow up.

“So, with that in mind, I think about gearing them up to be entrepreneurial, or to lead,” she said. “And not to ask, what do you want to be when you grow up? Because that job won’t exist in the future.”

She practises financial planning with her sons by asking them to plan and budget for a two-week summer camp for others to attend, for example.

“I’ll ask them, how much do you think you can make from this camp? This is the budget you have and there are 50 children. How much do you have to spend on each kid and how much profit do you want to make? So we work backwards, and the financials come into play. It’s almost like a maths game.”

Ms Lee added: “It’s very different from just teaching. As children, they have no concept of money, right? I know some people think it’s crass to talk about money, but this is financial literacy. It’s important for kids to learn.”

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Ms Chu of YouTrip does a similar exercise with her children, as she and her husband value involving them in the budgeting process and helping them to understand decision-making and value creation from a young age.

“For instance, if we have a weekend budget, we ask them to ‘pitch’ their idea – whether it’s a visit to Rainforest Wild Asia or tickets to a local theatre performance. They’re encouraged to weigh the trade-offs, build their case, and reflect on what the experience means to them. It’s our way of raising mindful decision-makers, not just smart spenders,” she said.

And even when cash flow is tight, Mr Menon suggests starting retirement planning early.

“It may feel premature, but starting early – through CPF top-ups or disciplined investing – leverages the power of compounding. A small commitment today can grow into a meaningful nest egg tomorrow.”

retrench

SINGAPORE - Growing up, I was obsessed with collecting toys that came with Happy Meals.

Whenever my parents took me to a McDonald’s outlet, I looked forward to going home with a Hello Kitty plushie or a Transformers autobot.

For what I thought was a blissful period, my dad started adding a new toy to my collection almost every day.

I learnt only recently that I had got it completely wrong.

He had been retrenched. Not wanting to worry my mum, he continued to leave home as usual and spent the day at the library, often having lunch at McDonald’s, until he found a new job.

Unbeknownst to him, my mum knew about the ruse. She had tried to reach him in the office and was inadvertently told that he had lost his job.

I did not understand why my parents, who had a loving relationship, found it difficult to talk about retrenchment, until earlier this year.

That was when my then employer, an international media outlet, closed most of the roles in my Singapore-based division.

My colleagues and I were encouraged to apply for new positions that were made available under a restructuring process.

I had dialled into the meeting because I was on annual leave and thousands of miles away from home. Towards the end, we were asked if we had any questions.

I found myself with a jumble of thoughts and nothing to say.

I wandered around a museum and watched a ballet performance. All while feeling like I was going through the five stages of grief.

I kept it from my mum, not wanting to worry her.

In other conversations, I said I was feeling okay. I was determined to focus on the positives.

I would not feel the impact immediately, as I was expected at work for several more months.

I also had the opportunity to apply for roles within the company, and I knew I had a decent chance at them.

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Finally, I did not have large financial commitments. I did not have a mortgage or children.

Then the insecurities crept in, and these were much harder to talk about. I felt shame, even though we were told the restructuring was not based on performance.

I questioned if I was employable in an industry that I had spent a decade in.

I stacked myself up against my colleagues, many of whom were trying for roles in the restructuring, and external applicants.

I contended with how I would feel if I failed to get a role, and as importantly, how that would look. The optics bothered me and there was nothing I could do but sit with uncomfortable feelings.

I can only imagine what was running through my dad’s mind in the late 1990s, when retrenchment was a taboo subject.

He was the sole breadwinner supporting a mortgage, my mum and I, and with more at stake than existential thoughts and a bruised ego.

Retrenchment is viewed differently now. Just look at the LinkedIn networking platform, which is peppered with posts on job losses.

The responses are overwhelmingly positive, offering comfort and, more often than not, connections to a new gig.

As one retrenched worker put it: “The response from you all has been so supportive and genuinely encouraging that it almost makes a girl want to get laid off more often! Emphasis on the almost...”

In the current economic climate, with companies from Microsoft to the Bumble dating app announcing layoffs, people are using the platform to talk about the grief associated with losing a job.

I have benefited from this, as it reminds me that retrenchment is a relatively common experience.

But I could not find the words for a post, and having to engage in a public space felt like too much of a burden.

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Grief, however, had a way of reminding me that it needed some place to go. I was hypersensitive and erratic, and I knew I needed to accept that things would not be the same.

With the restructuring, I lost a job that I loved, which came with a range of functions. I lost colleagues, many of whom had become friends.

In choosing to leave the company, despite being offered roles, I gave up the prestige that comes with working for a global organisation.

Giving grief an airing looks like this to me. In the immediate aftermath of the restructuring, my colleagues and I spoke a lot, sharing our worries, encouragement and practical resources.

This grounded me during a challenging time when I was often working the early shift, and spending the afternoons and evenings at interviews.

I am seeing a counsellor, which was a benefit offered to affected staff. She has helped me to balance my identity as a journalist with the other things I value.

I told my loved ones about my struggles. I put aside thoughts of whether my feelings were valid and focused on what I knew I was carrying.

Somewhere along the way, I told my mum. “Never mind,” she said. “Remember to eat well or else you will have no energy.”

I learnt a big lesson. The stigma of retrenchment is nowhere as strong as my dad’s experience, but it still carries a sting.

During the process, I felt most comfortable keeping silent, thinking it was the best way to figure out the next steps. That silence magnified my inner turmoil. In crises, we are often our harshest judges.

We live in a world that I hope has become kinder to downturns, failures and messy feelings.

I don’t think I have grown more comfortable with putting my thoughts online. But I did not have to look far for support, with people who were willing to see me through a difficult season.

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Netherlands

When I close my eyes and think back to my childhood in the Netherlands, I am nine years old and a friend and I are cycling at top speed down our town’s high street, re-enacting the finish of the Tour de France.

He pulls a metre ahead of me and raises both arms in triumph for the imaginary cameras. Lord knows where our parents were.

A recent United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef) report repeats the organisation’s usual finding that Dutch children are the happiest in the rich world. Unicef ranks the Netherlands No. 1 for mental health and No. 4 for physical health, though only a modest 11th for “skills”.

The country is a role model in an era when children internationally are becoming unhappier, more overweight and (academically at least) dumber. British kids report poor mental health, American kids have disastrous physical health, while Unicef’s report is littered with shocking nuggets, such as New Zealand’s youth suicide rate.

Given that mental health and obesity began worsening internationally in the early 1990s, Unicef doesn’t think phones or social media are the prime culprit. “Screen time is not the most useful indicator,” the report finds.

Qualities of a good childhood

So what makes a good childhood? And what can other countries learn from the Netherlands? So much starts with the bike. The Dutch built cycling infrastructure that allows kids to get around their neighbourhoods alone, safely.

On their bicycles, and in local playgrounds, parks and the country’s profusion of sports clubs (where I spent half my childhood), they get exercise, which Unicef says correlates with higher life satisfaction. Only 18 per cent of Dutch children are overweight, versus 42 per cent in the US.

The bike liberates kids from their parents and vice versa.

There are few Dutch “soccer mums” chauffeuring their kids around in sport utility vehicles all day. Yet Dutch kids speak to their parents often, something that Unicef thinks is “strongly positively associated with life satisfaction” and much less common in, say, Japan.

Crucially, Dutch parents have time to talk, because the country’s average work week is just 30 hours, the lowest of any rich nation (or, I suspect, of any society since our ancestors made the mistake of swopping leisurely hunter-gathering for back-breaking farming 12,000 years ago).

Dutch adults also have time to cook healthy family meals. Helpfully for communication, they tend to be non-judgmental pragmatists on matters like sex and drugs. Kids just don’t have much to rebel against.

My Tour de France friend still frequently sees his mother, now 92. Talking to parents and going around the neighbourhood, Dutch children learn social skills. Eighty-three per cent say they make friends easily at school, and they report relatively little bullying (a big problem in Britain).

Going easy on grades

Something else that helps: Dutch schools aren’t that demanding. Childhood in the US, Britain, Japan or South Korea is often dominated by the stress of trying to get into a top university that selects the future elite.

The brutal truth may be that, taken across whole societies, there’s a negative correlation between children’s academic excellence and good mental health. Japan and South Korea rank in Unicef’s top three for academic proficiency, with Ireland, while Britain is fifth – and all these countries do badly on mental health.

It’s more relaxing to grow up in the Netherlands, where hardly any universities are selective. The aim at high school in my day was typically to get the lowest passing grade, six out of 10. There was no reward for doing better. The academic level of Dutch kids remains unremarkable, especially since the Covid-19 pandemic.

Can economic growth still make us happy? The country’s elite is selected mostly in adulthood, rather than around age 17 like in the US or Britain. Even in adulthood, it’s a society with quite modest prizes for winners, which is why ambitious Dutch people often export themselves to New York or London.

On the upside, it’s a good country to be average in, and people at the bottom do relatively well. Dutch income equality is exceptionally high. I once went to interview a bus driver for disabled children in the town with the Netherlands’ lowest incomes. His house was lovely.

In workplaces, the lowliest employees are often heard and can typically address the boss with the familiar “je” rather than the formal “u”.

Many societies try – occasionally successfully – to optimise for excellence or wealth. I’m pleased I grew up in a place that chose life satisfaction instead. FINANCIAL TIMES

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retirement good

For many people, their retirement account balance is a sobering reminder that good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes.

Perhaps you intended to increase your retirement savings each year, but you instead upgraded to a nicer car when you were promoted. Or you charged family vacations to your credit card but never paid them off. Maybe you borrowed from your account to pay for home repairs because you didn’t have an emergency fund.

The result: Instead of the recommended six times your annual salary in a retirement fund by age 50, you have less than $100,000 and fewer than 20 years to finance what could be a decades-long retirement.

In fact, nearly 60 per cent of savers worry that they aren’t putting aside enough money, according to a 2024 Bankrate study. And about one-quarter of US adults over the age of 50 who are not yet retired said they would never be able to.

While 73 per cent of private-sector and state and local government employees have access to an employer-sponsored retirement plan, just 56 per cent participate, according to the US Bureau of Labour Statistics. And many people who do sometimes cut back or stop their contributions to offset inflation and unexpected expenses – or when there is uncertainty in the markets.

Experts have identified five common habits that sabotage retirement savings, all stemming from our tendency to choose immediate gratification. Here’s a closer look at these money missteps and practical strategies to overcome them.

Increasing your spending

As we make more, we tend to spend more, as our perception of our wealth changes: We think we have more than we do.

“It’s a much harder transition to start saving versus spending more when we get a raise,” said Mr Dana J. Menard, founder of Twin Cities Wealth Strategies, in Maple Grove, Minnesota. If you want to fend off lifestyle creep, make a plan to use a portion of your raise to increase savings or pay down debt before extra money hits your account, he said.

Ms Ariana Alisjahbana, a lead adviser with North Berkeley Wealth Management in California, suggests setting up retirement contributions to automatically increase 1 or 2 per cent annually.

Carrying a balance

Carrying credit card debt, a student loan and an auto loan can overwhelm borrowers, leading them to make only the minimum monthly payment. Most consumers don’t realise that the minimum payment on a card barely covers the interest rate charges, Mr Menard said, which on average currently range from 21.16 to 22.73 per cent.

“If you keep paying the minimum, the chances are you’re never going to pay that balance off,” he said. Getting out of debt becomes even harder when you keep charging items to your credit card.

“The ability to just grab your phone, tap a few times and have something sent to you that day, within a couple of hours, makes it a lot easier to overspend,” Mr Menard said.

When it comes to paying down credit card debt, there are two primary strategies. The mathematically optimal approach is to focus on the card with the highest interest rate first, in order to minimise the total interest paid over time. However, Mr Menard recommends paying off the card with the smallest balance first, because it provides a psychological win that can motivate people to continue.

Not tracking the small stuff

The average consumer spends US$118 (S$152) a month on food delivery and US$78 a month at coffee shops, according to a 2023 survey of 1,000 US adults by Empower, a financial services firm.

When we think about expenses, we often focus on big-ticket items like our rent or mortgage, grocery bills, and car and student loan payments, but smaller convenience costs can add up quickly. If you’re looking for ways to save, these minor expenses are a good place to start.

Each month, review your spending by listing all expenses on a spreadsheet, said Ms Melissa Caro, the founder of My Retirement Network, a New York media company. Track every expense, from daily coffee and takeout to major bills like rent or mortgage, insurance and utilities. Don’t overlook streaming subscriptions, cellphone plans or groceries, and be on the lookout for cheaper alternatives.

Failing to plan for emergencies

Everyone needs an emergency fund, even if you’re living with your parents or renting. An emergency fund acts as a buffer against unexpected job loss, medical bills and car repairs.

Without one, we’re more likely to withdraw funds from our retirement account, said Ms Melinda Satterlee, the founder of Marathon Wealth Management in Medina, Washington. “They think, ‘This is money I’m saving. I can access it,’ but they’re not told how much that will cost them,” she said.

Spending windfalls

A bonus or a tax refund is a painless way to build up an emergency fund or pay down debt. Caro recalls using the bonus from her first job after college to pay off her student loan in full.

“The fact that I still remember that says something to me, whereas I’m sure if I bought a new outfit, I would not have remembered it as well,” she said.

Each year, create a “windfall plan” that outlines exactly how you’ll allocate any unexpected income, Ms Alisjahbana said. Document specific percentages to be used for debt reduction, emergency savings and possibly a small splurge. Having a strategy prevents impulsive decisions and protects your long-term goals.

If you don’t have a plan and receive unexpected income, wait 30 days before deciding how to use it, Ms Alisjahbana said. One of her clients recently received a sizable court settlement but lacked a windfall plan. After the recommended 30-day wait, the client decided to put most of the funds into her children’s 529 accounts for their education.

The cumulative effect of overcoming these five behaviours can be transformative for your retirement nest egg. As Mr Greg Guenther, CEO of GRANTvest Financial Group, a financial planning firm, put it: “Small choices can snowball into big changes.” NYTIMES

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drinking is bad

NEW YORK – Drinking is harmful to your health at any age. But as you get older, the risks become greater – even with the same amount of drinks.

Alcohol affects “virtually every organ system in the body”, including the muscles and blood vessels, digestive system, heart and brain, said Professor Sara Jo Nixon, director of the Center for Addiction Research & Education at the University of Florida. “It particularly impacts older adults because there’s already some decline or impact in those areas.”

There is “a whole different set” of health risk factors for older drinkers, said Professor Paul Sacco, who teaches social work at the University of Maryland, Baltimore, and studies substance use and ageing. People might not realise that the drinks they used to tolerate well are affecting their brains and bodies differently, he added.

Alcohol can present new problems in older age, particularly at 65 and older, for even light or occasional drinkers.

Older adults tend to have less muscle mass and retain less water in their tissues compared with younger people, which can increase blood alcohol concentration, said Dr Aaron White, a senior adviser at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). This means it takes fewer drinks for older people to feel intoxicated, and heightens the risk of severe injury from falls.

According to Prof Nixon’s research, older people also show deficits in working memory at lower blood alcohol concentrations than younger drinkers. In another study she worked on, some older adults in driving simulations showed signs of impairment after less than one drink.

Worse outcomes for those with chronic disease

Drinking alcohol can increase the risk of developing chronic conditions such as dementia, diabetes, cancer, hypertension and heart disease.

But it can also worsen outcomes for the majority of older adults already living with chronic disease, said Assistant Professor Aryn Phillips, an expert in health policy and administration at the University of Illinois Chicago, who studies alcohol and ageing.

Drug interactions also come into play. Mixing alcohol with prescription medicines that older adults commonly take, such as those for treating diabetes or hypertension, can make the medications less effective or cause harmful side effects, like ulcers or an irregular heart beat.

Benzodiazepines, when combined with alcohol, can slow breathing and act as a powerful sedative.

Even over-the-counter medication can be dangerous. Aspirin, which some older people take to reduce cardiovascular disease risk despite the potential side effects, can lead to severe gastrointestinal bleeding, which older people are already at higher risk for, said nutrition science professor Michael Wheeler at East Carolina University, who researches alcohol-induced liver disease.

Some older adults also contend that hangovers worsen with age. While there is no strong scientific evidence supporting this, the hangovers may seem worse because alcohol can exacerbate other symptoms of ageing, like poor sleep, Dr White said.

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How to reduce your risk

Experts said alcohol use among older adults appears to have risen in recent years, though national trends are difficult to track outside self-reported surveys.

One federal survey from 2023 found that 12 per cent of adults 65 and older – about seven million people – reported drinking at least four or five drinks in a sitting in the previous month.

After decades of mixed messaging around alcohol’s health harms and benefits, recent studies have made it clear that no amount of alcohol is good for you.

Still, Prof Sacco acknowledged that “drinking has meaning for people”, and whether to moderate or quit altogether “is a call that you have to make in consultation with your doctor and your loved ones”.

But what is a safe amount of drinking for the older set? That is difficult to say. The available studies attempting to establish exactly how much alcohol it takes to drive up health risks in older populations use different benchmarks for moderate drinking, making it tricky to draw a consensus.

“Even as an expert in this field, I understand the confusion,” Prof Wheeler said.

Prof Nixon advised adults 65 and older to consume no more than one drink a day and no more than seven a week.

The NIAAA does not establish guidelines around alcohol consumption, but the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines moderate drinking for adults of all ages as two drinks or less a day for men, and one drink or less a day for women.

All the experts emphasised that older people should pay close attention to their bodies’ response to alcohol, and to stop drinking or cut back if they feel like it is affecting them more physically or cognitively.

“If you’re not currently drinking, don’t start,” Prof Phillips said. And if you do drink, be honest with your doctor about your consumption, and do it in a safe environment, knowing that your tolerance may not be what it used to be, she added.

“The answer doesn’t have to be abstinence,” Prof Nixon said. But healthy ageing “probably does not include multiple drinks a day for most people”. NYTIMES

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